There’s a difference between avoiding your triggers and AVOIDING your triggers.
When you consciously avoid people who spew toxicity, for example, that’s strategy.
When you AVOID the feelings that arise when you’re triggered and suppress/ numb/ hide—that’s not strategy—that’s a slow tragedy.
P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week, here.
The bigger your sense of lack…
The deeper your inner holes will feel.
And the deeper the inner hole, the more that’ll be required to fill it.
But, remember… filling a hole can be done in two very different ways:
1) Buying external hole-filler (which is often costly, hard to come by, and labor-intensive—you know… that luxury brand, media-worshipped, top-shelf style hole-filler).
2) Using internal hole-filler (you know, the stuff you threw next to the hole while you were doing all of that inner hole digging in the first place).
Remember this as you look around today… at the many wonderful things you often don’t notice, the people you often can’t stand, and the blessings you so often take for granted.
Maybe the “holes” inside aren’t holes at all.
Maybe they’re just parts of ourselves that, for one reason or another, became uneven from some unintentional / subconscious digging that we did and then left ignored. And what we need to do isn’t buy some fancy filler… but do some inner-landscaping/ leveling with what’s already there.
Because whole is how we were born. “With-holes” is something that sometimes happens as we go. And filling inner holes is best done with the stuff that’s already next to them—inside.
P.s. Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate it. I’m very thankful to have you with me on this ride.
One thing I’m currently working on: not being so quick to label people as “toxic.”
With few exceptions, all of us are a great mix of many things—and labeling someone solely as “toxic” is not only unfair and narrow-minded, but uncompassionate.
We all make mistakes and I genuinely believe we’re all doing the best we can with what we’ve been given. By looking at people less as “poison” and more as “misguided,” maybe we can respond more mindfully to their presence and certain behaviors.
That said, if “poison” is precisely what a person feels like to you in your life, establishing a strong boundary should be done swiftly and without hesitation.
But, considering a person “poison” after a mistake or two… maybe isn’t the type of response that’ll lead to the healing we’re trying to facilitate in our lives.
P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week, here.
There’s nothing wrong with the above… after all, they each can certainly put you into a better state of mind (so you can better address what’s wrong).
The problem, of course, is that none of the above deals with what’s wrong.
Real self-care happens when you actually confront and address what’s wrong. And if what follows spa days, bubble baths, and fuzzy blankets entails addressing what’s wrong—then by all means.
But, don’t exclusively reserve “self-care time” with the above and ignore the things that are making you feel like you need “self-care time.” Because then you’re just fooling yourself into engaging in another distraction that’s no better than Netflix, night’s out, and Tik Tok.
P.s. These daily posts are a form of self-care for me. If they’ve helped you, you can buy me a coffee (or tea) here to support the ongoing effort. Thanks in advance :)
The weight from our past can be cripplingly heavy.
What we must remember, however, is that just as we can set down the heavy weight we pick up at the gym… so, too, can we set down the emotional weight we pick up throughout life.
We simply need to give ourselves the means (writing, talking, meditating), space, and permission to do so.
Imagine having to carry weight from the gym with you for an entire day—and not getting to put it down once. This is what your mind is experiencing except on a week/ month/ year/ decade level!
Sit; settle; relax; release; unload; unpack; talk; tremble; cry; confront; let go; let it flow.
…It’s time to re-rack some of that emotional weight you’ve been carrying for too long.
P.s. I’ll be hosting a LIVE chat Thursday (10/26) at 1:30pm EST on The Art of Mastering Your Mind to Scale In Business. I’d love to have you join if you’re free/interested.
A gentle reminder: the goal isn’t “healed,” it’s “to heal.”
Meaning, healing is an ongoing process—it isn’t something we complete.
If we take a few moments each day to:
We’ll be well on our way.
It’s when we set out to heal all of it that we become crippled with overwhelm, self-doubt, and fear.
P.s. For more on this topic, you can read my 20+ other 1-minute entries on healing here.
You can’t take away other people’s emotional pain.
No matter how much you love them; care for them; feel sympathy for them.
Emotional pain, like physical pain, is for the beholder to bear.
Any attempt to take away or “shoulder” another person’s emotional pain will only further delay their healing process. Because feeling is how emotional pain is released.
Be aware that you’re shouldering other people’s emotional pain when you:
There is no way around it; there is no “transferrable” option—the pain we’ve been dealt is the pain we have to confront.
What you can do, as a person who feels compassion for another person experiencing pain, is give them support—particularly your presence.
The same kind of support you would offer someone who got physically hurt.
You wouldn’t say: “Oh gosh! That looks like it hurts… want me to heal that pain for you?”
You’d do things more along the lines of:
And, of course, just being present is powerful in and of itself.
This lets them know that they’re not alone to bear the weight of the pain; that it’s okay to feel and isn’t something that needs to be hidden; that they are accepted—even during their low points.
And what a true gift that can be.