Category: Thinking Clearly

Aligned Problems

Published on July 18, 2023

This is your reoccurring reminder that there is no escaping problems in life.

Problems only get to be exchanged and/or upgraded.

So, the next time you find yourself complaining about a problem, ask yourself:

“What kinds of problems would I rather be solving?”
“What kinds of problems make me feel equal parts challenged and excited at the prospect of solving them?”
“How can I reverse engineer my way towards those problems and start exchanging some of my current ones for those ones?”

Those who live more fulfilled and enjoyable lives don’t live that way because of fewer problems per se—they live that way because of more aligned problems.

P.s. You might also like this 2-minute piece I published: The Problem With The Problem-Free Life

Overstimulating Pixels vs Uncomfortable Quietness

Published on July 15, 2023

Overstimulating pixels vs uncomfortable quietness is THE modern day dilemma.

So many of the negative symptoms people experience in our modern world have to do with this boiled down and plainly stated challenge.

And as is true with any negatively experienced symptoms or illnesses in life, we can’t work to fight what we can’t name or don’t understand. It’s only after we understand what it is we’re up against, that we can start to work strategically to fight back.

With the awareness of the challenge laid out in front of us, hopefully more people can move into that uncomfortable quietness and get, what I consider to be, a taste of the antidote to the overstimulating pixels.

…And see how, with regular doses, their lives may start feeling less agitated, insufficient, anxiety-inducing, depressing, lonely, nerve-wracking, etc.

So many of our modern day problems can be solved with this, almost too easy, ancient and yet timeless solution—quietness.

And as much as you might want to consume more and more pixilated videos and articles explaining to you how to reduce anxiety, stop overthinking, improve self-image, etc… consider the idea that it’s the pixels themselves that are at the root of the cause of the negative symptoms.

My prescription to you is this: practice making uncomfortable quietness, comfortable again—and watch as your life slowly starts to improve and feel better.

P.s. Thank you to Samantha who inspired this post. Your email reply was refreshing to read.

Preemptive Pockets

Published on July 12, 2023

Being surprised when something comes up is not a good strategy.

Better might be to expect surprises and set aside a designated time each day or week or whenever—when the things that inevitably come up can be addressed.

This works for work: Maybe you designate one hour each week for pop-up tasks and surprise assignments.
This works for relationships: Maybe you designate 30 minutes after dinner each night to touch base and address daily challenges, buds that need to be nipped, and important topics that could easily get swept under the busyness rug otherwise.
This works for chores: Maybe you designate one weekend each month to a different house maintenance category. (e.g. Week 1: Deep cleaning; Week 2: Fixes & Repairs; Week 3: Landscaping; Week 4: Other).

The difficulty with not having these preemptive pockets is that each surprise task that comes up becomes a stressor. Not just because of the additional problem(s) they present, but because of the strain on the schedule they represent, too. Now, you have to find more time when you already didn’t have enough time to do this thing when you already have too many other things to do…

But, if you have preemptive pockets of time set aside for the inevitable daily surprises, then the problems get mitigated almost as fast as they’re created or recognized. And suddenly, surprises won’t shake your day how they used to.

Eventually, your biggest surprises every week won’t be the annoying ones (because those are planned for and expected)—but will be the times if/when you enter your preemptive space and nothing needs to be addressed at all.

…And what a pleasant surprise that’ll be instead.

Where do I undervalue myself the most?

Published on July 9, 2023

I tend to undervalue myself the most when I’m in a comparison mindset with “the best.”

This happened most frequently when I was most active on social media—Instagram in particular. I would see elite athletes with impeccable physiques—and I’d undervalue my own. I would see the most attractive, most highly desired people—and I’d laugh at the prospect of my own (attraction). I would listen to the most incredible insights and see people speak with the most incredible conviction—and I’d form limiting beliefs around my ability to deliver the same.

