I came across a story today of a mom who had been telling her daughters the same phrase for the past several years as they would exit the car to go to school:
“Be friends with the friends who don’t have friends.”
And that one line covers so much ground.
1) “Be friends”: it’s a verb. You have to be the one that smiles, says “Hi” first, asks interesting questions, and does so intentionally and repeatedly.
2) “…with the friends”: The assumption is that they’re already our friends, we just haven’t made the connection yet. They’re not our enemies or strangers. Most people want to feel seen and heard more than anything else and this assumption helps tremendously with taking the actions in step 1—assuming also that you’re in a contextually safe space to do so.
3) “…who don’t have friends.”: Feeling invisible or ostracized or lonely is one of the worst feelings we humans might experience. The person who changes that for us can create meaning that’s felt proportionally in the opposite direction. And in so doing, creates a similarly strong connection, too.
Try sharing this with your kids. And if you don’t have kids, try modeling this type of energy yourself. You’d be surprised how much ground this one expression, when practiced, can help even you cover in your life.
P.s. If you’re enjoying these morning 1-minute messages, would you mind sharing this link: https://matthogan.blog/hi with someone else who might enjoy it? ‘Preciate you all :)