Category: Thinking Clearly

The Paradox Of Personal Change

Published on May 13, 2021

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
Carl Rogers, Via MoveMe Quotes

Putting on a mask doesn’t change who you are. It may change your outward appearance, but underneath—there you are. Wearing a mask might make you feel different and therefore may entice you to act different, but, when the mask comes off—so, too, does the behavior. They are intertwined. If they weren’t, then why wear the mask?

Social media is the modern-day digital mask. It allows you to change your outward appearance at scale. From the comfort of your home, you can filter how you look, prop up a facade to change the way you live, and surround yourself with people pumped up on vanity metrics. But, after you’re done thumbing through your phone and the screen turns off—there you are. No different than you were before you turned the phone on.

When you accept yourself just as you are, what you’re really doing is accepting your current situation and limitations—as they are. You’re not trying to pretend you’re somebody you’re not, who is living a lifestyle you actually aren’t, who is doing things you, in fact, are not. You’re admitting to yourself your real identity, what you’re actually capable of, and what your current situation will realistically allow you to do.

And there you are. And finally, the real change can begin.

Fear Is The Path To The Dark Side

Published on May 4, 2021

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering. I sense much fear in you.”
Yoda, via MoveMe Quotes

Fear initiates our fight-or-flight response. It causes us to tense up our bodies and narrow our vision. It puts us on the defensive. It forces us to raise our outer walls and close off our vulnerabilities. It leaves us emotionally on edge and ready to defend against the threats of the world. It’s the state that readies us for battle.

We don’t go to battle with a sense of love or happiness—we battle with a sense of anger, rage, and/or upset. These emotions are the fuel that amplify our ability to fight or take flight—they are the fuel that amplify war.

And given enough of that fuel, it doesn’t who or what is opposing us, hate blinds the eyes to compassion and understanding and fills the mind only with images of threats and enemies to be neutralized. When we are operating from a place of fear, anger, and hate—enemies, threats, and war is all we see.

And if all we see is enemies, threats, and war—suffering is inevitable.

For what is the antidote to suffering?

Having allies? When you know there are people who have your back and that you can trust even when times get tough. Having enemies is the antithesis of that.
The feeling of connection? Feeling seen and heard and like you can express your authentic self. Feeling threatened is one of the fastest ways to close off your authentic self to the world.
An environment of peace? Having that sense of security, safety, and compassion surround you so that you can relax into the moment. Seeing only war will keep you as tense as a rock in the name of self-preservation.

When you look deeply into yourself, do you see someone who is operating in the world from a place of fear or from a place of confidence? Do you look out into the world and see groupings of potential friends or enemies? Do you feel like you are constantly at war or do you feel like you are walking each step of your life in peace?

Fear is the root cause of suffering; it’s the path to the dark side. Nurture the confidence in yourself and come to the light.

Deciding Who You Want To Be—Thinking Vs. Telling

Published on May 3, 2021

“First tell yourself what kind of person you want to be, then do what you have to do. For in nearly every pursuit we see this to be the case. Those in athletic pursuits first choose the sport they want, and then do that work.”
Epictetus, via MoveMe Quotes

Telling yourself what kind of person you want to be isn’t the same as thinking to yourself what kind of person you want to be. Telling yourself is definitive—it represents a decision made. Thinking to yourself is undecided—it represents an ongoing debate. And how can you become someone you aren’t sure you want to be?

Before you can become the person you want to become, you have to decide who, exactly, that is. This is why telling yourself comes first. Most people, I suspect, keep a rough idea somewhere in their mind and roughly do what they think they have to do. But, their actions aren’t precisely pointed and are, as a result, ambiguous.

In athletic pursuits, picking comes pre-packaged with the correlated work—there’s no ambiguity. Pick basketball and your work will be dribbling, shooting, and passing. Pick baseball and your work will be catching, throwing, and hitting. Pick volleyball and your work will be serving, bumping, and spiking. And so forth.

In character development, however, we need to draw out our own work after we pick who we want to be—it’s unclear and can be confusing. If we pick kind, for example, we need to decide to whom, in what ways, how often, what we’ll do even if we don’t want to be kind, and so forth. It certainly isn’t as simple as dribbling, throwing, and spiking.

But, here’s the thing: it can be. To whom? Everybody. In what ways? Smiling, saying “Hi” first, complimenting, contributing, and listening. How often? In each moment. And if I don’t want to be kind? Create a boundary, remind yourself of your “why,” and spend some time improving your state. And lo and behold, you’ll have your work drawn out for you.

It’s only simple after it’s drawn out—not before. Before we decide who we want to become, we’re essentially moving our pencil across a blank piece of paper arbitrarily. Drawing happens, but without an outcome that we actually desire—because we haven’t identified what that outcome is! Once we decide, suddenly, our hand guides our pencil in an entirely different way. And what was once random and confusing, becomes pointed and clear.

Self-Limiting Beliefs Are Self Installed

Published on March 9, 2021

“Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they’re yours.”
Richard Bach, via MoveMe Quotes

Ridiculous to think we would ever do that, eh?

And yet, so many of us do exactly that every day.

We adopt limiting self-beliefs, cozy up to comfortable boundaries, enclose ourselves within sturdy walls, and install glass ceilings right over our own heads.

We literally are the architects of the very ‘box’ that we keep telling ourselves we want to think and break outside of. Why do we do this?

I remember telling my dad when I was a teen that I started a new workout routine: Westside for Skinny Bastards—a program designed to help ‘Hardgainers’ build muscle.