Once I became aware of this connection, I slowly started to wane off all social media—Instagram mostly. And what I noticed is a proportional increase in my own feelings of self-worth and value. When you mitigate the comparison opportunities, you slowly start to increase your self-worth building opportunities. Because ultimately, the value I or you or any of us has to give, has nothing to do with the value someone else is able to bring.

Our value is a unique, independent gift—and when we do things, or expose ourselves to things, that make us not want to share our gifts, it’s the people in our own circles, who only we can uniquely impact who suffer and miss out as a result.

I learned my lesson. And I’m still working on minimizing and even mitigating social media use. What drives me is a desire to add more and more value to my own life so I can, more and more, add value to the lives of others.

P.s. Your turn. Use the above question as an inner work prompt and see what comes up.

Frustrated

Published on July 7, 2023

What frustrates me isn’t social media.

What frustrates me isn’t passive entertainment.

What frustrates me isn’t big media/ advertising/ marketing.

What frustrates me is lack of intention.

What frustrates me is lack of self-awareness.

What frustrates me is the massive time suck / loss of potential the above mentioned things facilitate.

…There is a time and a place for social media, passive entertainment, and other media… but every waking second that we’re not otherwise doing some active task isn’t it.

What frustrates me is the inability to stand in line without our phones, the inability to sit at home alone without a screen on, the inability to go the duration of one singular day without checking every social media site.

Because in all of those waking seconds when we’re not actively tied up doing other obligatory things… we could be reading from the greatest books ever written, writing from the depths of our soul, uniquely expressing ourselves in our chosen field of art, having real life interactions with real life people who are desperate for real life connection, and otherwise—doing nothing at all. Just sitting, thinking, reflecting, digesting, and coming to terms with what it all means—to us. Not to our parents, teachers, friends, lovers, or favorite influencers—to us.

So that we can interact with it all (everything listed above included) with intention, self-awareness, and mindfulness. Because without it, I fear that our interactions with social media, passive entertainment, and big media will only continue to scale unintentionally—and what we see when we look back will be huge chunks of life and potential gone… just gone… with no correlating memories and no chance of returns or exchanges.

The Answer Is The Question

Published on July 4, 2023

One of the best things a teacher can do for a student isn’t give them answers—it’s to spark a curiosity around a good question.

Answers represent outside-in information. Questions elicit inside-out information. The two are not the same.

Copy and paste an answer into your life and it won’t be long before you hit another wall that’ll require new outside information.

Start a fire inside that’s curious enough about answering a good question and watch as walls are continuously burned down time and again.

The caveat here is centered around the idea of the question being “good.” Just any question won’t do. In fact, some questions suck and may even have the opposite of the desired effect.

For example, if somebody asked me how they can lose 30 pounds in 30 days—I’d tell them their question sucks. There are things I could tell them that might help with that, but that doesn’t make me a good teacher.

What would make me a good (better) teacher is reframing the question (in this instance).

Depending on who I’m speaking with, I might reframe the question to, “Why do you feel like you need to lose 30 pounds in 30 days?” And let that lead them down a path of introspective work around identity and self-worth. Or “What’s something you feel like you can do for 30 years, that’ll make you feel healthier/ happier?” And let them chew on the idea of making lifestyle changes that are free of finish lines. And so forth.

With that, I leave you with two questions: (1) What’s the primary question you’re trying to answer in your life now? (2) Is there a better question?

The Crutch In “Knowing”

Published on July 3, 2023

To know and not to do, is the same as not to know.

Sometimes, we take classes on topics we’ve studied before, from people who have taught us before, not so we can learn brand new for the first time—but so we can remember to do at all.

There’s plenty that I “know”—that I’ve heard before.

But there’s very little (comparatively) that I’m actually doing—and even less that I’m actually doing well.

When we assume we know, we don’t give ourselves the chance to be reminded—and when we fail to act (because we forget), we might as well not have known in the first place.

In this way, it’s important to see how “knowing” quickly becomes the crutch that, very counterintuitively, can be precisely what’s holding us back.