I help busy people do inner work.
This year was all about refinement.
Even in (especially in) my writing.
The 31 year old me would have probably tried to compile 32 life lessons learned in 32 years.
But, that didn’t feel appropriate for this year.
This year has been all about saying less, while simultaneously, learning how to say more.
Thank you for all of the birthday wishes.
Sending love and light to you all.
I strongly disliked writing in school.
Mostly because I wanted to write my final copy on the first try.
Here’s how I remember most of my essay questions going: (1) Spend 75% of my time thinking about how the hell to write the perfect first line. (2) See another student hand in their essay and realize I was almost out of time. (3) Freak out! (4) Forget about the opening line and just start spewing everything I knew about the question before time was up. (5) Leave last.
It’s amazing how much more I got done when I stopped worrying about the perfect first line.
And later, when I learned how to accept the idea of rough drafts, suddenly, writing became a whole lot easier and much more enjoyable. Who knew?
Maybe if we learned how to accept “rough drafts” in life and dropped the idea of needing to start things “perfectly,” life would become a lot easier, too.
When I was a Martial Arts student, my teachers would give the entire class push-ups for the wrong-doings of a single student.
I hated being punished for things I didn’t do that were also out of my control. It made me resent them in many cases.
So, I resolved to never do that to a class when I became a teacher (Yes, I knew I wanted to be a Martial Arts teacher long before I ever was).
Now, the motto that I have worked tirelessly to embody is praise publicly, reprimand privately.
No longer is the attention of the class pointed towards the students’ wrongdoing—now it’s pointed towards the students who are doing things right. And the students who are doing wrong get a private conversation from a more experienced instructor who can compassionately help them understand and change their behaviors.
Had I not felt that resentment and planted that seed in my mind when I was a student all those year ago, maybe I never would have felt the need to change that tradition when I was in front of a class (with misbehaving students) all those later years.
You can learn just as much from the people who do wrong by you as you can from the people who do right by you.
You just have to keep an open mind and learn how to channel your negative emotions rather than let your negative emotions become you.
When I was growing up, life for me was football in the street, wresting on lawns, basketball in driveways, and expeditions to the corner store for 50 cent mega-freezie pops.
I don’t remember much about school or homework and I didn’t really participate in any extracurricular activities. All I remember thinking about was getting back outside and picking up where we left off the day before—right before the streetlights came on and it was time to go home.
Playing with the kids on my block was the focal point of my life.
Each of them challenged me in unique ways. Some made me want to be faster and more athletic. Some made me want to stand taller and speak louder. Others made me want to be more understanding and witty.
Of course, it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. We had our fair share of arguments and more-than-play-fights. But, that’s what came with the territory. We were active, competitive, emotional, rowdy, and inexperienced. It always turned out okay though because, without even knowing it, we challenged each other “just right”—“goldilocks” right.
Too easy and I wouldn’t have had a reason to work hard, deliberately focus, or persevere. Too hard and I wouldn’t have bothered trying in the first place. Without them, skill building wouldn’t have ever even been on my mind—I probably would have just binged on TV instead.
That period of my life laid the foundation for my character that I still take pride in today.
The truth of the story is this: if we want to develop optimally, we have to find ways to challenge ourselves “just right.” As the kids on my block did for me whenever we played. As the people in your life can do for you as soon as you find your “just right” crowd, too.
Every morning, my alarm goes off at around 7am. Today was no different. The beeping started and I finally managed to drag my arm to the nightstand and drop it over the snooze button at 7:08am.
I remember the time exactly because I must have looked at “7:08am” three of four times as I continued to snooze until I finally realized—wait a second—the time hadn’t changed!
I fumbled for my phone and realized it was actually 9:24am. Yup. I forgot to switch my alarm clock back to real time and left it switched to “alarm set time.” I missed my morning workout and was supposed to have already been reading, uploading quotes, and eating breakfast.
…And I hadn’t even gotten myself upright yet.
It was in this moment that I had to make an important decision—how to get done all that I planned with two hours less time? Because losing two hours is no joke—and everything I had planned to get done was important to me.
Here’s what I did:
(1) Knowing that I had off work for the upcoming weekend, I swapped my Saturday Rest Day with my Thursday Workout Plan. Skipping workouts isn’t an option, but moving it to a different time within the same week is! That saved me an hour.
(2) I showered and got right to reading, uploading quotes, and eating breakfast—at a slightly elevated pace and with none of the normal distractions (e.g. email, stocks, news) This saved me another thirty minutes.
(3) I decided to use this rough start to my advantage and made it my writing topic for the day. This saved me the last thirty minutes as it usually takes me that long to get my writing started.
Staying flexible in our approach allows us to bend and move with the tension of life as it comes. And the tension is going to keep coming. The problem with rigid is that it breaks under tension. Better to take that rigid and apply it to our resolve.
I distinctly remember times when I would look out of my middle school classroom window and think to myself, “Wow—before I know it, I’m going to be in high school.”
And years later, when I would think back on that thought in high school, I would again think to myself, “Wow—at this rate, before I know it, I’m going to be graduating college.”
And in what felt like the blink of an eye, there I was walking across the graduation stage. I even remember thinking shortly thereafter, “Wow—pretty soon it will have been 10 years since I’ve graduated college.”
And that’s the milestone that I just hit this month. And here I am thinking to myself again, “Wow—pretty soon I’ll be finishing up my 30s and moving into a whole new decade.”
The thought of time going by that fast scares me. But, it also drives me to make every moment worthwhile while I’m here—in my 30s. Because before I know it, in what will surely feel like the blink of an eye, I’ll be turning 40 and once again in awe of how fast time flew by.
Best to make the best of it while we’re here, where we are—today.
While I was walking my dog, I stepped right into the heavenly scent of backyard cookout for the first time this season and was lifted.
It was one of those “small moments” that had me utterly present and, at least for that short time, made me feel like nothing else mattered.
I’m sure you can think of a time when you were similarly swept off your feet by the majesty of a moment—that place where all of your “matters” seemed to briefly fade away.
Well, here’s the thing: there’s no shortage of “small moments.” And there’s certainly no shortage of things that could captivate your senses.
What we’re actually short on is attention. And what we’re missing is the ongoing opportunity that’s available right in front of us—now, and again, and again…
This post became the introduction for: 19 Quotes from Narrow Road To The Interior on Solitude, Travel, and Poetry