Category: Thinking Clearly

The Unemotional Movie

Published on June 9, 2021

Imagine watching a movie where the main character is born into a nice family, grows up in a nice neighborhood, enjoys nice experiences, goes to a nice school, gets a nice job, settles down with a nice family—THE END.

No drama. No problems. No conflict.

No creative thinking. No problem solving. No hero journey.

Just one nice scene after the next. One easy step forward after the next. Only happiness, smiles, and victories—and no sadness, depth, or challenge.

Can you think of any such movie? I can’t. And here’s why: they don’t get produced. Why? Because they’re bland. But, also because movies like this are further from the human experience than even the most fantastical sci-fi movies.

If there’s one common goal that all movies share, it’s to evoke an emotional response. And the best way to remove that response is to make everything drama/problem/conflict-free; by flatlining the ebbs and flows; by making everything, just, nice.

The drama is precisely what draws us in—because our lives are dramatic. The problems are what captivate our attention—because our lives are filled with problems. And sharing that experience of drama, problems, conflict—even with fictional characters—is what connects us to the greater experience of being human.

If I were to sit down and watch a playback movie of your life, would you want me to only see the highlight reel of your life? Or would you want me to see what you had to overcome in order to earn your highlight reel? Victory isn’t as sweet without loss. Accomplishment isn’t as meaningful without challenge. The “highs” aren’t as appreciated without the “lows.”

Remember this the next time you confront drama, problems, and conflict—it’s your chance to add some depth, contrast, and feeling to the movie of your life.

When’s The Last Time You Took A Mind Shower?

Published on June 7, 2021

“Just as you take a shower or bath in the morning to get yesterday’s dirt off your body, you do your spiritual practice in the morning to get yesterday’s thinking off your mind and heart.”
Marianne Williamson, via MoveMe Quotes

If you never take the time to “clean” your mind, of course it’s going to get “dirty.” This shouldn’t come as a surprise. You aren’t surprised when your body gets dirty after not having showered or bathed in a few days, right? We must start to look at our minds the same.

If your thinking is “mudded,” or “stinky” with demeaning thoughts, or covered in negativity, etc., then you need a mind shower, my friend! Here’s what you do:

Set the environment for cleaning. When you shower you turn the water on, take off your clothes, and leave your phone in the other room (hopefully). Likewise, for mind cleaning: turn a timer or background sounds on, “take off” your old thoughts, and leave your phone in the other room.
Use soap, shampoo, and conditioner. For mind cleaning, like showering, just turning the water on and stepping in isn’t enough. You have to actively engage in the cleaning process. Let returning to your breath or a guided meditation be your soap. Let writing your extraneous thoughts down be your shampoo. Let mantra be your conditioner.
Dry yourself off and put on fresh clothes. Come back into the reality of the world with a more clean and clear mind. Dry yourself off with a walk, a visit to nature, or some relaxing activity. And “dress” your mind with some positive reading, fresh conversation, or constructive listening (to podcasts or mentors).

Without regular mind cleaning, you’re going to start to stink—it’s as inevitable as starting to stink without bodily cleaning. Ideally, we should put into place a daily practice, like showering, to keep our minds consistently clean. You can try to cover it up with quick-fixes like deodorant or perfume, but eventually, your stinkiness will seep through. And nobody likes hanging around a smelly mind.

You Stop Incoming Hits By Hitting Back

Published on June 4, 2021

A friend of mine is going through a rough time. Life is hitting them from all angles. All they want to do is crawl into a ball and hide. In their defense, I think we’ve all been there. I know I have.

But, all this does is move shots from all angles in the front, to all angles at their back. It does nothing to stop the incoming shots—it merely changes the target.

In self-defense situations, you always do everything you can to avoid the fight—but you also defend yourself when necessary. Getting swung at even once is just cause for self-defense. And defending yourself isn’t curing into a ball; defending yourself is hitting back.

This is what you have to do when life decides to hit you, too. You have to hit back. Not by punching, kicking, or elbowing. But, by confronting, transforming, and responding.

Just like you block a punch by confronting it with your arm, you block a problem by confronting it with your mind. Just like you transform a person’s energy against them in Martial Arts, you transform emotional energy into a creative outlet in life. Just like you respond to an aggressor’s attack based on training, you respond to life’s challenges based on experience.

And if you don’t know what to do against an attack and get hit—what do you do? Curl into a ball? Or figure out what went wrong and learn how to defend against it? The latter of course. So, expand your mind! Find the right book. Write to find clarity. Talk to more experienced people. Broaden your understanding. And hit back.

Don’t just give life a different target; make life the target and take your shots.

Rebounding From Success

Published on June 1, 2021

Over the weekend, I had a tweet go viral. As of this writing, it reached upwards of 446K people. The notifications wouldn’t stop. I was getting dopamine hit after dopamine hit and it lasted for three days! It was pretty exciting to say the least.

As soon as I realized what was happening, however, excitement wasn’t the only feeling that emerged. I also became incredibly self-conscious. I started hyper examining my profile page, past tweets, and analytics. And most notably, I started getting anxious and second-guessing myself as I thought about what to do next.

