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Category: Helping Others

What To Say To Those In The Storm

Published on February 20, 2024

A student of mine broke her ankle doing a jumping kick in my martial arts class last night.

…And this was literally a few weeks after she just got her boot off from having broken that same ankle just a few months ago.

Another student has been trying to come back from a similar broken bone situation… but keeps getting slammed with various colds and sicknesses.

…And, to her dismay, has only been able to attend a handful of classes over the course of two months.

Another student came up to me last night and told me some heartbreaking news that… on top of the surgery she might have to get on her hip… and on top of the sicknesses that keep coming up in her family… her mom got diagnosed with cancer.

Life, like mother nature herself, has seasons.

Sometimes its sunny and seventy; and sometimes it’s hella cloudy and rainy.

…And sometimes, as the expression goes, it doesn’t just rain—it pours.

It’s hard to know what to say in these situations because there aren’t any words that’ll keep a person dry when it’s pouring rain and they’re already wet.

…But, maybe if you can let them know you’ll be there with them as the pouring rain comes down, and that there’s an umbrella you can share, and that you’ll be a source of warmth for them as the cold, heavy drops carry more and more of their warmth away and into the ground…

…Maybe you can make the storm suck a little less and help them see their way to the other side.

Initiating Kindness

Published on January 28, 2024

It’s easy to do kindness after you’ve been acted kindly to.

But, it takes a real one to do kindness when you’ve had someone act the opposite to you.

What we need aren’t more people who can wait for kindness to happen to them so they can then pay it forward.

What we need are more people who can initiate kindness when nobody is talking about it… when only the opposite is on display… when curveballs galore are wrecking everybody’s day.

Because it’s then—precisely then—when kindness is needed most.

P.s. 101 Acts of Kindness To Help Recalibrate The World

Just Vibes

Published on December 6, 2023

The first time I heard the song Who Do You Love by ARTY feat. Rozzi, was when I was dead in the middle of running my first ultramarathon.

…Like dead.

…In the middle… maybe not even half way.

…While running a 50k in the desert.

And right before I heard it… it was dusty and rugged and mute. And I was alone. And I was hurting. And I was trying to quiet the deflating chatter of my mind. And I was definitely questioning my life choices.

And then… I heard the song faintly in the distance. And then I heard it getting progressively louder behind me. And then I was starting to wonder if I was hallucinating… Until, lo and behold, a dude on his bike with a bluetooth speaker strapped to his basket passed by with the song blasting.

And the song filled me with the life that was quickly exiting my body in that moment. And it gave me the mental patching I needed to hold more of that life inside as I continued on my way… like a mechanic expertly patching a pierced tire that was in danger of soon hitting rim to road. And I even got a boost that allowed me to pump my arms to the beat, crack a smile, and shout him out as he passed.

And not even a minute later… he was gone.

…Peddled off into the dusty desert going wherever his wind blew him.

…And I never saw him again.

And this was all it took to give me the critical boost I needed to carry on with my fight.

…No interaction. No major endeavor. No fancy tactics.

…Just vibes.

The Gift of Experience (Unshared)

Published on September 7, 2023

Gifting is one of the core principles at Burning Man.

The idea is that everybody brings more than they need so that each participant can practice decommodification (another core principle) and can devote themselves to unconditional gift giving.

Gifting does not contemplate a return or an exchange for something of equal value—which can be a foreign concept to grasp in our transactionary world. In fact, those who try and pay, barter, or otherwise offer a return for a gift miss the point entirely—the point is to have an emotional exchange (more on that here).

That said, one of the best gifts I received from Burning Man didn’t come from Burning Man—and I received some incredible, breath-taking gifts.

…The best gift I received came from those who made it possible for me to go TO Burning Man.

Specifically, my mom who house and dog sat for me for the entire duration of my trip and my coworkers who stepped up and helped run the martial arts school for me while I was completely off grid.

The gift they provided was one I’ll truly never forget: the experience as a whole.

…And this is one of the greatest gifts we can offer one another.

Not only the gift of experiences shared, but those unshared.

The gift of allowing other people the freedom to travel, adventure, and explore all that this life has to offer—even if (especially if) that means staying back and covering for them while they’re gone. Not because we don’t want to go, but because in allowing them to go, we gift them wings—and nothing should feel better than watching them fly.

I’m Willing To Work On That

Published on February 10, 2023

Anyone who says “That’s just how I am” (or something along those lines) is fixed in their ways and isn’t interested in changing.

Don’t waste any additional effort on trying to change / influence their mind if they believe their behaviors / actions are innate / unchangeable.

We all have the ability to change.

But, not until we can at least admit it to ourselves and adopt the mindset of “I’m willing to work on that.”

To: You | From: Me

Published on October 22, 2022

I look at each of these daily writing pieces as gifts.

And not only am I trying to improve the quality of these gifts each day, but I’m trying to get better at identifying who they’re for.

Because like gifts that you might buy during the Holiday season, you don’t just buy arbitrary gifts for random people—even if they’re high quality.

You buy specific gifts for specific people. It’s the specificity—the inside joke(s) they reference, the shared experiences you’ve had with the recipient, the common ground you and the receiver share—that makes them special.

Today, I revised my mission statement from: “Helping you confront life: for better mental health; for healing; for personal growth” to “Helping busy people do inner work: for better mental health; for healing; for personal growth.”

Why do I share this with you?

Because you, too, have gifts to share inside. Gifts that you might be trying to go viral sharing that you might be better off pointing to specific people. People who, rather than getting a generic, trendy, commonplace gift—might much prefer a thoughtful, deeply rooted, made-for-them type gift.

A gift that is reflective of your unique life experiences, feelings, and thoughts—that’s given specifically to those people who resonate with that type of message.

I’ve realized that it’s busy people I’m talking to when I write these. People who feel like they don’t have time for themselves. People who probably need inner work the most.

Who might your gifts be for?

P.s. I was interviewed in a LIVE space today focused on writing and how it can help you with your personal growth journey. There were tons of nuggets shared.

No Harm; No Foul

Published on April 22, 2022

Don’t let upset people upset you.

Don’t let angry people anger you.

Don’t let frustrated people frustrate you.

Let your mind become a relentless filter that protects the purity of your thoughts from the unforgiving (oftentimes misunderstood) feelings of the world.

How to do this?

By understanding that:

Upset people are feeling upset for a reason.

Angry people would much rather not be angry.

Frustrated people have been trying their hardest and to no avail.

Once we stop taking things personally and understand that everybody is probably just doing the best they can, with what they have (and have been given), where they are—we can approach these interactions with compassion and curiosity instead.

And, if it becomes obvious that they are not interested in changing their state or getting any help from you—you move on.

No harm; no foul.

Their state is a reflection of them—your state is a reflection of you.

No need to get them twisted.