Tag: Martial Arts Inspired

Inverting The Bullying Conversation (Part 2)

Published on October 20, 2023

Some excerpts from the Bullying presentation I gave last week (here’s Part 1 for context):

“Raise your hand if you believe we have ENOUGH problems in the world as it is. THAT is why I’m here. Because I couldn’t agree more. And we don’t need any more of them. Not here. Not anywhere. And all change anywhere has to start somewhere. And today? That’s here. How are we going to do that? By talking about how Martial Arts can help you become more BULLY PROOF and more LIFE READY.”

“What is Bullying? It’s when someone intentionally and repetitively tries to hurt and/or bring others down. What is the opposite? Buddying. Which is intentional and repetitive attempts to help and/or lift people up. Who likes having friends? Thought so. Here are four steps to follow to make more of them: (1) Smile (2) Say ‘Hi’ First (3) Ask Interesting Questions (4) Remember Their Answers & Repeat. Who has a best friend? Why is that person your best friend? Notice how nobody said: ‘Because they have the new Nikes’ or ‘Because they have the latest iPhone…’ —Remember this whenever anybody tries to make fun of you for externals. It’s internals that make real friendships.”

“Learning how to confront bullying situations is about more than the bully and more than the specific situation. Because you know who the biggest bully you’ll ever meet is? …Life. Confronting the bully in your life is an opportunity for you to flex your courage muscles… to flex your justice muscles… for you to get to a place where standing up and growth is the better option forward than standing down and allowing others to tear you down.”

Inverting The Bullying Conversation

Published on October 19, 2023

Last week, I spoke to a group of 90+ sixth graders about Bullying.

When I was originally asked to do this, in honor of National Bully Prevention Month, the task felt tall.

Most of the school talks I give are highly engaged martial arts + message classes for Kindergarden through fifth grade. But, showing pre-teens and teens how to *properly* kick, punch, and defend themselves felt like it would only lead to *more* confrontation rather than the opposite.

The two questions I kept asking myself over and over again were:

(1) How do I do this for 90+ sixth graders and *not* make them immediately want to fight each other and test their skills after I leave (i.e. How do I *not* be the D.A.R.E. guy)?

And (2) If I don’t teach any martial arts moves, what *can* I do to keep them engaged for a 45 minute presentation?

Here’s the thought process that lead to the presentation (which went quite well) that I felt was worth spreading beyond that one classroom and into the minds of all those who might be able to perpetuate it forward:

First of all, I believe fully that: telling people what not to do isn’t as effective as telling them what to do.
So, rather than follow a typical Anti-Bully seminar approach of (1) This is bullying (2) This is why it’s bad (3) Don’t bully… I inverted the Bullying conversation into:
(1) This is how you can build confidence and create more friendships (the antidote of bullying); (2) Here’s what you do when people try to tear you and others down; (3) Lead the way—the world needs it now more than ever.

The Size Of Dread

Published on October 12, 2023

A martial arts student of mine called the other day and said he was thinking of quitting.

The context was this:

His academic work left him with very little down time (7am – 3pm school, 3pm – 4:30pm work study, and advanced math on Mondays and Wednesdays from 6-9pm… plus homework time).
Because he was so bombarded with work and exhausted, he was noticing a dread that came up when he thought about coming into class.
And it was the dread that was making him want to quit.

My response was this:

It’s obvious that your mental growth is being highly prioritized—what are you doing by way of physical growth? His reply was: attend gym class. Which was two times per week and only one time every third week—so not much. I told him all growth areas are intertwined. Our mental growth will get throttled without appropriate physical growth and the same with spiritual growth. Growth in one leads to growth in the others and regression in one causes regression in the others. It’s balanced growth—across all domains—that leads to truly realized potential.
Then, we talked about being exhausted—of which, I had no doubt. When I listened to him explain his perception of the martial arts classes, he described them as being really intense and challenging. I gave him permission to take it easier in class and told him to make the classes less intimidating in his mind… knowing, of course, that what we reduce in intensity, we gain in longevity.
He agreed to it and said he never thought of trying to change the size of his dread… And said he’d see me in class Thursday.

