Category: Living Well

Milestones In What (Later) Feels Like Minutes

Published on May 15, 2021

I distinctly remember times when I would look out of my middle school classroom window and think to myself, “Wow—before I know it, I’m going to be in high school.”

And years later, when I would think back on that thought in high school, I would again think to myself, “Wow—at this rate, before I know it, I’m going to be graduating college.”

And in what felt like the blink of an eye, there I was walking across the graduation stage. I even remember thinking shortly thereafter, “Wow—pretty soon it will have been 10 years since I’ve graduated college.”

And that’s the milestone that I just hit this month. And here I am thinking to myself again, “Wow—pretty soon I’ll be finishing up my 30s and moving into a whole new decade.”

The thought of time going by that fast scares me. But, it also drives me to make every moment worthwhile while I’m here—in my 30s. Because before I know it, in what will surely feel like the blink of an eye, I’ll be turning 40 and once again in awe of how fast time flew by.

Best to make the best of it while we’re here, where we are—today.

Motivation Follows Action (Not The Other Way Around)

Published on May 14, 2021

I feel the least motivated to workout right before it’s time to workout. I’m usually tired, achy, sore, and being relentlessly poked and prodded by my brain about everything else I have to do (and why I should skip). Exercise is never appealing at the onset.

I feel the most motivated about working out right after I finish. I’m pumped up with endorphins, reminded of all the benefits of exercise, and in a much better place to handle the endless list of tasks in front of me. There’s never a workout I regret doing.

Most of the time when I sit to write, I feel uninspired and unmotivated. It’s only on a rare occasion that I’m motivated and have an idea of what I want to say. My norm is to look at the dreaded blank page cluelessly.

Here’s the thing: I write on both occasions; I workout on both occasions—I try to be the person who doesn’t miss. I try to remember that as soon as I hit “publish” I’m going to be back on cloud nine. And that as soon as I finish that last rep of that last set, I’ll be exercises biggest fan once more.

You see, you don’t show up with motivation so that you can take the actions—you show up with the actions so that you can take the motivation. The trick is getting used to showing up without motivation. Once you can get in the habit of doing that, the result is an unwavering dedication that can last a lifetime.

This post became the introduction for: 16 Fierce Jocko Willink Quotes from Discipline Equals Freedom

Leave No Room For Exceptions

Published on May 12, 2021

“Exceptions lead to more exceptions. It’s really easy to justify not doing [a] new habit (or doing an old habit you’re trying to quit) by saying, ‘Just one time won’t hurt.’ Except that it will, because now you think it’s OK to make exceptions. And now you don’t really trust yourself to stick to your promise to yourself. It’s much more effective to not make exceptions—catch yourself if you’re thinking about it and trying to justify it, and remember your motivations. When I quit smoking, I told myself Not One Puff Ever (NOPE).”
Leo Babauta, Zen Habits

The habit changes that I’ve had the most success with have been the ones that I’ve been the most strict with myself about. When I started drinking coffee black, I told myself No Cream Or Sugar Ever. When I cut donuts from my diet, I told myself Not One Bite Ever. When I stopped drinking alcohol, I told myself Not One Sip Ever.

Like Babauta, I made sure there were no exceptions or ‘gray-areas’ to these habit changes—and while that might sound harsh and intense, it actually made the habit change process easier for me.

The problem with setting up more vague goals like, “I’m going to try to stop drinking my coffee with cream and sugar,” or “I’m going to try to eat less donuts,” or “I’m really not going to go out and drink as much anymore,” is that it leaves room for mental negotiation. Which, as I’m sure you’re all too familiar with, leads to long, hard, draining mental fights.

And the problem with long, hard, draining mental fights with your forever argumentative, unrelenting mind is that—you’ll eventually lose.But, just one donut won’t hurt, right? Well, how do you decide which days to follow this goal and which days not to? How will you know for sure when it’s okay to stray from your intentions? Why is it okay to mess up on some days but not others?

When you set out strong from the beginning and make your goals “black-and-white,” whatever they might be for you, there’s no question.No confusion. No special situations or exceptions. The answer is always and every time, “NOPE.” Easy. End of discussion. Onto the next thought.

A Small Moment Reminder (For Now And For Later)

Published on May 8, 2021

While I was walking my dog, I stepped right into the heavenly scent of backyard cookout for the first time this season and was lifted.

It was one of those “small moments” that had me utterly present and, at least for that short time, made me feel like nothing else mattered.

I’m sure you can think of a time when you were similarly swept off your feet by the majesty of a moment—that place where all of your “matters” seemed to briefly fade away.

Well, here’s the thing: there’s no shortage of “small moments.” And there’s certainly no shortage of things that could captivate your senses.

