Tag: Analogies

The Happiness In Between

In a recent newsletter, Mark Manson offered a wonderful analogy for happiness. He said it was like, “Pleasant background music to everything else you do in life.” …He explained how it isn’t the highs; it isn’t the highlights; it isn’t the getting high—it’s the general feeling that arises in the background of it all.

And the more we mistake happiness for the highs in our lives, the more unhappy we’ll be. Because, by definition, the highs can only be few and far between.

The real test of happiness is when there is precisely nothing exciting happening. When there are no extraordinary moments unfolding, no phones out dealing dopamine, and no drugs or alcohol around. When it’s just you inside one of those vast majority moments that exist in-between the highs.

…What does the music sound like? Is it pleasant or is it annoying? Is it something you can even hear?

Here’s my recommendation: as you would create a playlist of songs on your phone to elicit/ facilitate certain moods, so too should you create a playlist of activities in your life that do the same.

Things that aren’t extraordinary in nature, aren’t added to highlight reels, and don’t involve state-altering substances—normal moment things that can help you come into tune with the background music of your life.

Things like screen-free walks, hikes, meditation, art, dance, exercise, journaling, conversation, etc.

Things that are… pleasant.

P.s. Today, I’m thankful for a quiet neighborhood. A place where I can easily tune and re-tune the background song(s) of my life.

Life Balance From A DJ

When you watch a really great DJ play a live set, you see a beautiful balance worth emulating.

They’ll put their headphones on and focus intensely on the next track—keenly preparing for what’s to come and how to transition most brilliantly.

And then—and this is where most of us miss—when the transition is about to happen, they take their headphones off, grab the audience by the hand, and jump, pump, and JAM OUT as they celebrate the byproduct of their work.

Focus on preparing the whole time and you miss moments worth celebrating. Jump, pump, and jam the whole time and you won’t be DJing at all—you’ll be playing someone else’s track.

Get this balance right… of putting your life energy into your work and then celebrating key moments along the way… and you’ll unlock a level of life fulfillment that’s worth raving about.

P.s. I was on vacation this past weekend which is why I haven’t published my daily writings—but that doesn’t mean I didn’t write. This was my reflection from Saturday, April 22, 2023.

Sponging Experience

Spend a little time thinking about—and writing about—what happened each day.

This one, small habit will help you absorb exponentially more life experience than only ever thinking about what’s going to (might) happen next.

…Because those who are only ever future focused do little to no absorbing at all.

Absorbing happens when you stop, look back at the mess you made (or what you cleaned) and move the sponge of your mind over it a few times so it’s cleaner/ clearer and more ready for—now—whatever’s coming next.

I can’t tell you how many experiences I’ve had that seemed clear in the moment, but were actually quite foggy and temporary until I spent a little time thinking—and writing—about them.

Sponges work best, not against some future mess, but in response to what’s already there.

What to do when you don’t feel like yourself?

I think it’s important to first point out that none of us is just one composition of feeling. We are a melting pot of ALL the feelings.

Like a melting pot, when all of the various ingredients (feelings) are getting combined in relatively the same ways… you’ll get relatively the same taste—which becomes what we might consider: feeling like ourself.

When one or more ingredients start to get added disproportionally to the pot, it’ll modify the taste. As is the case when one or more feelings get disproportionately added to our inner state.

The trick then, becomes identifying and reducing the ingredients that are “undesireably” affecting the pot while finding ways to increase the desired ones so as to get the pot back to “normal.”

For example, when cooking, it’s obvious when too much salt has been added to a recipe. A simple solution, is to (1) stop adding more salt and (2) add more of the other ingredients to dilute the power of the salt.

In life, when we feel a rise in an unfamiliar/ uncomfortable feeling, we start by identifying what it is. Once we’ve identified it and can name it, we trace the origin of the feeling to it’s root cause. Then we (1) stop allowing whatever’s causing it to make it worse and (2) add more of the other ingredients that lead to the more desired feelings we’re after.

And soon thereafter (maybe not right away, but soon), you’ll start to slowly feel more like your normal “recipe-d” self.