These are the cautionary side-effects that come with success: it inflates the ego; manipulates expectations, desire, self-image; and causes a person to move from their work to their head. And being “in your head” is not a good place to be when producing work is the game. Producing work best happens when you’re out of your head—when you’re in your zone.

In order to get back on track I had to deliberately get myself away from the analytics. I had to forget about the outcome(s) and focus back on the craft. Just like it takes mindful effort to recycle failure, so too does it take mindful effort to rebound from successes. When in doubt, just remember, regardless of the outcome—viral or bust—always return to your work. And you’ll always be right.

Sexy Follows Foundation (Foundation Doesn’t Follow Sexy)

Published on May 26, 2021

Learning how to defend against punches, chokes, and grabs is great. Learning how to defend against laziness, temptation, provocation is better.

Learning how to monetize a website, blog, or article is great. Learning how to write more clearly, concisely, and consistently—is better.

Learning tactics to promote yourself, a product, or service is great. Learning how to make yourself, a product, or service more remarkably great—is better.

It’s easy to invest most of our time into learning what’s sexy. UFC style self-defenses, multiple channel monetization, maximizing reach and distribution. It’s hard to invest time into learning the less-sexy, foundational stuff. But, it’s those foundational skills that give the “sexy” stuff life.

Because what’s the best way to defend against a punch? By never getting into a position of being punched. And how do you do that? By learning foundational character development skills of how to be confident, disciplined, and cool-tempered.

What’s the best thing you can do to make money online? By creating something that serves a need and is thoughtful and generous. Not by creating superficial content, taking short-cuts, or cleverly fooling people into payment plans and sexy funnels.

This is even true for how people see each other. What makes a person sexy? You might argue something about a person’s appearance, but that fades quickly if it isn’t matched with a sexy character. Ashton Kutcher said it perfectly:

“The sexiest thing in the entire world is being really smart. And being thoughtful, and being generous. Everything else is crap, I promise you. It’s just crap that people try to sell to you to make you feel like less. So don’t buy it. Be smart, be thoughtful and be generous.”

And so I pass it onto you: be smart, thoughtful, and generous. Especially with how you spend your time. Are you investing in foundation or drooling over what appears to be sexy?

The Paradox Of Personal Change

Published on May 13, 2021

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
Carl Rogers, Via MoveMe Quotes

Putting on a mask doesn’t change who you are. It may change your outward appearance, but underneath—there you are. Wearing a mask might make you feel different and therefore may entice you to act different, but, when the mask comes off—so, too, does the behavior. They are intertwined. If they weren’t, then why wear the mask?

Social media is the modern-day digital mask. It allows you to change your outward appearance at scale. From the comfort of your home, you can filter how you look, prop up a facade to change the way you live, and surround yourself with people pumped up on vanity metrics. But, after you’re done thumbing through your phone and the screen turns off—there you are. No different than you were before you turned the phone on.

When you accept yourself just as you are, what you’re really doing is accepting your current situation and limitations—as they are. You’re not trying to pretend you’re somebody you’re not, who is living a lifestyle you actually aren’t, who is doing things you, in fact, are not. You’re admitting to yourself your real identity, what you’re actually capable of, and what your current situation will realistically allow you to do.

And there you are. And finally, the real change can begin.

Fear Is The Path To The Dark Side

Published on May 4, 2021

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering. I sense much fear in you.”
Yoda, via MoveMe Quotes

Fear initiates our fight-or-flight response. It causes us to tense up our bodies and narrow our vision. It puts us on the defensive. It forces us to raise our outer walls and close off our vulnerabilities. It leaves us emotionally on edge and ready to defend against the threats of the world. It’s the state that readies us for battle.

We don’t go to battle with a sense of love or happiness—we battle with a sense of anger, rage, and/or upset. These emotions are the fuel that amplify our ability to fight or take flight—they are the fuel that amplify war.

And given enough of that fuel, it doesn’t who or what is opposing us, hate blinds the eyes to compassion and understanding and fills the mind only with images of threats and enemies to be neutralized. When we are operating from a place of fear, anger, and hate—enemies, threats, and war is all we see.

And if all we see is enemies, threats, and war—suffering is inevitable.

For what is the antidote to suffering?

Having allies? When you know there are people who have your back and that you can trust even when times get tough. Having enemies is the antithesis of that.
The feeling of connection? Feeling seen and heard and like you can express your authentic self. Feeling threatened is one of the fastest ways to close off your authentic self to the world.
An environment of peace? Having that sense of security, safety, and compassion surround you so that you can relax into the moment. Seeing only war will keep you as tense as a rock in the name of self-preservation.

When you look deeply into yourself, do you see someone who is operating in the world from a place of fear or from a place of confidence? Do you look out into the world and see groupings of potential friends or enemies? Do you feel like you are constantly at war or do you feel like you are walking each step of your life in peace?

Fear is the root cause of suffering; it’s the path to the dark side. Nurture the confidence in yourself and come to the light.