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Tag: Martial Arts Inspired

Embracers of Challenge and Masters of Perspective

When I write about “embracers of challenge and masters of perspective,” here’s what I mean:

  • One of my teenage students was telling me about how she fell down in the middle of her martial arts weapon performance. It was a form she decided to make more difficult the week of the tournament and yet, even though she fell and felt “so embarrassed,” she also said she was so glad she did it and can’t wait to own it at the next one.
  • A group of my adult students were telling me about how they all—maybe five or six of them—forgot the memorization of their traditional weapon form. All of them. Blanked. And yet, this is the email I got from one of them: “Our group of competitors learned a lot of humility when attempting and failing our weapon forms. We all knew we didn’t do it correctly and immediately cheered on our competitors to not quit. We all finished and were able to laugh at ourselves and cheer each other on for our next tournament. This group of competitors is just so amazing.  We all strive for nothing but our best but do not break each other down. Love this family!!!!”
  • Another one of my adult students (48 years old), decided to compete in her first ever tournament. She’s a mother of two, a wife, has been training for 2+ years and simply hadn’t pulled the trigger to do one. And when I asked what her ideal outcome would be she said, “just getting through it—place isn’t important, getting this first one under my belt is the real victory.” …And I couldn’t agree more.

Competition Success vs Life Success

Competitions aren’t designed to build confidence, they’re designed to challenge competitors.

When I think about confidence, I think about success remembered. Remembering a time (or many times) when I successfully did the thing I’m about to do—that I’m scared to do—is about as reassuring as it gets… because it’s tangible, evidence-based proof.

And when I think about traditional settings of competition, where there’s one first place winner and a group of three or more competitors, more competitors will end up losing than winning. And “losing” isn’t the foundation that confidence is built upon.

But—and this is a BIG but—losses learned from IS the foundation that life success is built upon.

As I mentioned in the beginning, competitions are designed to challenge the competitor. And what is life but a disproportionate amount of challenge compared to ease? And what makes challenges so challenging…? The fact that we keep losing when we’re trying to win!

See, when we learn how to manage the “losses” appropriately… when we learn to contextualize what’s really happening when we compete (is it really about the first place trophy?)… when we learn to roll with the punches, extract the lessons, and return to our practice with fresh insights—better insights than we had before…

How could we ever really lose?

Demanding competition success isn’t helping with life success—especially if it’s removing the challenge from the experience. Teaching competitors how to become embracers of challenge and masters of perspective… now that is a foundation that will set them up for life.

The Opposite of Human

I’ve competed in hundreds of martial arts tournaments throughout my life.

And while the goal was always to perform my routine perfectly… or fight my fights flawlessly… or do my demos without even the faintest of mistakes… I can’t think of a single time when I actually did any of that.

What I do remember are highlight moments when I nailed a really hard move or scored a picture perfect point… but most of all… I remember the feelings

I remember the intensity of the nerves… the shakiness of my legs… the feeling of being in a foreign body that felt nothing like it did in practice…

And I remember the intensity of the highs when I triumphed… the sense of accomplishment when I’d finish a long day of competition… the feelings of pride and dignity when I was recognized by others as having done well.

And I think to myself about how many potent life experiences I would’ve missed out on if I waited to compete until I felt perfectly ready… or if after my first few experiences of not having flawless performances—I gave up…

The reality is this: perfect is the opposite of human.

And if you feel like you’re living a lackluster existence… like you’re missing depth in your life… like the days feel more gray than colorful…

Then maybe you should question what kind of role perfection plays in your life. Because as tough as it might sound… embracing imperfect action is the path that’ll lead you the other way.


P.s. ICYMI, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week here.

Clawing Tooth And Nail For Status

When most people hear tournament, they think competition… they think going up against others to score some kind of win or victory… they think comparison opportunity.

This past weekend, while hosting a martial arts tournament, I was thoroughly impressed with one of the visiting masters who brought an entirely different kind of energy to the event.

Rather than a, “let’s see how many of their students we can beat…” kind of energy, what he brought was a “let’s show appreciation to those who are helping promote the spread of traditional martial arts…” kind of energy.

And he showed up, not with an intention of taking as many of our trophies as possible, but with official certificates of appreciation that they honored several of our staff with.

…What he brought was honor and dignity to our event. More than was there before.

And in a world where so many people are focused exclusively on social hierarchies and clawing tooth and nail to improve their status… this was exactly the kind of breath of fresh air I—most probably we—needed.


Inner Work Prompt: Rather than focus on how you might be better than others or how they might be worse… how can you bring honor and dignity to those around you instead?

6 Out Of 10

I taught a Women’s Self-Defense class this past Wednesday.

It’s a free event designed to equip, empower, and prepare the women of our community to protect themselves against bigger, stronger, and faster assailants.

I’ll teach fundamental self-defense strategies, effective strikes from a variety of positions, and how to properly respond against chokes, grabs, bear hugs, etc—all while being surrounded by a respectful, uplifting community of supportive women.

I’ve been leading this session for years and have settled (remember this word) into a curriculum that I feel really good about.

At the end of this past week’s session, I handed out anonymous feedback forms where participants can rate the class on a scale of 1-10 and provide written feedback on what they liked, didn’t like, and what they would’ve liked to do more/less of.

Most of the reviews I’ve gotten since starting these forms have been 10s with the occasional 9. One person, however, after this past session rated it a 6 out of 10.

And here’s what I noticed in myself after seeing that:

  1. A defensive/emotional mental rise: how could they have given that session a 6 out of 10?!
  2. A deliberate attempt to forget about that rating—as if it wasn’t submitted.
  3. A bubbling back up of the rating in my mind every so often, unconsciously.
  4. An acceptance with the rating once I calmed down and put it into perspective.
  5. Active brainstorming on what I’m going to do differently/better for the next one.

…And it’s that last line that’s so key.

Beneath the emotional responses are buried opportunities. Opportunities that, if discovered with enough patience and deliberate inner work, can (finally) take you from “settled” to still evolving.

Martial Arts At 63…

I had a 63 year old women sign up for Martial Arts classes last week on Monday.

Today, she came back in and told me that it took her until Friday to fully recover from that Monday’s training session. Not because it was inappropriately intense or without proper modifications for her level… but because she had been taking care of a sick family member for years and hadn’t really exercised or stretched or done anything for herself throughout that time.

When I asked her how she felt about the coming class and if there was anything I could do to make it better for her she shook her head and said plainly that her new goal was to recover by Thursday after taking a Monday session.

And y’all… I cried a little bit inside.


P.s. I also published: The 10 Rules of Ikigai (for a Longer and Happier Life) + 6 Bonus Quotes from The Book

Greatness Minus Fun

I spoke to a very talented martial artist yesterday who quit competing and training altogether five years ago—when she was at her peak—because her coach was too hard on her and the process stopped being fun.

What a shame.

And what a great reminder to both coaches and competitors alike: winning isn’t everything. Because you can train your ass off, push your limits, and finish each session absolutely spent—in the name of the pursuit of greatness… but if it leads to you quitting… is there any bigger loss?

Now, can you achieve greatness without a healthy dose of the above mentioned items? Probably not. But, you know what else you can’t achieve greatness without? A healthy dose of fun and enjoyment for the process.


P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week, here.