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Category: Thinking Clearly

If You Want To Change How You Act—Start Here…

Published on July 22, 2021

We think—then we feel—then we act.

Even when we think we act before we think or feel—we don’t.

We simply act really quickly in response to something we think and then feel.

Like when you get cut off in traffic. You don’t just act without a thought or feeling.

You just go from, “What are you doing you idiot?!?!” to feeling threatened to responding with road rage in what feels like a thoughtless snap.

Because that’s the response you’ve spent the most time training. Every time someone cut you off, right from the very beginning, that was the thought, feeling, action sequence that you practiced. And so it became a habit. So much so, that it feels thoughtless to you.

But it’s not. And it can be changed. Just like any other bad habit.

But first, you have to change how you think about those bad habits.

Rather than,“What are you doing you idiot?!?!” think, “Wow, I’m so thankful for my reaction time—this person obviously didn’t know what they were doing.” And let that lead to feeling proud of yourself for your awareness/ reaction time. And let that lead to a heightened sense of gratitude rather than road rage.

So long as you continue to think of the drivers around you as idiots, the feelings of being threatened will continue to emerge, and the response will continue to be road rage.

If you want to change how you act, change how you think, first.

The Paradox Of Beliefs And Actions

Published on July 17, 2021

When we’re worried, we look for things to worry about.

When we’re angry, we look for things to be angry about.

When we’re irritable, we look for things to be irritated about.

The same follows for beliefs, too.

When we believe we’re stuck, we look for reasons to confirm our stuck-ness.

When we believe we’re victims, we look for reasons to confirm our victimhood.

When we believe we’re worthless, we look for reasons to confirm our worthlessness.

Our beliefs dictate our actions. We certainly don’t instinctually act in opposition to our beliefs. However, our actions are precisely what dictate our beliefs.

Here’s the thing: if you can figure out how to act in opposition to the beliefs that don’t serve you—you will have figured out the key to changing your beliefs altogether.

Anger Is Temporary Madness

Published on July 16, 2021

I reiterate: temporary madness.

Give it some space. Take some time away from the situation. Become sane again.

Let the haze of emotion settle so that what’s left is rational action.

Then, in your normal, non-maddened state—respond.

Remember, step 1 to solving any problem is: don’t make things worse than they need to be.

And acting in anger—in madness—almost always trashes step 1.

Go Back To Idle

Published on July 15, 2021

“When in trouble, just let go. Go back to idle.”

Delia Owens, Where The Crawdads Sing (Page 41)

When you get yourself in trouble, it implies you’ve crossed a line; broken a rule; done harm.

Which further implies that there were faults in your mindset that led to faulty actions.

When the momentum of those decisions causes you to cross a line, break a rule, or do harm—the worse thing you can do is maintain that momentum.

Stop. Let go. Go back to idle.

Carefully inspect your thought process. Sit. Breathe. Adjust. Choose new actions; better actions.

Then, and only then, should you start again.

Follow Your Passion Is Bad Advice

Published on July 13, 2021

“Your purpose comes from doing what you love. Your meaning comes from sharing it.”

Unknown

Worth elaborating on: “Doing what you love.”

I love watching Netflix, eating junk food, playing games, and surfing through social media. But, generally speaking, you and I both know that’s not where purpose comes from.

So, what kind of love are we talking about? We’re talking about the kind of love that leads to skill-building tasks. Skills are the currency of careers. And finding a career that properly utilizes your skills is what leads to a fulfilling sense of purpose.

This is why “follow your passion” can be bad advice.

Being passionate about something is, in-and-of-itself, worthless in the business world. Pay attention to your passions, sure! But, focus primarily on building skills in those areas of passion. That is how you’ll elevate yourself to a purposeful opportunity you can be proud of.

Take martial arts for example. Being passionate about martial arts is great. You can watch the movies, read the books, collect the posters, etc. But, until you learn how properly execute martial arts techniques, how to teach students of all ability levels, how to run the business side of the martial arts school, etc.—your passions are of little to no value.

Build skills in accordance to your passions. Elevate yourself to a purposeful position. Then, share it with the world.

The Antithesis Of Freedom

Published on July 8, 2021

Our busyness is often our enemy; it is the antithesis of freedom.

Freedom is the feeling we get when we’re not busy.

And most of what we spend our days being busy about (e.g. acquiring wealth) is really supposed to be a means for acquiring freedom. The freedom to live life on our own terms.

But, what if the means was in direct opposition to the end goal? What if our work kept us from living on our own terms at all?

Here’s the thing, this is not a call to quit your job and/or shed all of your responsibilities that keep you busy. Rather, it’s a call to carefully reevaluate what it is exactly that you’re so busy with and how it connects to your freedom.

  • If family came to visit from out of town during your work week, would you be able see them? Or would you be too busy?
  • If a good friend was in trouble and asked you for coffee, would you be able to meet them? Or would you be too busy?
  • If your favorite band was playing a concert near you, but it was during a work weekend, would you have the freedom to go see them? Or would you be too busy?

Sometimes we sacrifice doing what we want to do with work because we know it will lead to more future freedom. But, what are you securing future freedom for if you’re sacrificing all of your top priorities now?

We Fear What We Don’t Understand

Published on July 3, 2021

My dog will BARK and YELL and RAGE and fearlessly advance towards even the most vicious looking dogs.

But, pops, cracks, and whizzes from the fridge?

Terrified. Whimpers. Needs to be held.

These noises, of course, don’t scare us because we understand them.

But, failure, aloneness, suffering?

Leaves most of us terrified, whimpering, and feeling like we need to be held.

Maybe it’s the case that these things aren’t inherently scary, but we’re just scared of them because we don’t fully understand them.

Maybe if we spent more time learning how to fail forward, enjoy aloneness, and channel our suffering—we wouldn’t be so scared?

Things become less scary once we understand them.

This post became the introduction for: 13 Rousing Delia Owens Quotes from Where The Crawdads Sing on Abandonment, Love, and Self-Reliance