Tag: Personal Stories

Becoming A Primary Caregiver

Published on November 29, 2022

We don’t think to inspect things that aren’t broken.

We’re too busy and distracted for that.

But, inspecting things that aren’t broken (on occasion) is an excellent strategy for ensuring they stay that way.

For example, I have a doctor’s appointment this week and asked to get general blood work done.

Why? Not because I’m sick, feeling ill, or have any noteworthy symptoms—but, to ensure my levels are solid and aren’t trending in the wrong direction considering I’ve never gotten it done before.

This isn’t something my doctor would just think to do out of the blue—he’s way too busy and distracted for that.

This is something I have to think of on my own because I need to be my own primary caregiver—as nobody will (should) care or think as intimately about my ongoing health goals/issues as me.

And the same is true for you.

I asked: “How do you practice vulnerability in your life?” I hope the answers inspire you to practice it more in your life, too.

To: You | From: Me

Published on October 22, 2022

I look at each of these daily writing pieces as gifts.

And not only am I trying to improve the quality of these gifts each day, but I’m trying to get better at identifying who they’re for.

Because like gifts that you might buy during the Holiday season, you don’t just buy arbitrary gifts for random people—even if they’re high quality.

You buy specific gifts for specific people. It’s the specificity—the inside joke(s) they reference, the shared experiences you’ve had with the recipient, the common ground you and the receiver share—that makes them special.

Today, I revised my mission statement from: “Helping you confront life: for better mental health; for healing; for personal growth” to “Helping busy people do inner work: for better mental health; for healing; for personal growth.”

Why do I share this with you?

Because you, too, have gifts to share inside. Gifts that you might be trying to go viral sharing that you might be better off pointing to specific people. People who, rather than getting a generic, trendy, commonplace gift—might much prefer a thoughtful, deeply rooted, made-for-them type gift.

A gift that is reflective of your unique life experiences, feelings, and thoughts—that’s given specifically to those people who resonate with that type of message.

I’ve realized that it’s busy people I’m talking to when I write these. People who feel like they don’t have time for themselves. People who probably need inner work the most.

Who might your gifts be for?

P.s. I was interviewed in a LIVE space today focused on writing and how it can help you with your personal growth journey. There were tons of nuggets shared.

Day 1,000

Published on September 28, 2022

Today marks 1,000 days of daily writing. (!)

And what an incredible journey it has been.

The most important lesson I have learned along the way is how beneficial daily writing is for my mental health.

Each day I would sit to write, I gave myself permission (and the space) to process feelings, clarify thoughts, and reflect on experiences.

Pre-daily-writing I didn’t have this.

And now, I can’t imagine my mental state without it.

If you don’t already have a space in your life for processing feelings, clarifying thoughts, and reflecting on experiences, I can tell you right now, your mental state is being affected.

The benefits I have received have changed my life and I’m convinced that if you start a practice of your own—it’ll change your life as well.

This doesn’t have to be as committed as my process is (although, it certainly could be). It can be simple, private, pen-and-paper, and just a few minutes each day or week.

Don’t underestimate the power of daily writing.

It could very well be the answer you’ve been looking/ hoping/ waiting/ searching/ praying for.

P.s. I shared on twitter 25 Lessons Learned from 1,000 Days of Daily Writing. Enjoy :)

Painfully Slow

Published on September 20, 2022

Healing isn’t just about confronting what others have done to you…

It’s about confronting yourself—and the role YOU play in your own suffering.

Sometimes the one is what leads to the other.

But also, it’s the other that leads to the one.

As an example, when I was 10 people made fun of my weight.

For years after, I became my own worst critic.

My self-talk was hateful, demeaning, and hurtful.

But, then I started Martial Arts; and MoveMe Quotes; and daily writing—and a slew of other things that allowed me to confront that inner critic.

…And quiet him the hell up.

…Or maybe better said: gave him new, constructive, optimistic things to focus on and talk about.

Day-by-day, it didn’t feel like much was changing. Not when I would kick and punch for an hour; not when I collected quotes for an hour; and not when I started writing for an hour.

But, today? After 20+ years of kicking punching? 12+ years of collecting quotes? 2+ years of writing daily?

