Question #1: Who brings out the best in you?
Question #2: Who brings out the worst in you?
And now for my real question: Is it really ever anyone but you?
In other words, sure, it’s easy to think that the best people will bring out the best in you and the worst people will bring out the worst in you. But, what comes out from you shouldn’t ever be dependent on them.
What comes out from you should solely be dependent on you.
Everybody should get your best. Not because they deserve it or have earned it—maybe they haven’t. But, because regardless of who you’re surrounded with, even the worst, nobody has the right to control your state of mind.
Life is too short to spend even one minute (that’s sixty seconds we’ll never get back) in your worst state.
And that’s not all—it perpetuates. Their worst state becomes your worst state which likely will become someone else’s worst state. We have to become the alchemists of our minds. We must learn to convert anger to patience; frustration to perseverance; pain to creativity. We must choose to break the cycle.
Otherwise, we might as well pass over the quality of our life to the people nearest to us throughout our days. And hope for the best.
“Whenever anything negative happens to you, there is a deep lesson concealed within it, although you may not see it at the time. Even a brief illness or an accident can show you what is real and unreal in your life, what ultimately matters and what doesn’t.”
Eckhart Tolle, via MoveMe Quotes
Here’s the thing, there are lessons concealed within every interaction with life—not just the negative ones.
An interaction implies an exchange and with every exchange comes new information that can be processed and applied—or ignored.
It’s not a question of whether or not the lessons are there—it’s a question of whether or not you are aware.
Of course, not all lessons impact equally.
Negative interactions with life might beget more memorable lessons because they usually draw from deeper felt emotions. Pain, sadness, regret, remorse, guilt, etc. are all felt in the roots of our being.
Positive interactions may not evoke the same deep feelings simply because these emotions: content, happy, bubbly—are usually felt on the periphery—the branches—of our being.
This is why some of the most poignant lessons in a person’s life usually stem from some of their most painful experiences and are the hardest earned.
But, don’t let this scare you away.
This is not a process to be avoided. For, this is the very foundation from which wisdom grows. And the person who avoids these interactions, in any of their forms, avoids a chance at wisdom for themself.
This is the danger with sitting on the sideline; with choosing not to try because of fear; with avoiding opportunities in favor of comfort—you opt out of a chance for wisdom.
A chance for better judgement. A chance for deeper understanding. A chance for a better, future life.