Showing Up (Too)

Published on October 8, 2023

At the martial arts conference I’m attending, there was a Tai Chi class being offered for all attendees at 6:30am.

Out of 100+ attendees, only three showed up.

Why? Who knows…

Too early…? Too slow…? Not “sexy” enough…?

That’s all besides the point.

The point is that these sessions are usually PACKED…

I knew it… and the other two people who showed up knew it…

But, the instructor—who had to have known it (being an attendee at the same conference since before I was born)—didn’t miss a single beat.

He didn’t give one care to the audience size. Not one huff and not one puff. Not one feeling of awkwardness, frustration, or upset was expressed or sensed from me as a student.

In fact, it was all the contrary.

He was genuinely happy we—all three of us—were there. He was completely present with us during the entirety of the session. He was interesting, methodical, and deliberate. He was a great story teller. And he was evidently having a ton of fun.

This is all to say, he didn’t show up with expectations; he showed up with love.

And love lights the way for whomever and however many care enough to do their part and show up, too.

Grand Champion Class

Published on October 2, 2023

“That was probably the worst kata I have ever done.”

…Was said by the martial arts competitor who won the grand champion division at a tournament I attended this past weekend.

Now, for those who don’t know, kata is a pattern of moves that are performed in martial arts as a means to practice self-defense without needing a partner.

And the grand champion division takes the winners from several different divisions and has them compete against each other to determine a “winner of the winners.”

What’s more about the above line is that this competitor said it after he found out he won.

While it may very well be true that from his perspective it was the “worst” kata he had ever done, I (and several other competitors) found it to be quite distasteful. What he was saying, essentially, was even his worst kata was better than everybody else’s best katas.

To which I say: keep it classy.

Be humble—in victory and defeat.

Keep comments that demean others (whether directly or indirectly) to yourself. And be grateful for your talents, opportunities, and surrounding competitors. You won’t always be in the position you’re in. And when you no longer are—it’s only a matter of time—people might not remember that specific tournament…

…But, they’ll always remember how you made them feel.

And making people feel like crap isn’t a good strategy for any worthwhile means or end.

P.s. If you share my new guide on any social platform, I’ll send you the first three meditations free! Just reply to this email and let me know you did it. Thanks in advance!

Really Notice

Published on August 20, 2023

The other night I asked my adult martial arts class, “Who feels like they’re at 100%?”

“…As in no aches, no pains, no tweaks, no bodily issues, no lagging exhaustion?”

And to my surprise, maybe 7 out of 35 raised their hand—one of whom was one of the oldest students in class.

It seems increasingly rare to me to speak with somebody who doesn’t have some type of ache, pain, tweak, bodily issue, or lagging exhaustion.

In fact, it often feels like it acts as the center of our attention and resultantly, becomes the center of our conversations, too.

Imagine, however, if we were able to notice—really notice—the miracle that is the days when we feel like we’re at 100%. It isn’t often, I’d say, but it isn’t never, either (hopefully).

Furthermore, what if we were able to notice—really notice—the miracle that is everything going right… all of the parts of ourselves that don’t ache, hurt, annoy, tire, and frustrate us.

My guess is that we often take both for granted and allow distractions to do what they do so well. But, I’m also going to guess that the more we’re able to do the really noticing, the closer to 100% we’ll get—even without any physical changes.

On Doing “Good”

Published on August 11, 2023

One of my martial arts students pulled me aside the other day, with an upcoming tournament on his mind, and told me his main motivation to compete comes from the idea of inspiring his son—who also trains martial arts.

He told me he wanted his son to see him do “good” so that he’d be inspired to do good, too.

I asked him what doing “good” meant to him.

He said, “winning.”

I asked him if winning was what was most important to him when it came to his son’s performance… because I could put him with a group of white belts if that’s what he wanted (he’s a red belt).

He thought about it for a minute and said, “No.”

He then described how he would want his son to show courage, have fun, try his best, demonstrate good sportsmanship, and use the experiences from the tournament as fuel for his future training.

I told him that if that’s what he wanted his son to prioritize… the best thing he can do is prioritize those same things, too.

P.s. If you’d like to read along, I’m going to start uploading quotes from Think Like A Monk by Jay Shetty to MoveMe Quotes in the upcoming weeks.