One of my students was telling me about a friend who has become increasingly toxic in her life.
She brings miserable energy, gossips constantly, and gaslights people into conflicts.
The problem, she continued, is that she’s also lonely and constantly reaches out for connection and help.
While there’s no easy, universal answer to a situation like this (there are many nuances that should be considered in each individual situation)—the bottom line I told her is this: your primary duty in life is and should always be to protect and prioritize yourself and your own wellbeing first.
…Without that, everything else collapses.
And if a friend—or family member even—is causing you mental, emotional, or physical harm… then you need to prioritize them OUT of your life.
The how is largely going to depend on the individual circumstances. In some cases, it may need to be done drastically and all at once. In others, it may need to be done slowly and discreetly. But, that it needs to happen is almost undeniable.
…Think about it like this: how much poison is an acceptable amount of poison to drink daily?
None.
Obviously.
Does this mean you should avoid all toxicity like poison? Not necessarily. Pick your battles and fight your fight when you need to. But the reality of life is: nobody is coming to save us—we must save ourselves.
And drawing clear boundaries doesn’t make you a bad person (only gaslighters will make you think that)… they make you a BETTER one. And the better you become, ironically, the more you’ll be able to help others with the extra strength and energy you’ve saved.