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Tag: Personal Stories

Self-Limiting Beliefs Are Self Installed

“Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they’re yours.”

Richard Bach, via MoveMe Quotes

Ridiculous to think we would ever do that, eh?

And yet, so many of us do exactly that  every day.

We adopt limiting self-beliefs, cozy up to comfortable boundaries, enclose ourselves within sturdy walls, and install glass ceilings right over our own heads.

We literally are the architects of the very ‘box’ that we keep telling ourselves we want to think and break outside of. Why do we do this?

I remember telling my dad when I was a teen that I started a new workout routine: Westside for Skinny Bastards—a program designed to help ‘Hardgainers’ build muscle.

Without much thought, I added that I wasn’t going to try to become a body-builder or anything, that I would just use it as supplemental training for Martial Arts. And, without hesitation he replied, “Why not?”

I had to do a double-take to see if he was joking—he was serious. “Why not try to become a body builder?” He asked again.

My answer felt obvious: “I don’t have the body to be a body builder,” “I don’t have enough time to devote to lifting,” “I would never be able to beat some of the huge guys already in the scene.” I was, in effect, arguing my limitations.

When I look back at that moment now, I can see how one argument at a time, I was building myself into my own little ‘limitation box.’ How, one excuse at a time I was closing doors to rooms I hadn’t even peered into. How, one criticism at a time, I was shrinking my world to fit how I felt.

And I wonder how many other things I’ve walled myself up from?

Things that, for one reason or another, I decided I “couldn’t” do. Things that, as a result of something someone said to me or criticized me about, I never even ended up trying. Things that, because of how I saw myself in the mirror or, maybe better said, how I was taught to see myself in the mirror (by media and society)—I closed myself off to.

And I wonder the same for you?

Adventures > Chores

“I don’t hold myself to longer hours; if I did, I wouldn’t gain by it. The only reason I write is because it interests me more than any other activity I’ve ever found. I like riding, going to operas and concerts, travel in the west; but on the whole writing interests me more than anything else. If I made a chore of it, my enthusiasm would die. I make it an adventure every day. I get more entertainment from it than any I could buy, except the privilege of hearing a few great musicians and singers. To listen to them interests me as much as a good morning’s work.”

Willa Cather, via MoveMe Quotes

If I was given the assignment of having to write a short-form essay every day for 423 days, I would call the assigner crazy. I would dread it. I probably wouldn’t make it past a week, let alone finish it. It’s how I felt whenever I was given a writing assignment in school.

While they were certainly effective at doing what they intended to do, there was still a palpable disconnect in how I felt about them. They weren’t organic to me. They weren’t self-driven explorations. They weren’t internally motivated. They were for a grade. They were rigid and formal. They were chores.

When I decided to write a few paragraphs about a quote every day starting on January 1st, 2020, it was like I was setting out on an adventure. I did it because I wanted to become a better writer. I did it because I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it for an entire year. I did it because I wanted to overcome the imposter syndrome I struggled with. I did it because I knew that if I wanted to become a serious writer, I would have to commit to a serious schedule.

And what a ride it has been.

Writing, for me, is one of the ultimate puzzles. There are over 170,000 words in the english language. And to spare both you and I some pretty ridiculous math, there are approximately an infinite number of ways those words can be combined into sentences, paragraphs, chapters, blogs, articles, and books—infinite.

And what fascinates me the most, is that within that mountain of words, lies the keys to understanding. Understanding people. Understanding places. Understanding things. Understanding ideas. And, most importantly, understanding ourselves. You just have to begin your adventure into the mountain on your own terms. And it will never be a chore.

Warning: Waiting For Inspiration Can Backfire

“I’ve never believed that one should wait until one is inspired because I think that the pleasures of not writing are so great that if you ever start indulging them you will never write again.”

John Updike, via MoveMe Quotes

TicTok terrifies me. The first time I downloaded and opened the app, I lost an hour of my life in what felt like the blink of an eye—with all due respect to the creators. The pleasures of indulging in the app were so great that it felt like I lost consciousness and all sense of time. I haven’t opened the app since.

The same goes for video games. I tend to harbor an “all-in” type of personality. And when something captures my attention, it’s given my full and undivided attention. At one point in time, many years ago, I was “all-in” on video games. I once faked being sick so that I could skip school and play a new role-playing game (RPG) that I just got. I played for 16 hours straight, had Inception-type nightmares (that felt like they lasted years), woke up drenched in sweat, and quit—cold-turkey—immediately after. I haven’t played since.

Netflix even makes me nervous. The TV series that are available in today’s world, on-demand, are just too damn good. They’re literally designed to make you want to binge and they do a frighteningly good job at it. Each episode is exquisitely crafted to lead you right to the next and they only give you a few seconds to opt out of auto-play—RIGHT AFTER THEY LEAVE YOU AT A CLIFF. It’s preposterous. It’s brilliant. It’s why I keep my distance and only stream once (okay, sometimes twice) a week.

What scares me isn’t the act itself. It’s okay to TicTok, game out, and stream occasionally. What scares me is how easily time is lost to those outlets and how, if not careful, I could see myself losing a ton more time in a not-so-occasional way.

An hour in the blink of an eye? Is that really how I want to spend my hours? 16 hours straight without a break? I literally didn’t do anything else that day—not a single thing that contributed to myself or others. Binging an entire series? What about putting to words the series of my life?

My fear is that if I give these platforms an inch, they’ll take a mile—and it’s just not how I want to spend the miles of my life.

You Can’t Steer A Stationary Ship

“You can’t steer a stationary ship.”

Nicolas Cole, Twitter

I remember as a kid, sitting in the driver’s seat of my parent’s car and pretending to drive. My little hands would hang on the steering wheel as I would speed down the streets and drift through turns with Fast & Furious precision. Contrast that with what was actually happening and you would’ve laughed as you saw little me making exhaust noises with my mouth and yanking on the immovable steering wheel.

Put that car in motion, however, and the steering wheel loosens right up. You could drive with your pinky fingers if you wanted to—although I would strongly advise against that. It’s motion that gives us the power to direct. Idleness is what takes that power away. And even with all of our might, child or adult, we can’t steer a parked car. Which is exactly what so many of us are trying to do with the cars of our lives: we’re living our dreams in our heads.

We plan and plot and envision and goal set and try to come up with the perfect course that will take us precisely from where we are to where we want to be. And we’re also sitting in our cars, hanging from the steering wheel, making exhaust noises with our mouths, and whipping through turns with Fast and Furious precision. We’re trying to drive a parked car. And you wonder why people giggle sometimes when they hear you?

Course correction can only happen when you’re on a course. You can’t adjust the direction of a single dot plotted on a map. You need a second dot, a plot of where the dot has moved to, in order to understand and adjust the trajectory. And so it is with all of your goals and aspirations in life. You get there by driving your car—steering your ship—in the direction of your dreams and making adjustments as you go. As you experience the world and as you get feedback from your actions.

The journey never works out to be the straight line that we envision in our heads anyways. There are always unaccounted for (and many times spontaneous) twists and turns and bumps and driving hazards that come up. Thankfully, straight isn’t the only direction forward and there’s a steering wheel that comes with the car of your life that you can use to navigate those obstacles. So long as you keep your car in drive, that is.