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Category: Overcoming Fear

When Fear Gets Caught In Your Throat

Published on July 28, 2021

When choking, a drastic and sudden thrust is required—either by cough or Heimlich maneuver.

When choking on fear, maybe what’s required is the same—a drastic and sudden thrust.

Either by temporary uncharacteristic courage or by clever maneuvers against the mind.

Some people’s most memorable moments were closely preceded by the phrase: “F*ck it.”

Why? Because it allowed them out-maneuver the belittling thoughts of their mind and thrust forward, uncharacteristically, into the fear of the presented unknown.

This isn’t always good advice. But, when it is, it’s precisely the kind of Heimlich maneuver required to free a person from the suffocation of a comfort-zone filled life.

We Fear What We Don’t Understand

Published on July 3, 2021

My dog will BARK and YELL and RAGE and fearlessly advance towards even the most vicious looking dogs.

But, pops, cracks, and whizzes from the fridge?

Terrified. Whimpers. Needs to be held.

These noises, of course, don’t scare us because we understand them.

But, failure, aloneness, suffering?

Leaves most of us terrified, whimpering, and feeling like we need to be held.

Maybe it’s the case that these things aren’t inherently scary, but we’re just scared of them because we don’t fully understand them.

Maybe if we spent more time learning how to fail forward, enjoy aloneness, and channel our suffering—we wouldn’t be so scared?

Things become less scary once we understand them.

This post became the introduction for: 13 Rousing Delia Owens Quotes from Where The Crawdads Sing on Abandonment, Love, and Self-Reliance

Not All Battles Are Fought With Fists

Published on June 26, 2021

“Last week, a kid rode beside me while I ran, yelling ”Chinatown!” Today, a 2nd one rode by and spat on me. I’m shocked because they were with their parents, who didn’t say anything. I’m even more ashamed because I didn’t either. One day, I hope to be courageous enough to.”

Aletheia Délivré, Twitter

Courage isn’t cursing the kids who act disgustingly.

Courage isn’t forcing lessons down kids’ throats whose parents could care less.

Courage isn’t on-demand TED Talks on why you shouldn’t spit on others or use derogatory language.

Courage is far more versatile than that.

Courage is breaking the cycle of hate and deploying actions of love.

Courage is careful reflection and the igniting of hard-to-have conversations.

Courage is transforming the pain of life into something that can be gifted to others.

Let’s not pigeonhole courage into a one-size-fits-all box.

Each of us should fight our battles utilizing the unique strengths that have been gifted to us.

Writing is how I fight mine. And I suspect Aletheia’s tweet sent out more waves of support and acceptance than anything she could’ve said or done in the heat of those above mentioned, disgusting moments.

Nothing can be said to the ears of those who don’t want to hear.

But, to the ears that do?

When the right message makes its way to the ocean of ears who do care, are willing to support a just cause, and have the conviction to unite and fight?

The result may very well match the might of the ocean herself.

And to you, Aletheia, who did absolutely nothing wrong, hold your head up high and keep fighting the good fight. You have nothing to be ashamed of and everything to look forward to. You’ll become better from this. And so, too, will the world.

Fear Is The Path To The Dark Side

Published on May 4, 2021

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering. I sense much fear in you.”

Yoda, via MoveMe Quotes

Fear initiates our fight-or-flight response. It causes us to tense up our bodies and narrow our vision. It puts us on the defensive. It forces us to raise our outer walls and close off our vulnerabilities. It leaves us emotionally on edge and ready to defend against the threats of the world. It’s the state that readies us for battle.

We don’t go to battle with a sense of love or happiness—we battle with a sense of anger, rage, and/or upset. These emotions are the fuel that amplify our ability to fight or take flight—they are the fuel that amplify war.

And given enough of that fuel, it doesn’t who or what is opposing us, hate blinds the eyes to compassion and understanding and fills the mind only with images of threats and enemies to be neutralized. When we are operating from a place of fear, anger, and hate—enemies, threats, and war is all we see.

And if all we see is enemies, threats, and war—suffering is inevitable.

For what is the antidote to suffering?

  • Having allies? When you know there are people who have your back and that you can trust even when times get tough. Having enemies is the antithesis of that.
  • The feeling of connection? Feeling seen and heard and like you can express your authentic self. Feeling threatened is one of the fastest ways to close off your authentic self to the world.
  • An environment of peace? Having that sense of security, safety, and compassion surround you so that you can relax into the moment. Seeing only war will keep you as tense as a rock in the name of self-preservation.

When you look deeply into yourself, do you see someone who is operating in the world from a place of fear or from a place of confidence? Do you look out into the world and see groupings of potential friends or enemies? Do you feel like you are constantly at war or do you feel like you are walking each step of your life in peace?

Fear is the root cause of suffering; it’s the path to the dark side. Nurture the confidence in yourself and come to the light.