Saying: “I love you.”
And holding the door, putting down the phone, setting the table, cleaning the dishes, picking up the kids, making the bed, helping prep dinner, baking a surprise desert, giving free massages, calling just because, giving a compliment, sharing a vulnerability, thoughtfully replying to messages, randomly showing affection—all with a big smile on your face…
Both communicate love.
But in powerfully different ways.
Worth noting about bridges: it takes effort from two sides.
You can construct a bridge a majority of the way from one side towards the other—but, without the consent from the other side—the bridge will remain incomplete.
And an incomplete bridge isn’t a bridge at all.
It’s an untravellable construction site.
How hopeful or desperate you might be for the bridge to be completed is irrelevant.
What’s relevant is the other side’s reciprocated response.
Without that, we might as well build our bridge(s) elsewhere.
Because untravellable construction sites don’t do anybody any good.
Especially not those who commit all of their resources to doing the constructing.
It can be easy to take our loved ones for granted.
Especially when they seamlessly become a part of our daily lives.
Like running water, our internet connection, and the roof over our heads—we soon enough just expect them to be there when we wake up in the morning.
And the more that becomes the expectation—the less gratitude we’re likely to show.
Until eventually, we show no gratitude at all.
Until suddenly, we start letting stupid small things take control of our minds and turn what was once gratitude for wonderful miracles into generally misguided feelings of spite, frustration, and disregard.
And for no other reason than because we forgot.
And slowly, slowly—our forgetfulness becomes the very reason that fresh love turns stale.
Just as surely as the fresh fruit that sits in our fridge for too long will go stale—so too will the unattended relationships.
We must learn to keep breathing fresh life into what’s at risk of expiring.
Because love, no matter how strong it starts out, can always become stale with time.
Falling in love is easy.
Staying in love—well, that’s the hard part.
This morning, I was introduced to The 5 Languages of Love and was deeply moved.
Understanding each of these languages will undoubtedly make staying in love—easier. They are:
I. Words of Affirmation: Language in its raw form, we have to genuinely express the things we love about our loved one. Love unexpressed isn’t love at all.
II. Quality Time: What we give the weight of our attention to is indicative of where our true priorities lie. Even if what’s being shared with us isn’t of interest to us. We have to learn how to make what’s important to them, as important to us, as they are to us.
III. Receiving Gifts: Being able to give a gift effectively shows that time was spent thinking and preparing something specifically for them while we weren’t with them. What’s important isn’t the price of the gift. What’s important is how much heart we put into preparing it. Which always shows.
IV. Acts of Service: Giving with the expectation of receiving in return isn’t giving at all—it’s a transaction. This is not what we’re talking about. We’re talking about giving for the sake of giving. We’re talking about committing random acts of service. Because doing a chore, task, or favor without being asked to and without any spite or expectation—is love in its purest form.
V. Physical Touch: Hugging, kissing, caressing, squeezing, holding, massaging, embracing, soothing, etc. These are all explicit demonstrations of our love. Which are just as important as each of the above mentioned implicit demonstrations.
Take time each day to feel your lover’s presence, too.
Somebody give you a dirty look? Give somebody else a smile.
Somebody cut you off in traffic? Let somebody else skip you in line at the store.
Somebody sent you a hateful message? Send somebody else a loving one.
In a world where “more of the same” can make things so much worse—choose to do modern day alchemy instead.
And become an alchemist of human emotion.
Be generous with your thoughts.
When those who express kind, constructive, supportive thoughts are quiet, then our collective mind is taken over by those who spew overwhelming amounts of the opposite.
We may only be one, but we are connected to ten.
And so are they.
Every interaction is an opportunity:
I hope you’ll fully capitalize on the bountiful opportunities of your day.