Category: Self-Limiting Beliefs

When I was around 18 years old, I was selected to give a speech on bullying by the martial arts organization I worked for.

What I knew was that (1) it was for a bully prevention event being hosted within our community, (2) I was to talk about how martial arts can help prevent bullying and those being bullied, and (3) I could give a pretty good on the fly “mat-chat” at the end of a regular martial arts class where I would discuss important topics for a few minutes with students of all ages (which was why I was selected vs other instructors).

What I didn’t know was that (1) it was being hosted at The Buffalo Bills field house (the NFL team) for a large number of community members, (2) I was to give my talk immediately after a local beauty pageant queen whose entire platform was on bullying who had a well-memorized, stat-decorated, story driven speech that would make my “on the fly” thoughts feel juvenile and inadequate, and (3) my strategy of “not worrying about it” and “trusting that I’d figure it out when I got there” would wildly backfire and that I’d blackout when I was handed the mic on stage… and that I’d blabber and bomb it.

…And what I know now (after being interviewed by a local news station and comfortably speaking about the topic for 20ish minutes today) is (1) a whole lot more about bullying, (2) it’s largely because of that above mentioned experience that I do, and (3) one experience doesn’t have to define how all of your future experiences will go.

I got an email from a local yoga studio today.

They’re hosting a yogathon which features a two hour yoga class.

At first thought, two hours might sound like a really long time—and you might think back to the times when you took a 45 minute or 1 hour class and were deaddddddd.

And because of that you might count yourself out and resolve to do things that are more within the ol’ comfort zone.

But towards the end of the email, they included this line: “Before you count yourself out, consider what might be possible if you didn’t!”

…And what a powerful line that is.

Before you turn up the volume on your self-limiting beliefs, consider turning up the volume on this other, just as easily accessible, channel.

The channel that asks you to consider what might be possible if you didn’t count yourself out… what might happen if you did show up and try your best… what you might learn about yourself and how your life might change if you stepped into this extraordinary opportunity…

…And I’m no longer talking about the yogathon.

I’m talking about every extraordinary opportunity you’re offered in life.

P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week, here.

…A student of mine exclaimed frustratingly while trying to coordinate her body to do some martial arts moves that she kept confusing.

To which I replied with something along the lines of: “Nothing is wrong with you. You’re learning. Slow down and stop thinking that anything is wrong with you. You’re on precisely the right path. It’s the rushing—your desire to get it correct now—that’s causing the confusion. Calm your mind and take it slow; patience is required for growth.”

So many times in life, what’s wrong with us is the fact that we think something is wrong with us.

And it’s precisely those beliefs that become the self-fulfilling prophecies that (continue to) make things go wrong.

What if—now stay with me here on this—nothing was wrong with you?

What if you were precisely where you were meant to be, as you are?

What if all of the people and things that were telling you that something was wrong with you were in fact… the ones and things that were wrong?

…What if you lived your life thinking you were… just right?

P.s. 48 Brianna Wiest Quotes from The Mountain Is You on Self-Sabotage and Healing

Being the manager of a business, a big part of what I do is sales.

Fortunately for me, I’m wholeheartedly in love with what I sell.

Also fortunately for me, I’ve been able to learn from great salesmen who are also wholeheartedly in love with what they sell.

Many years ago, however, when I was first moving into sales from a teaching role, I made the mistake of thinking salesmen had to look a certain way, talk a certain way, and had to have a certain personality flair about them that was… in my mind… largely innate.

And in my mind, if my identity didn’t match that identity type… I couldn’t do it. After all, they were great, they looked the part, they were able to walk that innate walk… Who was I in comparison? …And it was that self-limiting belief that made me lack major confidence.

But, after enough training, trial-and-error, and growth… I slowly started to settle into my own style. I took what I liked from the greats, discarded what I didn’t, added my own unique takes, mixed in thoughts from other greats, and eventually landed on a style that I’m super comfortable and confident with.

This is the learning curve when it comes to developing any new skill.

As I reflect on this, the big takeaway for me is to avoid at all costs trying to copy and paste exactly what you see in another. This will only drain precious life energy that you could otherwise be using to invest in the real game-changing task: making the thing your own.

The thing about arrogance is that it allows people to perform without a throttle—they have an undeniable belief in themselves and little to no perceived limits.

This can be a superpower when channeled correctly.

The problem with arrogance is that, ironically, it is usually build upon a foundation of lack. There is no throttle and there is little to no limit because what they are trying to prove has little to no limit.

And what they are trying to prove is that they do, indeed, have worth; that they are respectable; that they are competent; that they are “good;” that they can be “successful;” and so on.

And when you have something to prove—that is based on the perception of others—you can either 1) stand out from the rest by straight up being the best or 2) tear everyone else down until you’re the best that’s left.

But, the idea of building other people up becomes a fundamental threat to the arrogant person because it means they’ll move further into the crowd; the averages; the “unseen” masses.

The key to turning arrogance from a “weapon of mass destruction” to an ultimate superpower is to remove the idea of competition with others. When you can task the arrogant person with a mission that has nothing to do with outperforming or beating others, there is no limit to the amount of good they’ll attempt to do.

…Task an arrogant person with becoming the best fighter and there’s no limit on how many people he’ll (try to) beat down.

…Task an arrogant person with becoming the greatest philanthropist and there’s no limit on how many people he’ll (try to) help.