Category: Thinking Clearly

Not All Battles Are Fought With Fists

Published on June 26, 2021

“Last week, a kid rode beside me while I ran, yelling ”Chinatown!” Today, a 2nd one rode by and spat on me. I’m shocked because they were with their parents, who didn’t say anything. I’m even more ashamed because I didn’t either. One day, I hope to be courageous enough to.”
Aletheia Délivré, Twitter

Courage isn’t cursing the kids who act disgustingly.

Courage isn’t forcing lessons down kids’ throats whose parents could care less.

Courage isn’t on-demand TED Talks on why you shouldn’t spit on others or use derogatory language.

Courage is far more versatile than that.

Courage is breaking the cycle of hate and deploying actions of love.

Courage is careful reflection and the igniting of hard-to-have conversations.

Courage is transforming the pain of life into something that can be gifted to others.

Let’s not pigeonhole courage into a one-size-fits-all box.

Each of us should fight our battles utilizing the unique strengths that have been gifted to us.

Writing is how I fight mine. And I suspect Aletheia’s tweet sent out more waves of support and acceptance than anything she could’ve said or done in the heat of those above mentioned, disgusting moments.

Nothing can be said to the ears of those who don’t want to hear.

But, to the ears that do?

When the right message makes its way to the ocean of ears who do care, are willing to support a just cause, and have the conviction to unite and fight?

The result may very well match the might of the ocean herself.

And to you, Aletheia, who did absolutely nothing wrong, hold your head up high and keep fighting the good fight. You have nothing to be ashamed of and everything to look forward to. You’ll become better from this. And so, too, will the world.

Don’t Offend The Universe

Published on June 23, 2021

It took us 13.8 billion years to get to today.

And you’re gonna waste it on…?

Complaining? Overthinking? Hating?

The universe is offended.

Let’s use this small slice of eternity in the most grateful, thoughtful, loving way(s) we can.

No waste.

Who Brings Out The Best/Worst In You?

Published on June 18, 2021

Question #1: Who brings out the best in you?
Question #2: Who brings out the worst in you?

And now for my real question: Is it really ever anyone but you?

In other words, sure, it’s easy to think that the best people will bring out the best in you and the worst people will bring out the worst in you. But, what comes out from you shouldn’t ever be dependent on them.

What comes out from you should solely be dependent on you.

Everybody should get your best. Not because they deserve it or have earned it—maybe they haven’t. But, because regardless of who you’re surrounded with, even the worst, nobody has the right to control your state of mind.

Life is too short to spend even one minute (that’s sixty seconds we’ll never get back) in your worst state.

And that’s not all—it perpetuates. Their worst state becomes your worst state which likely will become someone else’s worst state. We have to become the alchemists of our minds. We must learn to convert anger to patience; frustration to perseverance; pain to creativity. We must choose to break the cycle.

Otherwise, we might as well pass over the quality of our life to the people nearest to us throughout our days. And hope for the best.

The Unemotional Movie

Published on June 9, 2021

Imagine watching a movie where the main character is born into a nice family, grows up in a nice neighborhood, enjoys nice experiences, goes to a nice school, gets a nice job, settles down with a nice family—THE END.

No drama. No problems. No conflict.

No creative thinking. No problem solving. No hero journey.

Just one nice scene after the next. One easy step forward after the next. Only happiness, smiles, and victories—and no sadness, depth, or challenge.

Can you think of any such movie? I can’t. And here’s why: they don’t get produced. Why? Because they’re bland. But, also because movies like this are further from the human experience than even the most fantastical sci-fi movies.

If there’s one common goal that all movies share, it’s to evoke an emotional response. And the best way to remove that response is to make everything drama/problem/conflict-free; by flatlining the ebbs and flows; by making everything, just, nice.

The drama is precisely what draws us in—because our lives are dramatic. The problems are what captivate our attention—because our lives are filled with problems. And sharing that experience of drama, problems, conflict—even with fictional characters—is what connects us to the greater experience of being human.

If I were to sit down and watch a playback movie of your life, would you want me to only see the highlight reel of your life? Or would you want me to see what you had to overcome in order to earn your highlight reel? Victory isn’t as sweet without loss. Accomplishment isn’t as meaningful without challenge. The “highs” aren’t as appreciated without the “lows.”

