Category: Defining Success

A very talented young teenager spoke to me about her struggles with continued martial arts training last night.

She felt like she wasn’t seeing tangible results from taking classes and didn’t feel very motivated to continue because of it.

She’s fit. She’s very flexible. And she’s well coordinated.

…Class-to-class, she wasn’t seeing any noticeable differences in these area—and with no tangible changes, why work so damn hard?

What I spent a solid 20 minutes talking to her about were intangible changes that come with work ethic and dedicated commitment. The obscure—only noticeable to the trained inner eye—changes that happen within.

We talked about further developing the ability to perform under pressure (and how that relates to the high pressure careers she’s aiming for)… her confidence in being able to defend against bigger, stronger, faster assailants… about having a creative outlet for self-expression (something she admitted she didn’t have outside of martial arts)… about having a safe space for mental health breaks/resets… And finally, we talked about legacy and if she was 70 years old looking back on this stage of her life, if she would regret not pushing herself further to see what she was truly capable of… she said she would.

When we don’t try very hard it’s easy to get lost in appearances.

…To judge progress solely on tangibles. To judge a book by its cover. To determine worth based on social media metrics.

But, if we try a little harder… if we look a little closer… we’ll see there’s a whole (inner) world of data to be processed and developed.

…Which might turn out to be the most tangible indicators of progress of all.

Many people like to express their wealth in space—by buying large houses with gigantic rooms on huge plots of land.

But space without time is wasteful.

Real wealth is expressed in time—by having freedom over your calendar to spend large chunks of time doing as you please (in the space you’ve afforded).

Before you buy space… and negatively effect your available time (larger overhead, more maintenance, excessive fees, etc)… maybe you should find ways to buy for time instead.

I spent a few hours today brainstorming expansions for my tattoo sleeve.

Even though he’s the artist and I’m certainly not… I want to do as much of the legwork as possible before I present my ideas to him.

Because one of the realities of our world is that nobody will (should) care more about the (mostly) irreversible decisions in your life than you.

When I reach out to my tattoo artist for sketches, ideas, etc… he’s on the clock. He’s thinking about his own irreversible life decisions and accounting a fraction of his time to a project like mine.

…But me? I have a vision of how I want this thing to turn out and I’m willing to invest however many hours it takes to get it just right.

And that’s exactly the kind of energy you need to be investing into decisions at that calibre.

Don’t outsource irreversible.

Winning is great. The ego loves it.

But, imagine getting to a place where you no longer feel the need to win…

A place where you can still challenge yourself… still push the boundaries of your potential… still create art and express yourself fully… still succeed in building a life you’re proud of… still explore the depths of what it means to be human…

But, in a way where you don’t have to (or feel the need to) beat others in the process.

…Maybe winning is about more than getting first place.