Category: Thinking Clearly

You Should Thank Your Perfectionism

Published on September 20, 2025

A martial arts student of mine tested for her new belt the other night.

She made some mistakes and blamed her perfectionism for it. She said she was “too much in her head” and the obsessing over the details messed up her flow and ability to perform.

What I told her is that perfectionism is as much a strength as it is a weakness—like most things in life. And it isn’t something that should be blamed, but something she should seek to better understand.

See perfectionism is really just a close attention to detail and a desire to get things right. This is an excellent virtue to have. Heck, without details, martial arts would stop being an art and would become arbitrary movement. And without a desire to get things right, what the heck are we even doing?

Where perfectionism goes wrong is when we expect ourselves to be perfect… and react to mistakes in destructive, unhealthy, or unproductive ways. What we have to understand is that to be human is to be imperfect—it is wired into our very nature.

And rather than blaming perfectionism for our mistakes… we should thank our perfectionism for making us care about the details… and use it as fuel to get back to our training in an even more deliberate, healthy, and productive way.

This is what she was missing.

See it wasn’t the perfectionism… it was the expectations and lack of practice. Get those two things right and suddenly perfectionism becomes the best thing to ever happened to you.

…I know it feels that way to me.

On Solving Problems You’re Used To Other People Solving For You

Published on September 16, 2025

The very first time my Burning Man RV-mate went to ride his bike, after just having purchased it the day before, the tire went flat.

He didn’t even get one pedal in when he sat on the bike and watched the rim sink into the ground.

Seeing this, my first reaction was to recommend he take it to one of the bike camps and have them fix it—stemming from the same learned helplessness I mentioned yesterday.

But, he had a much different, “This is no big deal” and “It’ll only take five minutes” type of attitude that had him already gathering supplies before I could even finish my thought about which camp to take it to.

…And it was maybe a total of fifteen minutes later when he was riding off on his completely repaired bike, well before any of the bike camps would’ve been able to do anything about it.

Watching him do this and working with my other campmate on fixing her bike gave me a confidence in not only working with bikes, but as I mentioned yesterday, in trusting myself and my own problem-solving skills.

…Skills I realized grow not only with formal teaching, but with experimentation and time invested—something I knew cranially but knew better viscerally after getting down and dirty and actually having done it myself.

Because at the end of the week, on the biggest night of Burning Man—the night of the man burn—as I hopped on my bike to join the camp squad going, guess who got a flat tire?

That’s right.

…And guess who fixed it in about 20 minutes and still made it in time?

That’s right.

Fighting Back Against Learned Helplessness

Published on September 14, 2025

Walking towards the camp’s lounge one morning at Burning Man, I found one of my campmates curiously squatted close to her upside down bike.

Asking her if everything was alright, she distractedly replied that her outfit got stuck in the chain, was entangled into the derailleur, and bent some of the wheel spokes into the bike mechanics the previous night.

My immediate impression was that it was a complete mess and that it should be taken to a person who knew what they were doing and have them fix it.

…But that wasn’t even a thought in this campmate’s mind.

She had the derailleur completely taken apart, was balancing about ten pieces, three tools, and an entire bicycle in two hopeful hands… and was… remarkably focused… patient… and determined.

After a minute or two of watching the scene… my hands turned hopeful too and I squatted next to her.

We put it back together… wrong… and took it back apart.

Put it back together again… wrong… and took it all apart again.

Tried it a few more times… wrong… and repeated a few more times after that.

Until finally, after about an hour of trial, error, and head scratching: We finally got it.

And let me tell you… it was an incredibly rewarding victory. Not just because we fixed the damn bike… but, because we fought back against a learned helplessness that runs rampant in modern society. A feeling I was guilty of at the outset of this process.

And what this campmate reminded me is that we’re far more clever and resourceful than we think—we just have to give ourselves more credit… more time… and particularly: more trust.

Keep Your Eye On The Ball(s)

Published on September 9, 2025

A lot happens throughout the day.

And a lot of what happens isn’t given enough time to be fully processed, addressed, or resolved.

Taking 5-15 minutes at the end of your day to just sit and actively replay all of the happenings that unfolded can be an excellent strategy.

Maybe not to fully process, address, or resolve every single thing that comes / came up…

…But to at least plan it into your schedule or calendar to be addressed at the appropriate later time.

Because when tomorrow comes and a lot more happens throughout the day… guess what’s going to get pushed further into the background of your mind?

…You guessed it: everything you haven’t given enough time to either process, address, resolve—or schedule and later prioritize.

If you want to prevent that feeling of having “dropped the ball”—this active replaying is an excellent way to keep your eye on all of the balls that came your way throughout your day.

Stop Making Little Things Big

Published on August 22, 2025

Know what’s a little thing?

…That argument you’re having with your family member.

Know what’s a big thing?

…That both you and your family member are alive and healthy enough to argue.

Know what’s a little thing?

…The “L” you took at work, in sport, or anywhere otherwise.

Know what’s a big thing?

…That you’re conscious, coherent, and have the ability to improve.

Know what’s a small thing?

…Haters saying hateful things online or in person.

Know what’s a big thing?

…Gratitude expressed, grace given, and love felt.

It’s easy to let the small things take over your perspective. Which is, in fact, what makes them feel so big. But we have to remember what’s REALLY the big thing(s) and worth taking over our perspective.

Otherwise, small things will consume our lives until it’s too late to do anything about the big things…

I Lost My Voice

Published on August 11, 2025

I went to a music festival this past weekend and lost my voice yelling and screaming.

…Makes things kind of tough when you come back to work as a teacher.

But, what was interesting is that it made me perceive all of my daily communication challenges differently—a forced perspective change if you will.

And so rather than greet everybody with an over the top volume… today, I greeted everybody with claps and a whisper.

Rather than communicate with my instructors and staff in one broad stroke of my voice… I met each of them where they were and communicated individually.

…Which, interestingly enough, made me do the same with the students. Rather than ask the class questions, I asked each student individually. Rather than delegate after class helping, I spent a little extra time whispering answers to the ones who asked. And rather than control the whole dialogue of the class, I delegated and had students and other staff members get involved.

Having no voice as a teacher can undoubtedly be a challenge… but it doesn’t have to be a problem.

Inner Work Prompt: What are you looking at as a problem that might be better percieved as a challenge?

Mudded By Default

Published on August 6, 2025

Time spent thinking… about what to write… about how to say something… about how you feel… about what’s right and what’s wrong… about what’s even just going on in your mind…

…Even if it amounts to nothing tangible or ends with no evidential outcomes or progress—

—Is never time wasted.

The mind is unavoidably mudded by default in our modern world.

…And each stone not thrown into the pond—for whatever duration of time it can be sustained—is an inaction that leads precisely to what a mudded-by-default kind of world needs more than anything else:

…Clarity.

Never underestimate the power (or benefit) of sitting and doing boring thinking.