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Category: Understanding Love

Exercising Your Advice

Published on March 14, 2022

You can only help in so far as you are strong.

Those who never build their own strength remain weak—and their ability to help others remains weak, too.

Imagine a person who has never lifted a weight running around a gym, giving people 20 minute lectures on how to lift weights.

Now imagine a jacked person who is usually quietly focused in the corner walking over to you and offering you a quick, 20 second correction on your form.

Which would you prefer—the 20 minutes or the 20 seconds?

Of course you’d prefer the 20 seconds.

Because the advice is coming from a place of strength.

And in order to build that strength, what did the jacked person have to do?

Avoid running around the gym giving people 20 minute lectures on how to lift weights and focus on him/herself!

This is the oxymoron of helping others. You can only help others better when you become better. And the only way to become better is to focus on yourself—and occasionally ignore the never-ending call to help others.

Don’t run around offering help to people if you haven’t spent time helping yourself.

Quietly stay focused in your corner until you’ve reached your point of being full.

Then, pour from your full cup the full strength of your advice.

Don’t Say Forever [Poem]

Published on March 9, 2022 
Don’t say forever
Like you know what that means
You’ve been here but a blink
And in but a fraction of that
You promise the rest of time
Like you know what that means.

Here's what I think you mean:
The size of my feelings
Feels like the size of forever
Squeezed into the size of this moment
And it's bursting at its seams.
If there's one thing I really want you to say
—It's exactly what you mean.

Because here's what I know:
This smallest piece
Of the greatest whole
Becomes our greatest whole
When it is no longer just a piece.
The size of what we have right here
—Is all we'll ever be able to truly give and receive.

So, before you give away
A bursting moment for an overused cliché
Package the size of your feelings
Within the size of this moment
And give this one complete gift to me
Where you're still able to feel and say
—Exactly what you mean.

(Distracted) Experts

Published on March 4, 2022

Surround yourself with people who are growth-minded.

  • Readers
  • Creators
  • Experimenters

Not people who are distraction-oriented.

  • Haters
  • Partiers
  • Netflixers

Being around growth will make you want to grow.

…Even more than being around (distracted) experts in your field.

Communicating Love

Published on February 22, 2022

Saying: “I love you.”

And holding the door, putting down the phone, setting the table, cleaning the dishes, picking up the kids, making the bed, helping prep dinner, baking a surprise desert, giving free massages, calling just because, giving a compliment, sharing a vulnerability, thoughtfully replying to messages, randomly showing affection—all with a big smile on your face…

Both communicate love.

But in powerfully different ways.

Building Bridges Takes Two

Published on February 20, 2022

Worth noting about bridges: it takes effort from two sides.

You can construct a bridge a majority of the way from one side towards the other—but, without the consent from the other side—the bridge will remain incomplete.

And an incomplete bridge isn’t a bridge at all.

It’s an untravellable construction site.

How hopeful or desperate you might be for the bridge to be completed is irrelevant.

What’s relevant is the other side’s reciprocated response.

Without that, we might as well build our bridge(s) elsewhere.

Because untravellable construction sites don’t do anybody any good.

Especially not those who commit all of their resources to doing the constructing.

Stale Relationships

Published on February 17, 2022

It can be easy to take our loved ones for granted.

Especially when they seamlessly become a part of our daily lives.

Like running water, our internet connection, and the roof over our heads—we soon enough just expect them to be there when we wake up in the morning.

And the more that becomes the expectation—the less gratitude we’re likely to show.

Until eventually, we show no gratitude at all.

Until suddenly, we start letting stupid small things take control of our minds and turn what was once gratitude for wonderful miracles into generally misguided feelings of spite, frustration, and disregard.

And for no other reason than because we forgot.

  • We forgot to see our loved ones with fresh eyes.
  • We forgot to hear our loved ones with fresh ears.
  • We forgot to deliberately prioritize the miracles over the minutiae.

And slowly, slowly—our forgetfulness becomes the very reason that fresh love turns stale.

Just as surely as the fresh fruit that sits in our fridge for too long will go stale—so too will the unattended relationships.

We must learn to keep breathing fresh life into what’s at risk of expiring.

Because love, no matter how strong it starts out, can always become stale with time.

The 5 Languages of Love

Published on February 15, 2022

Falling in love is easy.

Staying in love—well, that’s the hard part.

This morning, I was introduced to The 5 Languages of Love and was deeply moved.

Understanding each of these languages will undoubtedly make staying in love—easier. They are:

I. Words of Affirmation: Language in its raw form, we have to genuinely express the things we love about our loved one. Love unexpressed isn’t love at all.

II. Quality Time: What we give the weight of our attention to is indicative of where our true priorities lie. Even if what’s being shared with us isn’t of interest to us. We have to learn how to make what’s important to them, as important to us, as they are to us.

III. Receiving Gifts: Being able to give a gift effectively shows that time was spent thinking and preparing something specifically for them while we weren’t with them. What’s important isn’t the price of the gift. What’s important is how much heart we put into preparing it. Which always shows.

IV. Acts of Service: Giving with the expectation of receiving in return isn’t giving at all—it’s a transaction. This is not what we’re talking about. We’re talking about giving for the sake of giving. We’re talking about committing random acts of service. Because doing a chore, task, or favor without being asked to and without any spite or expectation—is love in its purest form.

V. Physical Touch: Hugging, kissing, caressing, squeezing, holding, massaging, embracing, soothing, etc. These are all explicit demonstrations of our love. Which are just as important as each of the above mentioned implicit demonstrations.

Take time each day to feel your lover’s presence, too.