The picture you paint in your mind as you read the words I arrange is the art we create together
Helping busy people do inner work.
The picture you paint in your mind as you read the words I arrange is the art we create together
If we’re talking and you turn to a screen, I’m going to completely stop talking until you turn back.
Point blank.
Here’s why:
A) Something popped into your mind that you felt was more important than our conversation, so I’m not going to distract you while you handle whatever it was that couldn’t wait. And I’m either going to postpone our conversation until you’re done or standby awkwardly until you’re ready to continue.
B) You decided the conversation wasn’t worth your undivided attention and so you divided it to keep yourself maximally stimulated. Now, since 1) multi-tasking is a myth, 2) most communication happens visually, 3) I’m not interested in repeating myself and/or having a throttled conversation—I’m going to do us both a favor and stop communicating altogether.
Because you know what’s worse than not communicating at all?
Fragmented communication that gets misconstrued. I’ve learned this the hard way.
So, go ahead: check your screen—I’ll wait. Or maybe I won’t.
But, I’m definitely not going to keep talking to a fragmented piece of your attention.
Love is not something that is mastered in but one moment.
To have mastered something is to imply its completion—and love is never “done.”
To masterfully craft a loving moment is as much a completed gift as it is an understanding that a new gift will need to be crafted in the next.
Otherwise, as all gifts eventually do, its warmth and shine will slowly fade.
And not because the gift that you masterfully crafted wasn’t good enough, but because of the eventual overwhelm of the following moments when no gift is crafted at all.
Love needs to be renewed.
And fortunately, there is an inextinguishable source of love inside each of us that we can draw from. That we can use to masterfully craft another loving gift in this moment and the next.
Be it a sincere compliment, a warm embrace, a chivalrous gesture, a thoughtful note, a compassionate ear, an intimate night free from distraction, or a “just because” gift when the opportunity is there.
Love is not something we can state in one moment and be done stating forevermore.
It’s not an act that is completed that will cover you forevermore.
Love is something only mastered in moments—and it will always be the case now and forevermore.
Not having it all figured out is an excellent place to come from when connecting with people.
Because here’s the thing: neither does anybody else.
Too many people forget this.
Figuring things out together is a magnet for connection.
It allows for reciprocity. It allows for synergy and exchange. It allows for healing and growth.
And, what’s more, is that it will help you figure things out faster than trying (waiting) alone ever will.
With vulnerability and authenticity, arguments aren’t needed—genuine connection happens seamlessly.
When walls are built around emotions and facades cover feelings, arguments act as the storms that tear down those “fronts” to finally expose what’s fortified underneath:
Vulnerability and authenticity.
“Boundaries are a part of self-care. They are healthy, normal, and necessary.”
Doreen Virtue, via MoveMe Quotes
Boundaries look different when used by different people in different situations. What they might look like is: ignoring; avoiding; distancing; deliberately not engaging; strategically defusing or redirecting; mindfully reorganizing routes; changing environments; strong, assertive, direct language; etc.
The tough part is that the situations when boundaries need to be deployed are never black-and-white—they’re always gray-and-unique. This is why we need to find as much clarity ahead of time that we can. Answering these questions before your next encounter with a busybody, an ingrate, an egomaniac, a liar, the jealous, or a crank can help:
When you answer these questions, you’ll know how to handle the tough situations. The situations that most people don’t spend any time thinking about and resultantly, don’t know how to handle when they arrive.
And one thing is for sure, they will arrive. The question is, will you be ready?