Tag: Twitter Inspired

Roller Coaster Love

A relationships and dating coach posted the following question on Twitter: “Would you rather: a 220 pound woman who’s nice & sweet or a 120 pound woman with an attitude?”

To which I say this is the wrong question.

Love isn’t a number on a scale. And none of us are as simple as “nice & sweet” or “with an attitude.”

Love is an impossibly complex, messy, roller coaster of a ride shared with the person who could very well be all of those above things throughout the duration of your ride.

It’s time spent with the person who makes you feel:

…Sometimes exhilaratingly light—like you’re free falling down from the highest roller coaster peak. Like when their name comes up on caller I.D., their face comes into view after time apart, or the thought of past time together springs to mind.

…Sometimes upside down—like you’re being thrown through a loop. Like when they challenge your thoughts/beliefs, pull you down a spontaneous path you would’ve never traveled on your own, or they get you to agree to something that’s totally out of character.

…Sometimes heavy and low—like at the bottom of those highest drops. Like when they have to endure tragedy/loss/grief and illicit your support to help them, or when they hurt your feelings, or break promises—because them doing it hits harder than anyone else.

…But all with that person. Not because of the number on the scale or some one or two word description that’s supposed to represent the entire depth of who they are—but, because riding the roller coaster is better with them. And they think the same about riding the coaster with you.

Connection Initiative

“I love being by myself, but then, I get lonely and don’t have anybody to listen to me.”

…Was sent to me as a reply on Twitter.

To which I spent some time thinking about… and replied back with this:

“A question that has helped me with this: ‘Where do people like me, who like doing the same kinds of things I like to do, hang out?’ And then I go there and let common ground take care of the rest.”

I have found this to be the best strategy for combating loneliness—deliberate, heart-guided, initiative.

Friends aren’t just going to come knocking at your door while you binge Netflix series or doom scroll. And work friends can sometimes come with layered complications.

But people who are doing the things you also love to do—just for the hell of it? …Opens up a door WIDE for connection.

…You just have to show up and walk through.

Inner work prompt: How might you respond to that reply? Send me a… reply 🙂

Measures Of Success:

The first five were from Stephen Parato:

Number of “Aha” moments
Number of heartfelt “I love yous”
Number of heartfelt “Thank yous”
Number of full immersions in flow state
Number of times being completely awe-struck by the beauty of existence

Which inspired these five from me:

Number of moments spent belly laughing
Number of moments spent looking at a fire
Number of moments spent deep in conversation
Number of times you published/ shared/ shipped your art
Number of moments spent completely present with loved ones

I’d love to keep the list going… either journal or reply… what are some “real” measures of success to you?

Until Perfect

Many people see “good enough” as the enemy.

But, “good enough” is precisely what gets you to publish; to produce; to share.

Without “good enough”—when does anything ever reach completion?

The real enemy is “until perfect.”

Perfect is a forever fleeting finish line that moves further from us the more we learn and grow. Which, hopefully, will be for the rest of our lives.

This, in a nutshell, is the perfectionist’s paradox.

The place where the desire to do it better is constantly met with an increase in competence which forever perpetuates the things we’re working on into the future (because we can do what we’ve done better now that we’re better and so we do it again until we’ve grown and gotten better all over again). Did you catch that?

This is precisely why so many beautiful creations haven’t been published; produced; or shared.

…Don’t let this be you.

Eventually, you must accept that what you’ve done is “good enough.”

And what’s more is this… whoever said typos/ mistakes/ issues with your creations are inherently a bad thing?

What if, as Catherine Toops points out on Twitter, “…your typos are just a trail of inspiration for writers who want to believe they can do what you’ve done?”

Maybe sharing imperfect work is inherently better than “perfect” work?

I know I light up when I catch a professional writer’s typo(s).

Not because it’s a mistake… but, because it’s a sign that they’re human.

And maybe I can actually do what they’ve done, too.

When Authenticity Is Hard And When It’s Easy

Authenticity is about congruence between our deeper values and beliefs (i.e., a “true self”) and our actions.
via Chris Do, Twitter

Being authentic is hard when:

We let other people dictate our actions.
We let media consume all of our downtime.
We let our ego control the thought processes of our minds.

Because we live in a world that is constantly pushing its influence on us from every angle, it can be hard to figure out what it is that we actually think.

And without that clarity of thought, of course our actions are going to be misaligned.

Being authentic is easier when:

We reflect deeply on and identify our values and beliefs.
We make space to process, organize, and remix the information we consume.
We control our ego and use it mindfully to serve us (rather than the other way around).

Until we choose to put up boundaries to block outside influences, we will continue to get pushed around and act in ways that are misaligned, unnatural, and confusing even to ourselves.

Boundaries to the outside world are precisely what’s needed to process, organize, and remix. It’s precisely how we settle our mudded minds. It’s precisely how we quiet the ego so we can hear the whisper of our Self.

In short: being authentic is hard when you let the world tell you who you are. Being authentic is easier when you listen to your Self, decide who you want to be, and tell the world who you are.

And while the latter can challenging in its own respect, it will always be exponentially easier than living an inauthentic life.

Problem-Solvers Vs. Solutionists

“Don’t be a “problem solver.” Be a “solutionist.” There is a difference. A problem solver spends a lot of time focusing on the problems. A solutionist acknowledges the problem while focusing on assessing the best solutions given the desired outcome.”
Samantha Postman, Twitter

And it’s even more than that for me.

Being a problem solver has a selfish connotation to it.

It confines the person—the solver of the problems—into a mindset where they need to be the one who does the solving.

So, rather than expanding their problem-solving capabilities and ideas to a broader network to include other (maybe more qualified) people and resources, they limit their focus to their own capabilities and resources which becomes a type of hindrance to the solution in itself.

This is where identifying as a solutionist can help.

Solutionists are focused on how they can help facilitate a solution. It’s a more selfless approach that taps into the bountiful resources that are available to each of us at any given moment in time.

It isn’t always easy to do this. Especially for those who see themselves as being great problem-solvers, do-it-themselvers, will-do-anything-to-help-you-ers.

But, how great are you really if you’re hindering the solution process? Or if you’re not helping in every possible way you can? Are you really willing to do anything for others—even if that means pointing them away from you?

Ultimately we can’t make solving problems about us. We have to make it about the act of facilitating more solutions for this world.

Because there will always be plenty of problems to solve.

No need to hog (or hinder) any one of them because of our egos.

Burnout Is Sneaky

“Burnout is sneaky because you don’t realize you’re borrowing from tomorrow to push through today.”
Emily Leahy, Twitter

And when you borrow too much from tomorrow (or from too many tomorrows), you’ll eventually have nothing left to give in the current day.

And when that happens—when you’ve reached your “credit limit”—your body cuts you off from future energy supplies and shuts down.

Hence why burnout often feels like life in a vegetative state.

And hence why burnout often looks like an absurd number of hours spent sushi rolled up in your fuzziest of blankets while Netflix plays reruns of shows you’ve already seen as you fill yourself up with the emptiest of calories you have stored in the darkest of corners in your kitchen as emotional music plays softly in the background of your dimly lit rooms.

It’s not because you’re lazy, a failure, or because you suck at life—it’s because the energy from each of those “absurd hours” has already been spent.

And until you get current again with your “energy payments” it’s likely that “sushi-ed up” is how you’ll remain.

Until eventually, you become current, have a renewed source of life energy and get another chance to start spending again.

Except this time, hopefully you’ll only spend what’s within the limits of your current day—one day at a time.