Remember this the next time you confront drama, problems, and conflict—it’s your chance to add some depth, contrast, and feeling to the movie of your life.

When’s The Last Time You Took A Mind Shower?

Published on June 7, 2021

“Just as you take a shower or bath in the morning to get yesterday’s dirt off your body, you do your spiritual practice in the morning to get yesterday’s thinking off your mind and heart.”
Marianne Williamson, via MoveMe Quotes

If you never take the time to “clean” your mind, of course it’s going to get “dirty.” This shouldn’t come as a surprise. You aren’t surprised when your body gets dirty after not having showered or bathed in a few days, right? We must start to look at our minds the same.

If your thinking is “mudded,” or “stinky” with demeaning thoughts, or covered in negativity, etc., then you need a mind shower, my friend! Here’s what you do:

Set the environment for cleaning. When you shower you turn the water on, take off your clothes, and leave your phone in the other room (hopefully). Likewise, for mind cleaning: turn a timer or background sounds on, “take off” your old thoughts, and leave your phone in the other room.
Use soap, shampoo, and conditioner. For mind cleaning, like showering, just turning the water on and stepping in isn’t enough. You have to actively engage in the cleaning process. Let returning to your breath or a guided meditation be your soap. Let writing your extraneous thoughts down be your shampoo. Let mantra be your conditioner.
Dry yourself off and put on fresh clothes. Come back into the reality of the world with a more clean and clear mind. Dry yourself off with a walk, a visit to nature, or some relaxing activity. And “dress” your mind with some positive reading, fresh conversation, or constructive listening (to podcasts or mentors).

Without regular mind cleaning, you’re going to start to stink—it’s as inevitable as starting to stink without bodily cleaning. Ideally, we should put into place a daily practice, like showering, to keep our minds consistently clean. You can try to cover it up with quick-fixes like deodorant or perfume, but eventually, your stinkiness will seep through. And nobody likes hanging around a smelly mind.

You Stop Incoming Hits By Hitting Back

Published on June 4, 2021

A friend of mine is going through a rough time. Life is hitting them from all angles. All they want to do is crawl into a ball and hide. In their defense, I think we’ve all been there. I know I have.

But, all this does is move shots from all angles in the front, to all angles at their back. It does nothing to stop the incoming shots—it merely changes the target.

In self-defense situations, you always do everything you can to avoid the fight—but you also defend yourself when necessary. Getting swung at even once is just cause for self-defense. And defending yourself isn’t curing into a ball; defending yourself is hitting back.

This is what you have to do when life decides to hit you, too. You have to hit back. Not by punching, kicking, or elbowing. But, by confronting, transforming, and responding.

Just like you block a punch by confronting it with your arm, you block a problem by confronting it with your mind. Just like you transform a person’s energy against them in Martial Arts, you transform emotional energy into a creative outlet in life. Just like you respond to an aggressor’s attack based on training, you respond to life’s challenges based on experience.

And if you don’t know what to do against an attack and get hit—what do you do? Curl into a ball? Or figure out what went wrong and learn how to defend against it? The latter of course. So, expand your mind! Find the right book. Write to find clarity. Talk to more experienced people. Broaden your understanding. And hit back.

Don’t just give life a different target; make life the target and take your shots.

Rebounding From Success

Published on June 1, 2021

Over the weekend, I had a tweet go viral. As of this writing, it reached upwards of 446K people. The notifications wouldn’t stop. I was getting dopamine hit after dopamine hit and it lasted for three days! It was pretty exciting to say the least.

As soon as I realized what was happening, however, excitement wasn’t the only feeling that emerged. I also became incredibly self-conscious. I started hyper examining my profile page, past tweets, and analytics. And most notably, I started getting anxious and second-guessing myself as I thought about what to do next.

These are the cautionary side-effects that come with success: it inflates the ego; manipulates expectations, desire, self-image; and causes a person to move from their work to their head. And being “in your head” is not a good place to be when producing work is the game. Producing work best happens when you’re out of your head—when you’re in your zone.

In order to get back on track I had to deliberately get myself away from the analytics. I had to forget about the outcome(s) and focus back on the craft. Just like it takes mindful effort to recycle failure, so too does it take mindful effort to rebound from successes. When in doubt, just remember, regardless of the outcome—viral or bust—always return to your work. And you’ll always be right.