…Let’s just say that if Old Me and New Me sat down for a cup of joe… neither would recognize the other.

This is how healing works. Painfully slow and like nothing is changing day-by-day… until one day, you look back and it’s all different.

P.s. I sip on coffee while I write these. If you enjoy these posts, you can support my future work by supplying me with one of my next cups of joe.

Dance Uncaringly

Published on September 10, 2022

The music was banging. The vibes were insane. Seemingly everybody was entranced and moving hypnotically.

…And what was I doing? Hesitating and looking on from the edge.

This was one the first, important realizations I had while at Burning Man.

For some reason or another (or for many reasons), I was confronted with a level of self-consciousness that I didn’t realize I had.

I was so consumed thinking about what everybody else thought of me and how I danced that I resisted dancing at all—even in the midst of complete and total strangers who I’d likely never see again!

This certainly wasn’t an innate belief and was something I must’ve (mistakingly) learned along the way. Maybe from comparisonism, a comment from a person in the past, a story I was telling myself about how I had to be or act… or a combination of all of the above.

It was only after I confronted this hesitation, sat with it for a few minutes, and unpacked the feeling in full that I was finally able to let it go.

“What the hell are you doing thinking so much?!” I thought.

And I locked my bike, duck taped my ego’s mouth, and let my body do whatever the hell it wanted as I surrendered to the pull of the bass and sway of the crowd.

P.s. I’ll be sharing pictures from Burning man on my IG. The first has finally been posted. More to come :)

On People and Art

Published on September 6, 2022

“Take more pictures of the people than the art.”
—Advice given to me by a long-time Burner

At first, I didn’t get it.

The art was one of the main attractions.

Artists from all over the world would go to incredible lengths to create, transport, and feature their art in the middle of the desert—and the pull to capture images of them felt much stronger to me than the pull to capture images of the people.

It wasn’t until I left Burning Man, got cell-phone service, and saw an article featured on my Google search page: The Art of Burning Man 2022—that I finally understood what I think that experienced Burner meant.

When you take a picture of art—it’s an image of a completed, unchanging piece.

A picture of a person, however, becomes a piece of art in and of itself.

It captures an image of an ever changing being in one exact moment in time that nobody else will ever be able to capture.

This is not to say that taking photographs of art isn’t an art form in and of itself. Nor is it to say that taking photographs of people is somehow “superior.”

It’s merely an observation that struck me as I was immersed in an other-worldly society that was exploding with creativity at every turn of the eye.

And as I reflect back on this advice more and look back on the pictures I’ve taken over the years—it rings true…

Of all the art I’ve photographed, people are the art that always seem to be the most interesting to look back on.

P.s. Here’s a LIVE re-cap of my Burning Man experience.

Always Upbeat; Always Positive…

Published on July 20, 2022

A friend of mine once said, “I want to always be known as the upbeat, energy guy.”

…So, he focuses on being perceived as positive and optimistic 100% of the time.

While on the surface this might sound admirable, a closer look might reveal how a strategy like this could actually backfire.

The reality of life is that we’re going to suffer. We’re going to be hurt. There’s going to be pain and upset and anger. And if we try to mask or suppress these feelings in an attempt to “remain upbeat”—we’re only going to end up magnifying them further.

This, of course, makes being upbeat and energetic all the harder, which worsens our state, which leads to more frustration, anger, upset—which leads to more suppression… and so it goes.

Emotions unconfronted are emotions that pressurize/ swell/ and later explode in uncontrollable ways. It is only by facing the emotions that arise and giving them the time/energy/attention they require that they may move through us and release.

So, when it comes to positivity and optimism, here’s the catch-22 that each of us should remember: Confronting the “negative” is what leads to the “positive.” Trying to only confront/ acknowledge/ reinforce the “positive” is what leads to the “negative.”

I put “negative” and “positive” in quotes because emotions aren’t inherently either. They’re just signals. And it’s up to us to interpret the signals and act on them in appropriate ways.

Masking them under an unrelenting armor of positivity isn’t one of them.

P.s. I’ll be hosting a LIVE discussion on Twitter where we dive deeper into the Art of Optimism and discuss how to best deploy it. Details here.