Without much thought, I added that I wasn’t going to try to become a body-builder or anything, that I would just use it as supplemental training for Martial Arts. And, without hesitation he replied, “Why not?”

I had to do a double-take to see if he was joking—he was serious. “Why not try to become a body builder?” He asked again.

My answer felt obvious: “I don’t have the body to be a body builder,” “I don’t have enough time to devote to lifting,” “I would never be able to beat some of the huge guys already in the scene.” I was, in effect, arguing my limitations.

When I look back at that moment now, I can see how one argument at a time, I was building myself into my own little ‘limitation box.’ How, one excuse at a time I was closing doors to rooms I hadn’t even peered into. How, one criticism at a time, I was shrinking my world to fit how I felt.

And I wonder how many other things I’ve walled myself up from?

Things that, for one reason or another, I decided I “couldn’t” do. Things that, as a result of something someone said to me or criticized me about, I never even ended up trying. Things that, because of how I saw myself in the mirror or, maybe better said, how I was taught to see myself in the mirror (by media and society)—I closed myself off to.

And I wonder the same for you?

Care For The Big Picture By Caring For The Small Details

Published on February 26, 2021

“When you pay attention to detail, the big picture will take care of itself.”
George St-Pierre, via MoveMe Quotes

In Martial Arts, the direction of your toes—matters. The placement of your hands—matters. The distribution of your weight—matters. Even the height of your shoulders, the tilt of your head, and the squint of your eyes—matters.

Of course, the general coordination of the move matters, too, but it’s precisely the above mentioned details—the fine motor adjustments—that puts the “Art” in “Martial.” It’s the great divide between what makes “okay” and what makes “great.”

What separates an amateur punch from a professional punch isn’t their ability to quickly extend their hand from their face to a target and back—it’s how the details were minded in the process.

As is the case with basketball dribbles, hockey slap-shots, football throws, etc.—details are what separate beginners from masters and amateurs from pros. Anybody can dribble—few dribble professionally. And the same is true in how things are done in any sport.

But, attention to detail isn’t just activity specific.

The way you do anything is how you do everything. Attention to detail is a character trait that some choose to develop.

It’s a careful awareness. It’s a trained devotion to excellence. It’s the rigorous loyalty to the minutiae. It’s a deliberate decision to improve—beyond where most people stop. It’s a drive for inches when most people park after miles. It’s not for the faint of heart. It’s not for the preoccupied. It’s not for the careless.

It’s for the people who choose to be passionate, focused, and committed to paying details the attention they require—in any and every chosen task. It’s why attention is paid and not granted.

And it’s why masterpieces are so valuable—because they’ve been paid for in attention, energy, effort—details—many times over. Details that others find too expensive to pay. Details that, bring the big picture to life. Details that, when removed, would leave masterpieces as just pieces.

How To Have More Lucky Days

Published on February 19, 2021

Step 1: Stop wishing for more lucky days.

Sure, you might get lucky and stumble upon some treasure whilst going about your everyday business. We all get lucky sometimes.

A $5 bill on the ground here. A scratch-off win there. But, “sometimes” isn’t a good model for growth. And luck isn’t a good strategy for success — at least not the arbitrary kind of luck that’s brought about by chance rather than one’s actions.

And besides, do you really want to attribute your success to luck? C’mon.

Step 2: Define what being “lucky” means to you.

Money? Fame? Luxury? Is that really it? Or is there more to it than that?

A good question to spend some time on is, what would you like to do if money were no object? As in, how would you really like to spend your time? Because here’s the thing, I don’t think a problem-free life on the beach is what we’re really after.

Focus on feelings over possessions.

Step 3: Make your own damn luck.

If I can figure out this algorithm, I’ll get lucky and appear on everybody’s searches. Versus, if I can figure out what lights up my soul, I’ll get lucky and find ways to do work that I truly enjoy.
If I can do what’s trendy before everybody else, I’ll get lucky and go viral! Versus, if I can do what’s authentic to me — what nobody else can uniquely do — I can get lucky and fulfill my purpose.
If I would just get picked, they would all see how lucky they are! Versus, if I just picked myself, I would be the luckiest person every time.

There Is A Lesson In Every Interaction

Published on February 18, 2021

“Whenever anything negative happens to you, there is a deep lesson concealed within it, although you may not see it at the time. Even a brief illness or an accident can show you what is real and unreal in your life, what ultimately matters and what doesn’t.”
Eckhart Tolle, via MoveMe Quotes

Here’s the thing, there are lessons concealed within every interaction with life—not just the negative ones.

An interaction implies an exchange and with every exchange comes new information that can be processed and applied—or ignored.

It’s not a question of whether or not the lessons are there—it’s a question of whether or not you are aware.

Of course, not all lessons impact equally.

Negative interactions with life might beget more memorable lessons because they usually draw from deeper felt emotions. Pain, sadness, regret, remorse, guilt, etc. are all felt in the roots of our being.

Positive interactions may not evoke the same deep feelings simply because these emotions: content, happy, bubbly—are usually felt on the periphery—the branches—of our being.

This is why some of the most poignant lessons in a person’s life usually stem from some of their most painful experiences and are the hardest earned.

But, don’t let this scare you away.

This is not a process to be avoided. For, this is the very foundation from which wisdom grows. And the person who avoids these interactions, in any of their forms, avoids a chance at wisdom for themself.

This is the danger with sitting on the sideline; with choosing not to try because of fear; with avoiding opportunities in favor of comfort—you opt out of a chance for wisdom.

A chance for better judgement. A chance for deeper understanding. A chance for a better, future life.