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Category: Transforming Pain

Human Touch

Published on April 21, 2025

This coffee shop I’m sitting in—

…the one with the crooked neon signs, big bold sharpie-drawn posters taped to the front windows, and thrifted furniture where no two pieces are the same

…the one with Santa on the cabinet in April, that displays Amy’s soup cans for sale right across from the Pope Francis action figures, and has the dying indoor plant next to the thriving bamboo growing out of an elephant’s back

…the one with the over-baked cookies, where the smell of crushed coffee beans lingers next to the hipster Spotify tunes, and instagram QR codes are posted throughout so even when we leave their art isn’t something we just forget

—the one that reeks of human touch…

Is something I’m not so sure us humans will ever be able to program into 1s and 0s and artificially recreate.

In a world that threatens to replace humans like cogs in a machine… be so much more than 1s and 0s.

Don’t Waste Time Alone

Published on April 9, 2025

Don’t waste time alone.

Society might have you brainwashed into believing being alone is a bad thing. Like, “Why are you still single?” or “Did you go there alone?” or, you know, the looks and tones.

And social media might have you trained into believing that turning it on and scrolling is socially connecting you—so as to distract you from the alone.

And the feelings of boredom might make you cringe and restlessly pace in circles over doing anything still and meditative when your calendar appears blank and your battery charge goes.

But… being alone is not a bad thing.

Don’t… waste time alone.

Time alone is time that can be spent turned inward… exploring the inner landscapes… uncovering the hidden gems of insight buried within the depths of your mind.

Time alone is time that can be spent healing… unpacking and reflecting on pains of the past… bringing clarity to thoughts tangled by writing them down… absorbing information from the most brilliant minds to have ever arranged words into practical, life-changing ideas.

Time alone is time that can be spent present… slowing down from the rush of the modern day wave… soaking in the information that’s touching your senses in the here and now—that may never again touch again in the same way… being grateful for the experience of life—despite all of its ups and downs…

Being alone is not a bad thing.

In fact, it may very well be precisely the thing that more of us need.

Don’t… waste time alone.

P.s. If you enjoy these 1-min messages, would you reply with a 1-line testimony that I can add to this landing page? :)

Good Karma Is Always A Good Idea

Published on April 2, 2025

Spend a little time each day helping people while you still can…

It’s one of the best ways to ensure that when you need help, you’ll have people who not only can…

But want to and will.

Prioritizing Here Over There

Published on March 31, 2025
  • I have a new employee starting today.
  • It’s one of my friend’s son’s birthday today.
  • My aunt is moving into her new “forever” home today.
  • My co-worker is having an intense back surgery procedure today.
  • And while I was driving home today, I saw that my neighbor’s house caught fire and burned down. Literally four houses away from where I live.

For each of the above situations, there are things I can do to help out. Things I can do to show thoughtfulness and care. Things I can do to make a real difference in their day… maybe even longer than that.

And my bet is, that’s probably true for you, too. Maybe not to the same extent that it happened for me on this particular day… but there none-the-less. Heck… maybe even more so?

My point is… maybe you’re focusing too much on the grandiose or getting too distracted on screen impact… and not enough on the folks in your own neighborhoods and in real life (IRL). The time, energy, and effort invested IRL can have an exponential effect compared to the same invested into screens.

A Lesson From Cheryl Strayed On Managing Grief

Published on March 26, 2025

After the death of her mom, Cheryl Strayed turned devastation and grief into self-sabotage.

She blew up her young marriage, estranged herself from her family, and started doing hard drugs—including heroin.

“I tried to wreck my life as a weird way to honor the death of my mom…” she admitted as she reflected back on that delicate time many years later at a live talk here in Buffalo, NY.

…Which I think is a very natural, knee-jerk kind of reaction to such overwhelming pain due to loss or grief in general.

We want to show how much we cared for a person—how much we loved them—by showing how deep our pain goes. And so we make this perverse decision to self-sabotage and wreck ourselves and our lives to display this deep love and care.

…But—and this is such an important but to consider when dealing with a blinding and unrelenting force like grief…

“…What we really need to do,” Cheryl said from the clarity of her further healed and more deeply considerate mind, “…is thrive.”

This is how we really honor the ones we love.

Not by causing further depths of pain and hate.

…But by embodying the depth of that love and becoming the living legacy of the absolute best version of that person. Spreading not more pain into the world—but, joy. Spreading not more hate into the lives of those around us—but, love.

…Leaving us not nearly dead and alone with a needle sticking out of our arm—but alive and thriving and accomplishing unimaginatively impressive feats that’ll inspire not only those around us today… but those in many generations to come.

Turning Nightmares To Dreams

Published on March 11, 2025

Laying in bed the other night, I felt a wave of grief and paralyzing fear come over me as my mind drifted deep into the thought of death—the inevitable conclusion and reality of my life.

And I laid there with it for quite some time… Imagining the various ways it all might unfold for me.

I imagined the various ages I could be… I imagined the various ways it might occur… I imagined the types of regrets I might feel…

And it absolutely terrified me.

To think about this unimaginatively impossible occurrence happening only once… getting no do-overs or heads up as to when it’ll all come to an end… being gone for the rest of time as life continues on without me… being forgotten… being nothing…

…And then I woke up the next morning.

And not only did it feel like another chance… but it reminded me that sleep is a type of exercise in death. It’s time spent being completely unconscious and evaporated from reality… and there wasn’t even a single moment of fear from when I fell asleep to when I woke up.

Live your days as mini-lives unto themselves. Fulfill as much of your life as you can from that moment you wake until the moment you sleep. Exercise and familiarize yourself with death. And, as Leonardo da Vinci said, the rest should take care of itself: “As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so a life well spent brings happy death.“

I Have A Headache

Published on March 9, 2025

I am writing to you today with a pretty intense headache.

And I know exactly why I have it.

I’ve been drinking coffee at 3pm-ish every day since I was 14 (which is when I’m usually getting ready to teach Martial Arts for the rest of the evening).

…But, today, like I do every now and again, I didn’t.

Now, I could have poured a cup or popped a pill to make it go away… but, working through this experience is also a part of the inner work journey.

I want to truly feel what my body feels when it doesn’t get that substance… I want to learn how to receive the pain and keep moving forward… I want to learn how to think with clarity even when there’s a throbbing pulse blanketing the circumference of my head.

I’m not going to cold turkey coffee and I’m not advising you to skip taking substances in your life per se.

I’m simply reminding you that not all pain needs to be erratically avoided. Sometimes it’s the pain we’re so avidly trying to avoid that we need to learn how to lean into before we can (finally) grow what strength is required for our next evolved version.