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Category: Healthy Boundaries

Your Mental Home

Published on May 4, 2022

Fact: people will try to use you for selfish gains.

It’s up to YOU to use boundaries to stop them.

Remember: what you tolerate is what will continue.

Don’t tolerate selfish behavior. Draw lines. Say, “No.” Make rules.

Give yourself permission to protect your mental space at the expense of other people’s comfort. Their comfort isn’t your top priority—your mental space is (should be).

Your mental space is your most precious home.

And just as you’re selective with who you invite into the walls of your physical home, so too should you be selective with who you invite into the walls of your mental home.

It’s your job to invite the right guests in, to show the wrong guests out, and to know when it’s time to have no guests at all.

It’s never your job to be anybody’s doormat.

You are the door. They have to knock/call. They have to ask permission/get invited. They have to be respectful and courteous. And they have to add value to the relationship within the time that’s shared.

Otherwise, thanks for coming over, but I have to get back to protecting my mental space now.

…Maybe said a little less bluntly?

You get the idea.

This is how you turn your mental house into your mental home.

Start Seeing

Published on November 18, 2021 
Sometimes
you need to stop
seeing the good in people
And start seeing 
what they are actually showing you.

Protect Your Power

Published on October 7, 2021

You don’t lose your power; you give your power away.

For what you hold in your hands can be ripped away; but, not what you hold in your heart.

What you keep within the walls of your house can be stolen; but, not what you protect within the walls of your character.

Even what you lock tightly inside the thickest of safes can be repossessed; but, not what you lock tightly inside the safe of your mind.

Within each of us is something great.

A heart, a mind, and a strength of character that has limitless potential. THAT is power. Not what you hold in your hands or protect in your house or stow away deep inside of a safe.

Remember this whenever anybody tries to take your power. They will try to seduce your heart, brainwash your mind, and manipulate your character for their own benefit.

They will try to convince you to voluntarily give your power away. Don’t let them. Protect your power as if it was the most important power you possessed in your life.

Because, quite frankly, it is.

Questions That Help Make Boundaries Less “Gray”

Published on May 5, 2021

“Boundaries are a part of self-care. They are healthy, normal, and necessary.”

Doreen Virtue, via MoveMe Quotes

Boundaries look different when used by different people in different situations. What they might look like is: ignoring; avoiding; distancing; deliberately not engaging; strategically defusing or redirecting; mindfully reorganizing routes; changing environments; strong, assertive, direct language; etc.

The tough part is that the situations when boundaries need to be deployed are never black-and-white—they’re always gray-and-unique. This is why we need to find as much clarity ahead of time that we can. Answering these questions before your next encounter with a busybody, an ingrate, an egomaniac, a liar, the jealous, or a crank can help:

  • What are my limits? How far is too far when it comes to encounters with the above mentioned people?
  • How can I stay tuned into my feelings when I’m distracted? Is there a way I can remind myself to put up my boundaries even when I’m emotional or not thinking about them?
  • What might I say if I feel cornered? How can I use direct and assertive language?
  • What might stop me from deploying my boundaries? Are there un-dealt-with emotions from my past that are enabling these types of above mentioned people in my life?
  • Who might help me on this journey? Who is really good at this already that I can model my behavior after and/or seek support from?
  • What is the first, most viable step forward I can take? Rather than seeking to perfect this strategy of putting up my boundaries against those types of people, how can I take small steps towards better boundaries instead?

When you answer these questions, you’ll know how to handle the tough situations. The situations that most people don’t spend any time thinking about and resultantly, don’t know how to handle when they arrive.

And one thing is for sure, they will arrive. The question is, will you be ready?