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Category: Defining Success

The Real Prize

Tonight, the Martial Arts Association I’m a part of hosted a try-out tournament for first-timers and beginners.

As I was watching one of my younger students perform his pattern of moves, 7 years old maybe, I saw him turn towards the audience, notice his dad, and freeze.

Ready for moments like this, I took a breath, and just as I was about to call out what the name of the next move was to help him out, I saw him point to his eye

Then to his chest

…Then to his dad.

And then pick up right where he left off and finish the last few moves with full power, take a bow to the judges, and walk off stage nonchalantly.

…As if that wasn’t the most correct incorrect series of moves ever done in a form before.

It’s so easy to forget, but we don’t do tournaments—or competitions of any kind for that matter—so that we can show others a pattern of moves… we do it for the life experience.

And tonight, both that young boy and dad had an experience in that moment that was worth more than any trophy or medal. Just as every other student who walked out of that tournament with a boost in confidence, a strengthened resolve, an improved self-image, a renewed sense of motivation, or a new focus for their training… walked away with far more than a trophy and a medal, too.

The real prize is never the prize itself.

The real prize is who we become in pursuit of the prizes themselves.

More Important Than Winning

What’s more important than winning?

  • Honor (cheating to win isn’t a win).
  • Learning (winning and not learning isn’t a win).
  • Respect (rubbing a win in somebody’s face isn’t a win).
  • Grace (If a win doesn’t make you more grateful, more humble, more giving, more kind, more elegant etc.—it isn’t a win).
  • Connection (none of us wins alone—every win is a team effort in some way. Winning without a deepened connection to those who helped us win, isn’t a win).

I have seen many competitors get 1st place who definitely did not win.

And I have seen many competitors get last place who, in every respect, most certainly won.

Be careful how you define winning and success in life—it’ll end up defining your identity and journey in life.

The Un-Lose-Able Day

It’s good to keep a snapshot of the “un-lose-able” day at the forefront of your mind—as something to aim for; plan for; strive for.

Mine looks something like this:

  • Full night of sleep
  • Solid session of exercise
  • Creative challenges for my mind
  • Space to let settle the content of my mind
  • Life-giving foods
  • 16-20 Hour windows of no food
  • Less unintentional screen time
  • More deliberate, undistracted deep work time
  • Words read from books with fresh ideas
  • Words written from brain to explore ideas
  • Time spent in spaces that are free of toxicity
  • Time spent interacting with people who exude authenticity
  • A few moments spent in gratitude and awe
  • A few moments spent in comfort and pleasure

It’s not often I nail this list.

But, when I do…

How could the day possibly be lost?


Inner Work Prompt: What does your “Un-Lose-able” Day look like? What can you do today that’ll get you one step closer to that?

Full Send

One of the best feelings in the world is the one that immediately follows a 100%, fully committed effort.

I can’t think of a single time when I’ve regretted doing my absolute best.

But, I can think of countless times when I’ve regretted holding back.

Nobody Clapping

Nobody clapping for you is an excellent time to quietly get back to doing purposeful work.

Standing ovations are obviously the goal. But, never forget that with them comes a wave of distraction/ obligation/ requests that can easily prevent you from being able to do the purposeful work that got you on that stage in the first place.

And doing more purposeful work is always the ultimate win—even more so than the standing ovation(s).


P.s. I also published: 52 of the Most Impactful Lessons I Learned in 2022. I hope you’re making time to do some quality reflecting too—before we cross the threshold into 2023.

Measures Of Success:

The first five were from Stephen Parato:

  1. Number of “Aha” moments
  2. Number of heartfelt “I love yous”
  3. Number of heartfelt “Thank yous”
  4. Number of full immersions in flow state
  5. Number of times being completely awe-struck by the beauty of existence

Which inspired these five from me:

  1. Number of moments spent belly laughing
  2. Number of moments spent looking at a fire
  3. Number of moments spent deep in conversation
  4. Number of times you published/ shared/ shipped your art
  5. Number of moments spent completely present with loved ones

I’d love to keep the list going… either journal or reply… what are some “real” measures of success to you?

Upward

Sometimes I set such a high bar for myself that I can’t even see the damn thing when I look up towards the sky.

At the same time… I like the idea of building my way up from the grips of the earth towards a bar that dances with the clouds.