This morning I caught myself practicing frustration.
I was literally envisioning my enraged facial expressions, body language, and word choice if the shirts I ordered came in late, didn’t fit, or were poorly made…
…What a waste of time.
I decided today was the day I’d break my bike in for the summer.
I maneuvered it out from the back of my garage, dusted it off, filled the tires with air, cleaned off the ol’ helmet, packed my lock, and off I went.
…I didn’t make it but 10 houses down the street when my rear tire went flat.
Now, what this moment represents is one of those ever-so-present fork-in-the-road moments where you’re given a choice.
A) Swear, kick, fuss, scream, and temper tantrum until a dark cloud forms over your head.
B) Use it as an opportunity to finally learn how to change the inner tube on your road bike.
We’re given choices like these, dare I say, by the hundreds every week.
What many of us don’t realize is that by changing our choice to something like “B” more often, not only might we eliminate the dark cloud from forming, but we build a skill or new level of resilience that mitigates the same type of situation from happening again in the future.
I, for example, plan on keeping a back-up tube with me as I ride from now on. And the prospect of having to set aside hours of time and chunks of money to get my flat tire fixed by a professional, is a path that is quickly fading from any future forks in my road.
I’ll soon be able to do it myself.
…Which means less forks and more knife paths for me.
I like knife paths.
Want to learn how to become shielded from the unsolicited, hateful, derogatory critiques of others? Stamp this onto your brain:
Don’t accept criticism from people you wouldn’t go to for advice.
And if the answer is ever, “Yes”—you would go to this person for advice—then it’s important to reflect on the following:
(1) Is this the best person for you to be going to for advice? People who give advice in hateful, derogatory, negative ways may cause more harm to our path forward than benefit.
(2) If the answer is still yes, then, assuming there is anything constructive in their feedback, we must train our minds to surgically remove the gems from the emotional weight that burdens and collapses in on what’s said.
Because here’s the bottom line: feedback won’t always come in a pretty package.
And if we can learn how to accept what’s useful, how to disregard what (and who) is not, and how to keep ourselves in mentally healthy places so we can conduct criticism surgery with precision and poise at even a moment’s notice—our growth will become inevitable.
Sometimes, experiencing the emotions that come from messing up lights a fire that accelerates improvement faster than contentment ever could.
Sometimes, standing between you and your next level of growth is a locked door.
And quickly trying to kick it down doesn’t work (like it might for some other doors).
No. This door, needs the right key.
But, which one is it?
We’re told all of the time that:
How to know which one is the real key?
Well, there’s only one way to find out.
Try each.
Here’s the thing: all of these keys are easily accessible and free for you to use. Heck, you can even add each of them to your key ring and use them daily if you’re up to it.
The real key is to stop trying to rashly kick down doors and to use what’s right in your hands.
The person who tries to dodge every raindrop gets hit just as many times as the person who walks calmly forward.
And so it is for the person who tries to dodge every mistake, error, issue, problem, challenge, obstacle, fault, slip-up, oversight, flaw, imperfection, adversity, responsibility…
The way I see it, the rain is inevitably going to come down over each of us. We can try to dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge every drop to avoid getting wet—which will only end in vain.
Or we can feel the rain and walk calmly forward.