What we’re actually short on is attention. And what we’re missing is the ongoing opportunity that’s available right in front of us—now, and again, and again…

This post became the introduction for: 19 Quotes from Narrow Road To The Interior on Solitude, Travel, and Poetry

Inertia—And How It Affects Your Life

Published on May 7, 2021

“How much of what you did today was simply due to inertia? Never get so busy that you forget to actively design your life.”
Steph Smith, Twitter

If you were to run a mile, which step would be harder to take—the first step or the last one? I would argue the first. Even though your muscles would be more fresh, it’s your mind and body that would be stale. You have to overcome a state of inactivity before running (or any other activity) and the physics is clear: starting is the hard part.

Don’t you remember this lesson from Physics class? This concept is usually taught with small moveable objects: it’s easier to keep a body in motion than it is to start a stopped body. Well, the same goes for your body. Inertia is the state of inactivity—dormancy—that works to keep your body at rest while you’re resting. Inertia is the heaviness, the resistance, the drag you feel right before you get up to move.

And many times, inertia wins. And more often than you might care to admit, inertia dictates what you actually end up doing each day. Because we humans prefer the path of least resistance and most of the time, that ends up being no path at all. Preoccupied on our phones, distracted by our laptops, busy trying to keep ourselves busy—we find ways to stay put so we don’t have to move our stopped bodies.

But, here’s the thing: we can make starting easier. We can plan our days; block out time; commit to a schedule; minimize the friction of starting; stack a new habit on top of an old one; carry momentum from one task to another; learn to say “no” to unimportant tasks; surround ourselves with people already doing the desired task; find an accountability partner; start a progress journal; ask for help; research ideas.

Never get so busy losing to inertia that you forget to actively design the life you actually want to live.

Let Actions Illustrate Knowledge—Not Words

Published on May 6, 2021

“Today, or anytime, when you catch yourself wanting to condescendingly drop some knowledge that you have, grab it and ask: Would I be better saying words or letting my actions and choices illustrate that knowledge for me?“
Ryan Holiday, via MoveMe Quotes

If you are looking to get in shape, who are you more likely to take advice from? The certified, highly educated, unhealthy trainer — or one of your friends who lives a remarkably healthy lifestyle?

If you are looking to grow your online presence, who are you more likely to listen to? The social media expert, promising 0–100k followers, who has little to no engagement on any of their posts—or the person who posts content that you love engaging with?

When you think about the people who have influenced you the most in your life, do you think specifically about the words they said—or do you think about the way they made you feel from how they acted towards you?

What you will find is that in almost every case what we do speaks louder and has a greater impact than what we say. Even the subtlest of actions may outperform the most potent of words. And so, before you go dropping knowledge bombs on those around you, try subtly modeling the knowledge that you behold instead.

Learn how to get people to hear you without saying anything at all. Learn how to let your presence exemplify your beliefs. Learn how to let your choices reveal your character. Learn how to be the person you advise others to be—and you’ll find that your advise will start becoming more widely received.

Adventures > Chores

Published on February 27, 2021

“I don’t hold myself to longer hours; if I did, I wouldn’t gain by it. The only reason I write is because it interests me more than any other activity I’ve ever found. I like riding, going to operas and concerts, travel in the west; but on the whole writing interests me more than anything else. If I made a chore of it, my enthusiasm would die. I make it an adventure every day. I get more entertainment from it than any I could buy, except the privilege of hearing a few great musicians and singers. To listen to them interests me as much as a good morning’s work.”
Willa Cather, via MoveMe Quotes

If I was given the assignment of having to write a short-form essay every day for 423 days, I would call the assigner crazy. I would dread it. I probably wouldn’t make it past a week, let alone finish it. It’s how I felt whenever I was given a writing assignment in school.

While they were certainly effective at doing what they intended to do, there was still a palpable disconnect in how I felt about them. They weren’t organic to me. They weren’t self-driven explorations. They weren’t internally motivated. They were for a grade. They were rigid and formal. They were chores.

When I decided to write a few paragraphs about a quote every day starting on January 1st, 2020, it was like I was setting out on an adventure. I did it because I wanted to become a better writer. I did it because I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it for an entire year. I did it because I wanted to overcome the imposter syndrome I struggled with. I did it because I knew that if I wanted to become a serious writer, I would have to commit to a serious schedule.

And what a ride it has been.

Writing, for me, is one of the ultimate puzzles. There are over 170,000 words in the english language. And to spare both you and I some pretty ridiculous math, there are approximately an infinite number of ways those words can be combined into sentences, paragraphs, chapters, blogs, articles, and books—infinite.

And what fascinates me the most, is that within that mountain of words, lies the keys to understanding. Understanding people. Understanding places. Understanding things. Understanding ideas. And, most importantly, understanding ourselves. You just have to begin your adventure into the mountain on your own terms. And it will never be a chore.