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Category: Understanding Love

Tomorrow’s Enemies

Published on May 28, 2023

I heard a great piece of advice today: watch carefully how the people around you treat their enemies—because you may very well become one of them down the road.

While this might sound dark or pessimistic—in a world that’s filled with gossip, drama, lust, envy, greed, impatience, deception, miscommunication, frustration, pain, suffering, etc… I’d say it’s an all-too-common (and unfortunate) reality.

…Friends who were once inseparable, plotting for the other’s downfall. Family members who share ancestry, refusing to share a room or word. Lovers who make sacred vows, who later end up tangled in the nastiest of divorces.

The people who are able to stay calm towards their “enemies,” though? The people who learn to disassociate, detach, and move on? The people who can act with grace and kindness even towards the ones who they disagree with or who hurt them?

…Those are the people you want to keep around and form alliances with. And you’ll know—just from that one key observation at the outset… that petty battles can be avoided for grander wars. Wars that affect us all—not just them. Ones that pave paths forward, not continuously pulls both parties back to battles in ruins.

Keep it sharp in your mind: tomorrows “enemies” may very well be today’s allies. Watch carefully how your allies treat their enemies today. And (re)form your alliances accordingly.

Anti-Too-Much-Social-Media

Published on May 24, 2023

Recently, an advisory was issued by the US Surgeon General on the potential dangers of social media for children, highlighting its negative impact on mental health and overall well-being. One key highlight was how:

“Children and adolescents who spend more than 3 hours a day on social media face double the risk of mental health problems including experiencing symptoms of depression and anxiety. This is concerning as a recent survey showed that teenagers spend an average of 3.5 hours a day on social media.”

Couple this with my post yesterday about how advancements in AI led to a 24% increase in time spent on Instagram in quarter 1 of this year… and how that’s only the beginning of what continued advancements will lead to… and you can see how we’re on the cusp of a worsening crisis.

To be clear, I’m not anti-social-media. But, I’m definitely anti-too-much-social-media.

Self-discipline is a hard earned skill, one that most grown adults haven’t fully developed. Assuming kids and teens will be able to discipline themselves is naive. We need to lead the disciplined charge and help initiate forces that push in the opposite direction of screens.

Having strong screen boundaries set—that’s applicable to the whole family—can help (e.g. family dinner time, 1-hour before bed, while outside, etc).

Getting them involved in reality-based activities that make them forget about social media can help (e.g. martial arts, sports, art classes, etc).

And using your unique influence and access can definitely help (plenty of ideas at the bottom of the advisory here).

My intention writing to you today is to call upon that help so we all can better help our next generation. They already need it.

Tip of the AI Iceberg

Published on May 23, 2023

I recently came across an article where Meta bragged that improvements in their AI recommendations led to a 24% increase in time spent on Instagram in the January – March quarter of this year.

…And we’re just at the tip of the AI Iceberg.

Imagine what continued updates, upgrades, and refinements will do to that number in the very near future…

It’s scary to think how that number may very well only go up.

Which is why, it’s more important than ever to build better habits when it comes to social media use.

If it’s true that soon our feeds are going to be so damn good at showing us content that it keeps us on the platforms 24%, 50%, 150%(?!) longer—we need to become damn better at not logging in at all.

It’s rarely ever that I close out a social media app after having unconsciously binged for way too long and don’t immediately regret opening it in the first place.

And on the flip side, it’s rarely ever that I don’t smile with pride when I see my average daily screen time numbers go down at the end of a week.

To be fair, there is certainly some good that may come from getting better content fed into our timelines. And if we’re mindful and deliberate, we may even be able to curate a feed that’s constructive for our lives.

My only fear is that we’ll become so addicted to them that we won’t be able to digest that content, formulate our own thoughts around it, or free ourselves from the impossible grips of its advanced tailored-specifically-for-you, highly stimulating, dopamine-triggering, never-ending, constantly-refreshing feed of content gold.

Proceed with caution.

Outdoor Screen Time

Published on May 22, 2023

Today, I saw a parent pushing their child along in a stroller on a beautiful day that had a contraption attached to it which kept a screen mounted directly in front of the toddler’s face.

To which my knee-jerk response was something along the lines of BLASPHEMY.

But, it wasn’t long thereafter until I noticed (remembered?) just about every other passerby of every age doing the same. Walking outside on a beautiful day with a screen mounted directly in front of their face—only instead of a stroller mounted contraption holding it, it was being manually held.

…As if we don’t get enough of this when we’re indoors as is.

Being outdoors should be treated as sacred time. Time when we get to breathe fresh air, notice the other living creatures we get to share this space with, feel the weatherly variety from which life on our planet was born… Time when we get to actively utilize our own imagination rather than being constantly spoon-fed by the imaginations of others.

And unless it’s urgent or important, we should make it a personal rule to restrict the use of our screens during life-giving moments like this. Or else I fear screen time will only continue to invade in on any and all time that constitutes our day—regardless of its sacredness or importance.

Question: Do you have any personal rules focused on the restriction of screen time? If so, what are they?

The Sun’s Hand [Poem]

Published on May 10, 2023 
Love is the sun's hand
Reaching into cornered darkness
Bringing light where light
Has no path of its own

Love is the sun's hand
Warming frozen beings
From long harsh winters
Weathered alone

Love is the sun's hand
Lifting broken hearts
From battlefields of hate
Left to mend on their own

Love is the sun's hand
Building places of refuge
Places of connection
Places for those cold, hurt, and alone

Love is the sun's hand
And you are the hand
Of the sun
Warming, reaching, lifting

Everywhere the sun alone
Can not

P.s. You can read more of my thoughts on love here.

The Rest of the Way [Poem]

Published on May 9, 2023 
I never understood the idea
Of fighting to keep
The ones you love
From walking away

If life leaves you
With a choice between
Them and away
And you choose away

Wouldn't fighting for you
To instead choose to stay
Be selfish and unloving
And only cause resentment

The rest of the way?

I say honor their decision
And deepen your response
Love doesn't possess or keep
Love paves the way

P.s. You can read my other poems, that I occasionally write, here.

Messy, Mistaken, Odd

Published on May 3, 2023

Very few forms of social media give us the feeling of being more connected.

In fact, most social media use tends to have the opposite effect—it makes us feel more socially isolated.

And if I had to speculate, I’d say it’s because what most of us are optimizing for on social media is popularity—posts that get the most “likes,” comments, saves, etc.

But, optimizing for popularity doesn’t bring you closer to individual people. Just like trying to be liked by everyone is a great strategy to not be particularly liked by anyone. Lack of connection isn’t a byproduct of a lack of breadth of connections… it’s the result of the lack of depth.

In other words, what we’re missing isn’t popularity signals—we’re missing deep conversation opportunities.

If I think back to my school days, nobody wanted to be unpopular, but neither was anybody managing their social appearance profiles full-time behind a screen. When you take the screens away, people don’t get to edit themselves—they simply present who they are in real time. No filters, no perfect angles or lighting, no refined and uncharacteristically profound language.

Just people being their imperfect selves who are all figuring it out as they go.

This is what’s missing.

And if you’re feeling lonely, might I recommend a healthy decrease in screen time and a healthy increase in reality time. Allow yourself to be messy, mistaken, and odd. You might turn away the “clean,” “correct,” “popular” ones. But, the other messy, mistaken, and odd ones will find you and be so damn happy you showed up as you did.

P.s. Have you ever been on this kind of blind date?