Category: Living Well

How To Change People

Published on June 10, 2021

…You don’t.

People can’t be changed.

They can only choose to change themselves.

What you can do is influence them to choose to change.

What that doesn’t mean: force your influence down their throat.

What that looks like: unsolicited advice; ceaselessly checking to see if they’re following your advice; becoming emotionally invested in their choices.

What unforced influence looks like: living your best life; sharing what you learn with those interested along the way; letting people do with your advice what they may—and not taking any decision(s) personally.

Here’s the thing: other people aren’t yours to change.

Let them choose to live how they may—it’s their life.

The only person you should ever be trying to change is yourself.

Which is, paradoxically, exactly how you best change others.

Hard Work vs. The Real Hard Work

Published on June 8, 2021

“Most hard work is a form of laziness. The real hard work is in finding a way to make it easy.”
James Pierce, Twitter

Doing construction is hard work. Building a construction company is hard work. Once the right systems and personnel are in place for the company, however, construction becomes easier. Easier, at least, than having to always do all of the front-line construction yourself. When you don’t work hard to find ways to make your work easier, like by building a team, it’s a form of laziness.

Working a 9-5 desk job is hard work. Figuring out how to design a lifestyle that is free from the 9-5 is also hard work. Once the right systems and strategies are in place, however, living a lifestyle with more freedom becomes easier. Easier, at least, than merely forcing yourself to always do 9-5 work with a head full of travel plans. When you don’t work hard to find ways to live with more freedom, like by starting a side hustle, it’s a form of laziness.

Living a healthy lifestyle is hard work. Figuring out how to make healthy living easier is also hard work. Once the right systems and habits are in place, however, living healthy becomes less of a sprint and more of an enjoyable jog. More enjoyable, at least, than continuing to try to lose “30 pounds in 30 days” or trying to “trim 6 inches off your waste in 6 weeks.” When you don’t work hard to figure out how to pace healthy living and habitualize important daily tasks, it’s a form of laziness.

Focus less on hard work. Focus more on the real hard work in your life.

Let’s Take Things Down A Notch

Published on June 5, 2021

When I rush, I forget things. When I take my time, I remember.

When I skip my daily 20 minute power nap, I feel drained for hours. When I remember to take my 20 minute power nap, I feel great for hours.

Likewise, when I skip my daily one hour workout, I feel guilty for the entire rest of the day. When I discipline myself to do it, I feel confident and proud for the rest of the day.

When I pause between tasks, my mind is able to buffer out former tasks and brace for the next ones. When I don’t pause between tasks, I get scatterbrained and carry former tasks into future tasks.

When I give myself one hour to write an entry into MoveMe Daily, like this one, I usually finish in 20 minutes. When I give myself 20 minutes to write an entry, it usually takes me an hour.

Slowing down isn’t a mistake; it’s a strategy.

What Does Disciplined Look Like?

Published on June 3, 2021

First of all, let’s make it clear that disciplined and motivated don’t look the same.

Motivated looks eager, enthusiastic, energized. Motivated looks like a full night of sleep; the first few steps of a long run; the kid that just found out they’re going to Disney Land.

This is not what disciplined looks like.

More often than not, disciplined looks plain faced, crusty-eyed, and heavy-legged. Disciplined looks like a half night of sleep; the most painful part of the run; the kid who just left their fifth Disney ride who is sunburnt, cranky, and thirsty.

Sure, there may be times when disciplined might look like motivated. But, it isn’t often that motivated looks like disciplined. Because when the motivated person hits inevitable walls, gets confronted with tough barriers, faces painstaking challenges—they lose their motivation. And, without discipline, there’s nothing left to carry them through. So they don’t.

Remember this the next time you’re feeling tired, unenthusiastic, and like a worn-out kid at Disney World. Disciplined, more often than not, doesn’t look pretty. If you want your journey to always look pretty, you’ll quickly lose motivation when things get ugly (which they will). It’s only those who are willing to push through the ugly that get the long-term, sustainable pretty rewards.

So, saddle up buttercup and get back to work.

Aligning With Your Life’s Task

Published on May 29, 2021

A good litmus test to gauge whether you’re in alignment with your life’s task or not:

If you retired today, with enough money to last you for the rest of your life, would you keep doing the work you’re doing?

