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Category: Understanding Love

Hometown Exploration

I’m going to a martial arts conference this weekend to learn from some of the best martial artists, martial arts school owners, and associated like-minded people in my industry.

A question I’ve been reflecting on to prepare is, “How can I optimize my time there?”

I’ve been thinking about how I can maximize the number of sessions I take… the number of people I might meet… the number of opportunities I might capitalize on and uncover…

And it got me thinking…

…Why don’t I (we) do this for our everyday life more often?

At least for me… I can’t think of the last time I sat down and asked myself, “How can I optimize my time here, in my hometown, this weekend?”

Granted, most of the time all I want to do is nothing (lol).

But, every now and again, I think it’d be well worth the effort to look at our own hometown with fresh eyes… as though we were only visiting for one weekend and wanted to soak up as much of the area as possible.

Inner Work Prompt: Imagine friends were coming to visit your hometown for one weekend and they asked if you would give them the optimized experience. What kind of itinerary would you prepare? Why not do that for yourself and your own family?

Simplify People Gatherings

Don’t complicate people gatherings.

Time… place… a thing or two to do…

And let the magical depth of our incomprehensible existences express themselves and connect (once again) for a while.

So much of the loneliness we feel can be solved by simplifying our formula.

Inner Work Prompt: What’s a problem in your life that’s being made worse by complication? How can you simplify your approach?

Formula For Conversation Confidence

Oftentimes I’ll wonder to myself, “What would we even talk about?” as I think about the prospect of getting coffee or lunch with one person or another.

It can feel daunting… the idea of filling an hour or two with conversation.

And yet, it never ceases to amaze me at how seamless it goes when you have the right mix of curiosity + vulnerability/transparency + time apart.

Take that formula with you everywhere you go and I suspect you’ll find that an hour or two often isn’t enough.

P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week, here.

Where Inconvenience and Love Cross

This quote has been running through my mind over the past few days—especially as I reflected on that last night with Stella:

“…I talked about how love was an action, an instinct, a response roused by unplanned moments and small gestures, an inconvenience in someone else’s favor.”

Michelle Zauner, Crying in H Mart (Page 143)

I’ve thought about love a lot and have tried to define it before.

But, when it comes to love that is pointed towards another or love that is shared… I think those six words sum it up beautifully: “…An inconvenience in someone else’s favor.”

Remember this the next time your loved ones ask you for a favor that’s inconvenient with your schedule… or when you’re feeling “too busy” to plan your next outing or date… or when they’re going through a hard time and you’re traveling or away…

…It’s precisely the inconvenience that makes a task or act special.

…An action, instinctual response, or small gesture that would’ve been easier for you not to do because of the other things you’ve gotta do (for you), but did anyway because of what it meant to the other person (which shows what the other person means to you).

P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week here.

Final Act Of Love

It started with pacing. An unusual restlessness. One that didn’t cease—which usually does cease—with more potty time.

Shortly thereafter, she started to excessively drool and dry heave.

Having zero suspicion of any health problems or complications, I figured she ate something she shouldn’t have in the backyard and needed to hurl it up to feel better.

It was already well into the night at this point so I decided to try and sleep and let her get out what she had to get out, in whatever way she had to do that, and I would deal with it—whatever “it” was—in the morning.

And eventually, after more pacing, dry heaving, and slobbery drooling… she laid down.

…It wasn’t until the next day that I found out she had GDV or bloat—a life-threatening condition that occurs when a dog’s stomach twists and fills with gas—and that she was likely in extreme discomfort and distress.

…And yet, she laid down.

I don’t think she slept that entire night. I think she laid down, not because she finally wasn’t restless or nauseous anymore—I think the level of pain/discomfort only got worse throughout the night—but because she saw I was trying to sleep.

…And she didn’t want to disrupt or inconvenience me any further.

It was a final act of love.

One I tried so f*cking hard to return when, in addition to GDV, a large tumor was found in her side, and I gave her the softest, most comfortable landing I could possibly conceive.

Don’t Bring The Whole Bag To The Couch

The problem with Reels/Shorts/Tik-Toks is the same problem as bringing the whole bag of cookies/chips with you to the couch… one by one they feel so small… so harmless… a few mere calories in your thousands of calories budget…

…Altogether, however, it turns out to be very much the opposite of that.

The illusion of the mini dose is, “What’s one more gonna hurt?” …It’s only a few seconds / few calories out from your day/ my diet… When in reality, one more turns into another one and another one until it’s way more than just one more.

…A few hours and several hundred calories out from your day/ diet.

This is why we don’t bring the whole bag of cookies with us to the couch; we eat a deliberate and mindful portion.

It’s also why I intentionally avoid opening the “bag” of Reels/Shorts/Tik-Toks when I’m on the couch or unwinding on my phone…

And instead, will watch more medium to long-form content on YouTube… things that are portioned, deliberate, and have actual, identifiable conclusions.

It’s choosing to eat a slice of apple pie versus choosing to eat from a bottomless bag of Doritos or Oreos.

…And it is making all the difference.

Inner work prompt: How can you switch from bottomless bag to one slice in your life?

How Strange [Poem]

How strange
To feel no hesitation at all
When getting skin carved
Ideas entrenched permanently
Even my 80 year old self
Won’t be able to unsee

It makes me think
That the time spent waiting
Brainstorming
And contemplating
—34 years after all
Was worth it
Like I timed it out perfectly
Like the mixed from the feelings
Like the fads, naivety, and temporary desires
Were filtered thoroughly
And left but only a more clear identity

How strange
To find love here
As I stare at healing flesh
As I trace these peeling lines
As I pat these itching scars
Something—you—become something
I start to recognize
This time spent waiting
The brainstorming; contemplating
The filtering and not settling
…As an outlining

A careful realization
A conversation with my 80 year old self
A constant clearing
Of more and more blind desire and hesitation
Resulting ultimately with you—a without a doubt vision
Of who my permanent person will be

P.s. You can read my other poems here.