The way we act is a byproduct of a lifetime of trial, “error,” and adjustment.
I put error in quotations because it’s subjective. It depends on what we define as “error” based on environmental responses—particularly in how people treat us.
We act a certain way, get feedback from our environment, and either reinforce or adjust. The goal, of course, being to move in the direction of safe, seen, and heard.
If we grow up in an unsafe environment, we may be forced to take safety into our own hands and practice fighting, toughening up, and preparing for unexpected violence.
If we grow up in an ignored / overlooked / misunderstood environment, we may attempt to feel seen and heard in alternative ways. Like acting out, dressing flamboyantly, or engaging in risky behavior.
Individual cases, of course, can be far more nuanced than this.
But, if we don’t take some time to stop and look inward, we might not realize we’re acting a certain way based on expired environmental circumstances—and we can update how we act to our updated environments.
Or, better yet, we can update how we act towards an ideal regardless of our current environments and practice self-growth that’s independent of outside influence.
The realization is this: the only thing stopping you from acting more fun, loving, calm, cool, confident, joyful, compassionate, etc.—is your current beliefs about how you “should” or “have to” act based on past experiences.
…And all you have to do is change your mind.