P.s. I also published: 37 Robert A. Johnson Quotes from Inner Work To Convince You Dreams Aren’t Arbitrary.

What Is Love?

Love is an unconditional warmth that radiates outwards from a person’s center towards all other beings. More specifically, a warmth that’s really just a majestic composition of patience, kindness, joy, forgiveness, and gratitude. Different people are made up of different compositions, but each unique composition has the same outward radiating result.

Love is not selective. Love brings warmth even to those who are cold, impatient, rude, upset, angry, and/or ungrateful. Which isn’t to say we accept, ignore, or make it our mission to change these behaviors. It’s merely to say, as the backyard fire pit warms anyone and everyone who climbs near… so, too, will love warm anyone and everyone who steps near.

What you see when people radiate warmth towards some, but act ice cold towards others is blocked love. When too many layers of cold, corrupt, malevolent, manipulative, hateful, “un-burnable” actions/circumstances gets piled on top of a person’s innate love… they’re only able to partially radiate warmth on sides where there are unblocked openings. And cold towards all is a sign of a completely smothered love.

What you see when two people devote their love specifically towards each other isn’t selective love per se. What you’re seeing are two fires who enjoy each other’s warmth so much that they decide to combine to create a bonfire. This magnifies the warmth that either individual could radiate alone and creates a combined effect that (unconditionally) warms at scale.

When a combining of fires has the opposite effect (and cools), you know it isn’t a love that’s meant to be. Love shouldn’t be something that only makes one or two of us warmer… love is something that should warm us ALL.

The 3 Crucial Mind Tools For Clarity

1. We meditate to settle the sediments of our mind.

By removing outside stimulation, we allow all of the swishing, swirling, and convoluted thoughts to relax into a kind of order: the crap moves to the bottom and the important rises to the top. Through meditation, our mental priorities become more clear.

2. We journal to filtrate.

We begin by scooping a spoonful of thoughts and pour them down onto paper or screen. Then, through a careful and focused effort, we update and revise what’s poured out so as to make those thoughts more clear, concise, and aligned. What results becomes the new, filtered spoonful that gets poured back in.

3. We speak with professionals of the mind to utilize their high-end filtration systems.

Therapy allows us to, essentially, pour our thoughts through the highly filtered mind(s) of somebody else so that we’re able to get a level of clarity we’re unable to provide for ourselves. Also, when something dangerous, toxic, or overly complex comes up through the filtration process—they can swiftly help us minimize or neutralize the threat. This can be extremely beneficial for the particularly dark and/or murky mind—especially in the initial stages of filtration.

The bottom line is this: our mind is either our greatest asset or greatest liability in life.

The use or disregard of these three tools can largely determine which category our mind falls into. All three aren’t required—any one of these tools alone can lead us all the way to the “asset” category. Applying two or all three, however, is a particularly effective strategy. One that I’d say, if you haven’t already, you at least consider.

Inner Calibration

Imagine you had a GPS system that slowly lost its calibration.

When freshly updated, it’s precise to the centimeter.

But, when left ignored too long, it starts deviating in miles.

This is how our inner GPS system works. It’s not a calibrate “once-and-done” kind of system. It’s more like your smart phone and needs frequent software updates to keep it precise and up-to-date.

Now, you don’t need to do every single update (I know I don’t). But, if you skip too many update opportunities… that’s when centimeters start turning into feet which start turning into meters with start turning into miles…

The difference between outdated phones and inner GPS systems is you won’t be able to notice an outdated inner compass as easily. The only way to check the inner calibration of your compass is to do careful and deliberate inner work. Which is, in many ways, counter-modern-culture.

If you can’t remember the last time you calibrated, it’s likely you’ve skewed off course—and possibly in a big way. How much can only ever be determined by you.

This isn’t to say that inner calibration is needed every day—but, it sure doesn’t hurt to do some calibration daily.

The bottom line to meditate on today is this: inner calibration needs to be a regular priority—are you making it one? …Because the destination of your life depends on it.

P.s. Need help calibrating your inner compass? The guide I recently created, The Art of Forward, can help.