Failing Forward Archives · Page 2 of 4

6 Out Of 10

Published on October 12, 2024

I taught a Women’s Self-Defense class this past Wednesday.

It’s a free event designed to equip, empower, and prepare the women of our community to protect themselves against bigger, stronger, and faster assailants.

I’ll teach fundamental self-defense strategies, effective strikes from a variety of positions, and how to properly respond against chokes, grabs, bear hugs, etc—all while being surrounded by a respectful, uplifting community of supportive women.

I’ve been leading this session for years and have settled (remember this word) into a curriculum that I feel really good about.

At the end of this past week’s session, I handed out anonymous feedback forms where participants can rate the class on a scale of 1-10 and provide written feedback on what they liked, didn’t like, and what they would’ve liked to do more/less of.

Most of the reviews I’ve gotten since starting these forms have been 10s with the occasional 9. One person, however, after this past session rated it a 6 out of 10.

And here’s what I noticed in myself after seeing that:

A defensive/emotional mental rise: how could they have given that session a 6 out of 10?!
A deliberate attempt to forget about that rating—as if it wasn’t submitted.
A bubbling back up of the rating in my mind every so often, unconsciously.
An acceptance with the rating once I calmed down and put it into perspective.
Active brainstorming on what I’m going to do differently/better for the next one.

…And it’s that last line that’s so key.

Beneath the emotional responses are buried opportunities. Opportunities that, if discovered with enough patience and deliberate inner work, can (finally) take you from “settled” to still evolving.

Tomorrow’s Success

Published on September 20, 2024

I had a rough day playing basketball today.

I missed almost every shot I took.

But, you know what? I successfully executed a drive-to-the-basket-move for the first time in a live game that I’ve been practicing. And of that, I left feeling proud.

It’s important to remember that success is actually more of a lagging indicator that reflects the work you put in prior. And if you’re not finding success inside of a day, to focus less on forcing it and focus more on setting yourself up for tomorrow.

Because successfully learning and executing new moves in today’s game is precisely the kind of thing that’ll stay with us and lead to the types of successes that both you and I want in our games now—today.

…But we have to be willing to put in the work and suck before the today successes can come.

Getting Back Up

Published on June 30, 2024

My grandmother, 88 years old, fell down yesterday while pulling a big weed from her backyard.

It was one of those: yank, won’t budge… yank, won’t budge… yank, won’t budge… yank, pops out all at once… kind of weeds.

Being that she still lives on her own, falling down abruptly like that can lead to serious consequences… especially when falling straight onto her back and not having anything around to grab onto to help her get back up.

But, fortunately, there weren’t any serious consequences and she was able to get back up on her own.

And hearing her celebrate that victory today, of being able to get back up without anything around to grab onto, was a sobering reminder to not take that simple act for granted.

In fact, it is always a triumphant moment when we rise back up after having fallen onto our backs—be it in the morning as we rise from bed, during the day as we rise from having crashed on the couch, or in the situation where we fell or were knocked down or were depressed—finding the strength inside to get back up again is what living triumphant lives are made up of.

…May you continue to find that strength for many years to come.

P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week, here.

Mistakes Aren’t Mistakes

Published on June 20, 2024

In martial arts, mistakes aren’t deviations from the training—they’re a fundamental component of it.

In other words, learning how to recover from mistakes is just as important as learning how to properly punch and kick in the first place.

The reason is because in self-defense—one of the fundamental focuses of any martial art—there are no do-overs. You don’t get to ask your attacker to stop and re-attack you because you made a mistake doing your self-defense or you weren’t ready.

The self-defense must go on. Your thinking must carry on. Your movement must flow on.

And if that’s the end goal, then that has to be the way in which we practice—because the way we practice IS the way we’re going to perform.

And so it is in life.

Mistakes aren’t deviations from the path—they’re a necessary part of the path.

They’re opportunities for us to learn how to think quickly on our feet… to look for openings in unexpected circumstances…to practice being calm and collected even when we’re flustered or confused.

We learn to roll with the punches, both in martial arts and in life, because fighting is never perfect. It’s messy, ugly, and surprising… and preparing for THAT—practicing when it IS that—is preparing for life.

Preparing for perfect is planning for fantasy. And planning for fantasy is the REAL mistake.

Practice Does Not Make Perfect

Published on June 1, 2024

One of my students asked me the other day, “I practice so hard… why do I still make mistakes?”

And I said, “Easy. Because you’re human.”

The outcome of practicing hard isn’t perfect.

…Expecting this of ourselves is to overlook our nature as imperfect creatures.

The outcome of practicing hard is better… and better is the most we should ever ask of ourselves as we continue our quests not towards perfect… but towards understanding… towards confidence… towards art… towards mastery… towards self-actualization… towards legacy… towards expressing what it means to uniquely human—uniquely us.

“We Don’t Quit.”

Published on May 4, 2024

“That’s alright, we don’t quit.”

I said playfully as she looked at me for a signal on how she should feel about missing her shot.

“We take that ball and we put it right back up again.”

And so she refocused on the basketball rim, scrunched her little body down like a spring, and shot the ball back up with all her might.

Missing again, she looked at me again for a signal on how she should feel.

Without even the slightest hesitation I repeated exactly the same line.

And without any further hesitation, she refocused, scrunched back down, and shot it back up.

And this continued again and again and again until around shot number 16 when she finally made it.

And what I loved the most about this experience today wasn’t just the playful acceptance of failure as being a part of the process towards success… nor was it the fact that she made one of her first ever basketball shots on a regulation rim at seven years old (and one of those outdoor double rims at that)… but it was what her little four year old brother did after watching the whole thing unfold.

He ran up and asked if he could try—and of course we let him.

And after missing his first shot… rather than cry or get mad or give up… completely unprompted he said: “That’s alright, we don’t quit.”

…And playfully asked if he could take another shot.

Keep Shooting

Published on April 21, 2024

When I take a shot and miss in basketball, I feel bad.

I feel bad not only about letting my team down, but start to feel bad about my shot.

One of the things I’ve been impressed with, playing with the guys that I do, is that oftentimes, when I or someone else misses a shot, they’ll shout out, “Keep shooting!”

…And it’s exactly what I need to hear every time I hear it.

Because they know—probably all too well themselves—that self-consciousness, self-doubt, and hesitation are the real sabotaging agent of a person’s performance. And if the team is going to win, they need each player to perform their best. Which, of course, happens when each is the opposite of what I just listed above.

…And the best way to get there, is to show your teammates support, shower them with faith, and let them know it’s okay to take a shot and miss—that it happens to all of us—so that they can stay focused and keep playing against the opposing team rather than against themself.

As it is with the teams you play life with.

Keep shooting.