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Category: Priorities

Sacred Spaces

Published on June 7, 2023

“I have to draw a boundary with my mom.”

…A friend was telling me apprehensively as we finished a morning run.

“She’s trying to come with me to yoga class at my yoga studio—which is something I would love for her to get into—but that’s my sacred space.”

To which I replied… “You’re absolutely right.”

It doesn’t matter who the person is or how important they are in your life—your mom, your sibling, your spouse—there are some things you simply need to do for yourself which sometimes need to be done by yourself.

Period.

Because you know who’s more important than your mom, your sibling, or your spouse?

…You are.

And if you don’t recognize that and prioritize things in your life that make you feel collected/calm/sane—then it’s the very people who you’re prioritizing over yourself who’ll experience the adverse effects of that. Pretty backwards, eh?

So if there are spaces that need to be held sacred so you can have necessary releases in your practice? Then you hold those spaces sacred.

If there are activities you’re doing that allow you to express and connect in a way that’s disrupted by the presence of others? Then you draw that boundary.

If your mental health and sanity is telling you that you need to do a thing for your mental health and sanity—then it’s your loved ones, more than anyone else, who should understand and support you. Not object, take offense, and make you feel bad.

The relationship we have with ourself needs to count. It deserves to be prioritized. And like any relationship, it requires dedicated time. Never feel bad about giving yourself time.

What They Say and What You Do

Published on May 20, 2023

“Build a social media empire!” They say.

“Post every day! Interact with as many people as possible!” They say.

“Tik Tok is where it’s at! Oh, but don’t forget about your Instagram! YouTube will really bring in the bucks!” They say.

To which I say… “No thanks.”

It’s not for me.

For every moment I’d be spending crafting the perfect thumbnail, worrying about stupid lighting, and fine-tuning the perfect 1-second pitch to capture almost non-existent digital attention… I could be spending in deep thought; wrestling with words; exploring the depths…

Which isn’t to say there’s anything wrong with building a social media empire. It’s undoubtedly an incredibly powerful tool and there are plenty of people who do it brilliantly.

It’s merely to say—it’s not for everybody. And you shouldn’t feel bad about yourself if it’s not for you. Do what makes sense to you and play to your strengths.

What they say and what you do should have nothing to do with each other.

P.s. I also published: 15 Aytekin Tank Quotes from Automate Your Busywork To Help You Reclaim Your Time

What Are You Optimizing For?

Published on May 19, 2023

…Many people don’t know.

They’re merely doing what they think they need to do because it’s what they’ve been told/ taught/ tricked into thinking.

And sadly, in many cases, people are optimizing for the very thing(s) that’s making them most miserable.

Things like busyness (e.g. how can I squeeze in more time at work, check more emails, say yes to more tasks…) or comparison (e.g. how can I check my social media feeds more often, post/comment/share more, watch more people live their lives) or distraction (e.g. what social gatherings can I go to, who would join me in drinking/smoking/drugs, what TV series can I maximally binge on)… And so forth.

But, when you answer the question and actually know what you’re optimizing for—what you most want to optimize for in your life—your whole approach to scheduling changes.

You might realize what you actually want to optimize for are things like emptiness (e.g. an open calendar, no plans, no tasks) or connection (e.g. family gatherings/ outings, coffee with friends, live audio chats with like-minded people) or introspection (e.g. time spent writing, time spent meditating, time spent in therapy)… and so forth.

Take control of your schedule and you take control of your life. A schedule optimized for busyness isn’t going to get much inner work done—that needs to be decided and optimized for ahead of time. Never forget that it’s the makers of schedules who get the most out of life, not the prisoners of them.

P.s. How I like my paths.

Time is Made

Published on May 7, 2023

Note to self: Time isn’t found, it’s made.

That important thing you always put off until later… to a time when you’ll find “more time”—is an illusion. It’s nothing more than a distractionary tactic of your mind to avoid doing the hard thing(s) now. This is what I’m reminded of tonight as I sit here writing this, at the end of my weekend, with a list of three other tasks that still need to get done because I assured myself earlier this week that I’ll have “more time” to do them all this weekend.

Time isn’t found later—it’s made in the now.

P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week, here.

W-O-R-T-H

Published on May 4, 2023

Today, while typing a quote to be uploaded to MoveMe Quotes, my eyes saw “W-O-R-T-H” and my fingers typed “W-O-R-K.”

Normally, typos are no big deal and are fixed just as fast as they’re made—but, this typo hit different. It almost felt like a message being sent.

For context, I can type fast—about as fast as I can read when I’m uploaded quotes from books or other sources. Which means typing is largely an unconscious task for me. I don’t have to think about where the “K” key is or the “T” and “H” keys are… my fingers just know after having punched them a bajillion times.

Which makes me think… did my subconscious take momentary control over my fingers to illustrate a point reminding me not to tie my worth too intimately to my work? Was it a signal that I’ve been devoting too much time to my work endeavors and that I needed to do other things that fulfill my feelings of worth as a person?

…Or was it just a stupid typo and I’m overthinking this whole thing?

I digress.

P.s. For those who aren’t aware of the insightful depth and/or communication methods of the subconscious, read this.

Sacrifices In Work

Published on April 28, 2023

I had the privilege of seeing Isabel Wilkerson (the first woman of African-American heritage to win the Pulitzer prize in journalism and Pulitzer prize winning author of The Warmth of Other Suns) speak at Kleinhans Music Hall in Buffalo, NY this past week.

At the end of her rousing speech, there was a live Q & A.

One answer she gave struck me in particular…

She was asked (paraphrased), “What sacrifices did you have to make in order to get this incredible body of work completed?”

Now, before I tell you her answer—some context:

  • It took her 15 years to write The Warmth of Other Suns (she joked that if her book was a child it would be in high school and dating by the time she finished).
  • She interviewed 1200+ people herself for the book (not a typo).
  • She somehow managed to boil down those 1200+ interviews into four stories that were featured in the narrative fiction that is The Warmth of Other Suns.

Okay, now that we’re on the same page, this was her answer (paraphrased):

“I feel like I didn’t make any sacrifices. I’m doing the work I was called here to do and that makes all of the time invested worth it.“

I suppose when you look at the creation of your work as analogous to birthing and raising a child (that makes it all the way to high school)—you really don’t see what you’re doing as a sacrifice. Your work takes on a life of its own that you bear the responsibility for raising.

…And maybe that’s an analogy we can start using in reference to our work as well.

Life Balance From A DJ

Published on April 22, 2023

When you watch a really great DJ play a live set, you see a beautiful balance worth emulating.

They’ll put their headphones on and focus intensely on the next track—keenly preparing for what’s to come and how to transition most brilliantly.

And then—and this is where most of us miss—when the transition is about to happen, they take their headphones off, grab the audience by the hand, and jump, pump, and JAM OUT as they celebrate the byproduct of their work.

Focus on preparing the whole time and you miss moments worth celebrating. Jump, pump, and jam the whole time and you won’t be DJing at all—you’ll be playing someone else’s track.

Get this balance right… of putting your life energy into your work and then celebrating key moments along the way… and you’ll unlock a level of life fulfillment that’s worth raving about.

P.s. I was on vacation this past weekend which is why I haven’t published my daily writings—but that doesn’t mean I didn’t write. This was my reflection from Saturday, April 22, 2023.