Skip to content

Category: Transforming Pain

Ice and Movement

Published on February 10, 2025

I went to swat the ball out of another player’s hands while playing basketball the other day and I either bent my pointer finger in a way it shouldn’t have or jammed it real good (or both)… because it was immediately very painful after that swat.

After finishing the game (and when the adrenaline was wearing off and it started to swell), I quickly got it on ice and rotated back and forth between that and movement for about an hour… and then just kept moving it as much as I could after that.

The idea was simple: ice constricts blood vessels which reduces swelling. Movement keeps things, well, moving in the area so that, again, there’s less swelling (pooling) and fresh cells can continue to make their way in to heal and repair (no traffic jams).

When you get hit with emotional type pain in life (or do the hitting which results in pain) following a similar type of response can be helpful.

We ice emotions (cool off) to constrict overwhelmingly unnecessary responses… so we can choose other than a regretful, knee-jerk response… so we can prevent any unnecessary life swelling that might happen when we allow ourselves to act when fully heated up.

We then keep the emotions moving so that we can prevent pooling which can turn suppressed emotions toxic… so that we can create space for other emotions to arrive (healing and repairing type emotions)… so that we can fully feel (and eventually fully release) what’s meant to be felt.

And we do this with space… with journaling… with meditation… with walks… with inner work…

And when we don’t… we get badly swollen and bruised instead.

From Jayh; To You.

Published on February 1, 2025

Today, I attended Jayh’s funeral.

These were the things the people closest to him chose to highlight as they spoke about him and his life:

  • His humor. They loved his wit, his sarcasm, and his sense of humor. He knew how to make people laugh and he did it often.
  • He made people feel safe. And when you grow up in a rough neighborhood, this is one of the highest feelings a person can give another. Even one of the speakers who was at least 2x or maybe even 3x Jayh’s size said it. Jayh was a protector. Jayh was fiercely loyal. And Jayh would do anything for the people he loved. And he had a big heart, described by many as a heart of gold, that touched the lives of so many.
  • He brought people together. He was the type of person to show up at your house and hang on the porch with you for hours on end. He was the type of person who would call to check in, crack a joke, set up a meet, talk crap, or talk life—real life. He would get people together to play football, basketball, music… and so many people talked about how hard it was going to be without him. They called him the general of the block because he was always leading everybody else towards each other. He was the center. He was the catalyst.

I share this in hopes that, even though you might not know Jayh, parts of him can continue to live through you.

Because whenever we chose to embody actions inspired by another, they get to continue to live through us.

The Problem With Living Reactively To Emotions…

Published on January 28, 2025

Most people live reactively to their emotions.

They go about their day, have their interactions, make their choices, and then feel the feelings consequentially arise while trying to maintain the scheduled busyness of their day.

Which leads to bottling, pressurizing, and exacerbating.

And of course, once you’re all the way in your feels, you’re usually clouded, spiraling, irrational, overthinking, and knee-jerking—and it isn’t usually until much later… after you’ve said and done things you regret… that you realize you actually were any of those things.

The solution to this frustrating reality is to simply add something proactively creative or inward focused into your day.

That’s it.

It can literally make all the difference in the world.

Simply block some journaling into your morning routine. Or some drawing into your lunch breaks. Or some music creation or dancing into your evening routine. Or some martial arts into your after work schedule. Or some unplugged outdoor walks into your before work schedule.

The problem isn’t the emotions. The emotions are what make us human.

The problem is the bottling of the emotions—it’s in their restricted flow and continued compression.

Creative work/ inner work time allows those feelings to flow. And feelings are something you should expect daily (to expect otherwise is silly).

…It’s in this one simple act that we can reclaim our emotional calm within even our craziest of days. Don’t underestimate it.

P.s. I write these daily as a free gift to the world. If you’d like to support my ongoing work, you can buy me a cup of joe, here (you can also make it monthly now). Thanks for reading :)

RIP Jayh

Published on January 26, 2025

A childhood friend of mine died of heart failure this past weekend—at 37 years old.

He was one of the most athletic kids I knew when I was growing up and was the living embodiment of tough. He didn’t take crap from anybody and could burn a hole through you with a single glance… and yet, he had one of the most contagious laughs you might ever hear. He was a leader and wasn’t afraid to express his full life force—in conversation, in football, in music… in any endeavor.

May the best of who he was carry on through those who knew him and may this message of mortality ripple its way to you with some urgency for living… for you to get busy expressing your full life force.

…Because tomorrow is promised to no one.

What Advice Would You Give Your 17 Year Old Self?

Published on January 14, 2025

My dad once remarked that I was as “focused as a laser” when I was around 17. And he commented on how remarkable it was for someone at that age to be like that…

  • I was excelling in school.
  • I was in a serious relationship with an amazing girl.
  • I was three years into a job I loved and knew I wanted to make into a career.
  • I was competing at high level martial arts tournaments—and succeeding.
  • I had an incredible group of friends who knew how to have a good time.
  • And I had the most supportive and loving family throughout.

In hindsight, when I think back to this time and everything that would soon unfold over the next several years, I would probably tell myself to relax that laser a little and enjoy being a 17-year-old more.

…Because while being focused like a laser is a gift, so is wandering, exploring, and spending time experimenting while life is simpler and you’re living on somebody else’s dime.

Do I regret living how I did at 17? No. I know it’s precisely what made me into who I am today and I know that if I changed myself back then, the butterfly effect would probably have me in an upside down life that I actually did regret.

But, what’s important to remember is that my 17-year-old self is still inside me somewhere. As is every other version of who I’ve been in the past. And inner work conversations like this, with them, is precisely how my today self grows into the evolved version of that 17 year old…

…So I can live with that hindsight wisdom—today.

Respect

Published on January 12, 2025

I went out to eat dinner with six friends tonight.

After the meal we walked outside, but one friend was missing.

I glanced back in the restaurant and he was cleaning our table, stacking plates and cups, collecting all garbage, and tidying up in the best way he could.

When he finished, he walked out and I said, “respect.”

He replied by saying, “I was a server and know how it can be. Some people leave their space as an absolute disaster… I never want to be that person.”

And it was a good reminder that… neither do I.

Karma In Action

Published on January 11, 2025

I’m thinking about making a big musical equipment purchase.

What’s interesting is the thought I had about how I want to make the purchase.

See, I know a guy who knows everything there is to know about audio and sound system setups. And he has taken care of me whenever I’ve called him for help—as in way overdelivered for the price he charged. And is just an absolute gem of a guy.

Rather than just seek out the amazon or cheapest price purchase, I want to make the purchase through this guy so that he gets a commission cut on it.

…I want to go out of my way to help the guy who has always helped me.

This, my friends, is how karma works.