If yes, you’re in alignment. And if you’re able to sustain a suitable life for yourself doing that work, then keep on keeping on! That’s an exciting place to be where the focus can simply be on growing your skills and expanding your impact.

If no, you’re out of alignment. Here’s the thing: maybe you’re doing crappy work for great money? Maybe you have dependents to support? Maybe the money is the means to a better end? Maybe you live an expensive lifestyle?

Here’s my warning: while some of the above mentioned situations might be true for you and your life, what’s also true is that your work is how you’re going to spend a heaping chunk of your life’s time. And if you’re not careful, you might end up retiring with a lifetime trail of unenthused, unimportant, unfulfilled work.

Maybe it’d be better to do great work for crappier money? Maybe you could start a side-hustle to experiment with other, more fulfilling work? Maybe it’s time to set a concrete date when you’re going to make the leap to fulfilling work—rather than leave it at some obscure point in the future? Maybe you could live a more modest lifestyle?

Maybe life isn’t best saved for retirement—maybe the retired life is best lived now?

Flexible In Approach; Rigid In Resolve

Published on May 27, 2021

Every morning, my alarm goes off at around 7am. Today was no different. The beeping started and I finally managed to drag my arm to the nightstand and drop it over the snooze button at 7:08am.

I remember the time exactly because I must have looked at “7:08am” three of four times as I continued to snooze until I finally realized—wait a second—the time hadn’t changed!

I fumbled for my phone and realized it was actually 9:24am. Yup. I forgot to switch my alarm clock back to real time and left it switched to “alarm set time.” I missed my morning workout and was supposed to have already been reading, uploading quotes, and eating breakfast.

…And I hadn’t even gotten myself upright yet.

It was in this moment that I had to make an important decision—how to get done all that I planned with two hours less time? Because losing two hours is no joke—and everything I had planned to get done was important to me.

Here’s what I did:

(1) Knowing that I had off work for the upcoming weekend, I swapped my Saturday Rest Day with my Thursday Workout Plan. Skipping workouts isn’t an option, but moving it to a different time within the same week is! That saved me an hour.

(2) I showered and got right to reading, uploading quotes, and eating breakfast—at a slightly elevated pace and with none of the normal distractions (e.g. email, stocks, news) This saved me another thirty minutes.

(3) I decided to use this rough start to my advantage and made it my writing topic for the day. This saved me the last thirty minutes as it usually takes me that long to get my writing started.

Staying flexible in our approach allows us to bend and move with the tension of life as it comes. And the tension is going to keep coming. The problem with rigid is that it breaks under tension. Better to take that rigid and apply it to our resolve.

Playing Versus Playing It Safe

Published on May 22, 2021

What’s more important, watching your back or watching your step?

If your goal is to avoid pain, then watching your back would be the priority. You’d pay close attention to your vulnerabilities. You’d caution yourself around people and take your time looking for their conniving sides. You wouldn’t give people anything they could later use to hurt you with. You’d constantly be looking for ways to build bigger and stronger walls. You’d play it safe.

If your goal is to keep moving forward, then you’d prioritize watching your step. You’d pay close attention to your strengths. You’d check the rooms you’re in for opportunities, paths, directions—and you’d take your time looking for the fun in people. You’d give people anything that might help them keep moving forward because it, in all likelihood, would help you keep moving forward, too. You’d play.

Here’s the thing: are you less likely to get hurt playing it safe? Of course. Playing it safe—watching your back—is like sitting on the bench while at the playground. It’s the place where you’re least likely to get hurt. You’re positioned ideally to keep everybody in front of you, your chances of accidental bumpings/ bruises/ or bangs are minimized, and you can focus your attention solely on safety. But, is that really your life goal? To sit on the bench while staring at a playground?

Here’s what I think: when there’s a playground in front of you—you go and play. Playing is exploration. It’s interaction. It’s experimentation. It’s conflict resolution. It’s problem solving. It’s getting bumped/ bruised/ and banged—and getting back up. It’s having fun. And so it is with life, too. The point isn’t to not get hurt; the point is to play. Not to play it safe looking backwards, but to play joyfully with eyes eagerly forward.