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Category: Living Well

Too Cool For School

Published on June 16, 2022

Today, I had the privilege of presenting a martial arts driven character development class to nine groups of Kindergarden through 8th graders.

It was highly rewarding and the message I was able to share felt well received.

When the 8th graders (13-15 years old) arrived for their session, however, the apprehension and self-consciousness was thick in the air.

Just about all of the kids were more concerned with what each of the other kids thought and wouldn’t so much as stand up without a strong enough prompt.

They had other things on their mind—boys, girls, being funny, being liked, being noticed, looking cool, looking rebellious, looking like a part of the group, etc.

And so I offered them a simple invitation: I’m here to show you how martial arts can add value to your lives. If you want to learn how, step forward. If you’d rather not, step back.

And I wish I could say they all stepped forward—but, they didn’t.

Only a group of about 6 (out of 30ish) did.

And so I focused all of my attention on those six. I even huddled them tight after the session and gave them more than I planned on giving—as a thank you.

It’s so easy to feel like we’re up against the majority in our lives—and often we are. And it can be tempting to just slide back and blend into mix of the group—certainly nobody would blame you.

But, to step forward in confidence? In spite of the group decision? At risk of social consequence?

This… my friends… is where leadership is born and how any noteworthy change—is made.

Instant vs. Delayed Gratification

Published on June 7, 2022

Instant gratification is choosing pleasure now.

Delayed gratification is resisting pleasure now for (or in hope of) a more rewarding pleasure later.

The kind of pleasure we feel with instant gratification is not the same kind of pleasure that we feel with delayed gratification.

One is a superficial, fleeting feeling of pleasure—the other is a deep, lingering feeling of pleasure. Some examples:

  • Eating ice cream now will give you pleasure while you’re eating. Resisting the ice cream now gives you the pleasure of feeling healthy for much longer thereafter.
  • Sitting on the couch now will give you pleasure while you’re sitting. Resisting the couch to partake in a workout gives you the pleasure of feeling strong for much longer thereafter.
  • Buying the luxury item now gives you the pleasure while it’s admired. Resisting the luxury item purchase to invest your money gives you the longer-term pleasure of financial security.

That said, it would follow that we should delay gratification as much as possible in our lives.

And I would agree.

The more we delay gratification, the more of that deep, lingering feeling of pleasure—what I consider joy—we’ll have. However, the conversation doesn’t stop there.

I also don’t think we should always delay gratification.

If happiness is a recipe, and instant gratification are the sweet ingredients and delayed gratification are the bitter ones, we need to masterfully combine the two for healthy AND delicious meals.

Too much sweet and we’ll be eating pixie sticks all day (and feel awful).

Too much bitter and we’ll be eating spinach all day (and become bored).

We need to learn how to masterfully combine both for healthy, great-tasting meals.

Content vs. Complacent (Round 2)

Published on June 5, 2022

Complacency is given.

Content is earned.

Complacency is sitting on the couch.

Content is sitting on the couch after a workout.

Complacency is eating crappy foods.

Content is eating crappy foods on your cheat day after an entire week of clean eating.

Complacency is binging watching TV.

Content is binge watching TV after a week of reading, writing, meditating, and contributing.

Complacency is what happens when we follow our lazy inclinations and accept regression.

Content is what happens when we follow our curiosities and challenge ourselves to grow.

Both complacency and contentment represent a sort of acceptance.

The major difference, that’s imperative to understand, is the trajectory of where you’re heading from that state of acceptance.

The trajectory of complacency is an increasingly downward slope towards atrophy, dullness, and discontentment.

And the trajectory of contentment is an increasingly upward slope towards strength, sharpness, and joy.

Don’t get it twisted.

Click here to read Content vs. Complacent (Round 1)

Creating (not waiting for) Happiness [LIVE Group Audio Chat]

Published on June 4, 2022

Wait for happiness to arrive and you’ll likely be waiting for a while.

Chase happiness and you’ll likely end up running way more than you’d like to.

Make happiness…? Now, maybe that’s something we can do.

Tune in to this LIVE group audio discussion as my Co-Host, Samantha, and I dive in!

(Can’t see the audio link? Click here to view it in your browser.)

Content vs. Complacent

Published on June 2, 2022

They are not the same thing.

Both have to do with acceptance, but in completely different ways.

Being content is accepting that what’s here is enough *and* taking a step forward along the hiking trail towards growth.

Being complacent is accepting that what’s here is enough *and* avoiding the hiking trail altogether to sit on the couch and watch TV.

It’s completely possible to be content *and* travel forward on a journey. Not because what’s here isn’t enough—but, because traveling forward on a journey is precisely how growth happens.

When you let content turn into complacency, you start to regress. Your awareness fades. Your comfort zone collapses in around you and suffocates your brain.

And eventually, because of a lack of growth, what’s “enough” will start to turn gray, dull, lackluster, unappealing, and unfulfilling.

And what will be left is not a lack of “enough,” but a lack of awareness that allows you to truly appreciate all that you have.

It’s precisely the challenge associated with growth that gives you the contrast needed to appreciate the enough.

And don’t take my word for it.

Take yourself through a really hard workout—one that’s harder than normal. Make it so that you’re truly exhausted by the end of it. And then take a sip of water.

It’s the same sip of water you always take—but, I guarantee, the sip after that killer workout will taste a helluva lot better than the other.

P.s. Today, I hosted a LIVE talk on Creating (not waiting for) Happiness and it was amazing. Listen to the playback here (~2 hours long & worth every minute).

A Recipe For Happiness

Published on June 1, 2022

I think happiness is a recipe.

One that is unique to each individual person.

Wait for the ingredients to cook themselves and you’ll be waiting an awful long-time.

Rush the cooking process and you’ll burn, contort, abuse, and otherwise mess up the meal.

There’s an art to cooking just like there’s an art to happiness.

And just like a chef would bring a level of presence and care to the kitchen when prepping meals, you too need to bring that same kind of energy to the preparation of your happiness in life.

One of my personal favorite recipes for happiness is:

  • 8 cups (hours) of sleep
  • 6 cups of teaching
  • 2 cups of writing
  • 2 cups of connecting
  • 1 cup of exercise
  • 1 cup of reading
  • .5 cups of meditation

With 3.5 cups of space left (in the day) to work with.

Mixed altogether and served with some sprinkles of spontaneity on top.

And it’s a formula that I loosely follow each day.

What you have to figure out for yourself is, what does your recipe consist of?

And are you preparing your batch of happiness fresh every day? Or are you trying to eat from stale batches of happiness that was prepared long ago?

Are you waiting for the ingredients to combine themselves? Are you rushing as you prepare your meals? Or are you taking your time and approaching your craft like a chef would?

Of all the recipes you have memorized in your life, this might be one of the most important to not only memorize—but to internalize.