As a 20+ year martial arts instructor, I’d say less than 5% of the students who quit have told me they were going to do so face-to-face. The other 95% simply ghost—and I get it. It’s difficult to arrange a formal sit down with the instructor. It’s difficult to confront those feelings of maybe let down, disappointment, sadness, frustration, or moving on. It’s difficult to find the right words, to stay composed, or to know for sure if it’s the right decision…
But, the fact that it’s difficult is the point.
Think about what this teaches them… that just because ghosting is easy doesn’t mean it’s right. It teaches them that taking the extra time to arrange a formal sit down is worth it. It teaches them to put words to feelings and how to communicate those feelings to others… as opposed to just getting distracted with another busyness or obligation and hiding. It teaches them how to navigate the awkwardness, tension, and discomfort of being face-to-face with someone you’re in a difficult conversation with so that you can remain present in the space and navigate… without getting overly emotional, shutting down, and running away.
Think about what these lessons would instill in our children as they grow older and get faced with more and more difficult conversational circumstances.
Think about how many times you’ve been ghosted and how it likely was a learned behavior.
Think about how many grown adults could’ve used this kind of lesson as a child and how much different things would be for them (and you) as a grown up…