Category: Understanding Love

A mom from the martial arts school I teach at shared a story with me the other day of another instructor and her son (6 years old) that she was really touched by.

She told me her son promised this instructor that he would show him his baseball cards.

…And as they were loading up into the car after having already finished class, her son remembered his promise and asked his mom if they could go back. His mom told him they could always show him next time, but her son persisted. And she eventually relented.

When they got back inside, he proudly took his cards up to this instructor and stood in his sight, ready to show and be seen.

And rather than take a quick glance and give a quick high five or rush through the impromptu show and tell presentation, this instructor knelt down next to him and patiently looked at each of his 30ish cards, one card at a time, as he slowly flipped through.

…What’s more is that his mom said her son didn’t even say anything about any of them. He just silently thumbed through each as the instructor silently and attentively looked on.

And it proved to her son that what he felt was important was also important to the instructor because of the energy and intention he was met with. And the situation went from what could’ve been a superficial, non-meaningful exchange to a special moment that legitimately strengthened a bond.

…And the difference couldn’t have been made by anything more than 60 seconds.

Building connection is as building connection does.

There is no way around it. There is no hack. There is no shortcut.

If you want to build better connections with the people in your life, you need to do something about it.

Listing examples here should be helpful:

• Rather than exchanging basic pleasantries with people, you need to be the one who digs a little deeper. Ask an interesting question. Give an interesting answer. Go deeper than, “What’s up?” or “Good, how are you?”
• Rather than say you’re there for someone… show them you are. A text is better than nothing. But a bag full of thoughtful gifts to someone who is recovering from surgery is better than a text. Actions > Words.
• Rather than suggest you and whoever do “something” “sometime”… be the one who makes the plans. Invite people out to specific dinner plans at specific times—and do it in advance. Invite people to trivia, karaoke nights, concerts, etc. Lock in dates and times and keep an eye out for fun ideas. Be the initiator.

The people who wait for people to connect with them… who try to use technology to do the connecting for them… who try and outsource the efforts and ideas… are the ones who end up getting disconnected.

And upon closer inspection… it should come as no surprise. But the good news is… neither should the solution.

I’m used to people texting me with a specific question or ask or favor in mind.

Which is why when I got a text today that said, “Hey, hope all is well”—it threw me off.

…Because this is all that was sent.

And it wasn’t from a family member or particularly close friend.

Just a thoughtful individual who, as far as I could tell, wanted to express some warm thoughts.

And after thinking about it, the fact that it threw me off made me feel guilty.

Because if it wasn’t something I was used to getting, it’s probably because it wasn’t something I was used to sending. And it made me want to do a better job of expressing warm thoughts just because.

Lord knows we could all use it.

You will never love the same person twice.

Why? …Because the person you love now won’t ever be that same person again.

Don’t take your love for granted. Don’t take their love for granted. And don’t assume “forever” based on a snapshot.

Always assume the opposite.

Look at people with fresh eyes. Nurture a healthy curiosity about their soul. Rediscover the love you have for others anew, each day.

Because not only have they changed… but so have you. And for love to last, both parties need to honor change and align with an energy that’s on the same trajectory.

P.s. I also published: 18 Kahlil Gibran Quotes from The Prophet and Insights For Fulfilled Living.

One of the parents from the Martial Arts school I teach at got rear ended today.

Everyone was okay, but in the midst of the crash, damage assessment, conversation, information exchange, and chaos from those stressful moments—she lost her phone.

And so she came to the school to use the school’s phone to contact loved ones and cancel all of her credit cards.

She commented, “It’s so sad that in today’s world I have to do this. Everything was on my phone. And if I don’t make these calls now, someone will probably find it and capture all of my sensitive information. It’s so sad.”

And just after she finished cancelling her last card… with the most mysterious / serendipitous timing… her husband called the school and said, “Hey! We found her phone. It was turned into the police station by a good samaritan.”

It was almost as though the universe was giving us a little nudge and was saying… there are a ton of great-intentioned people out there, too.