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Category: Inspiring Others

How To Change People

Published on June 10, 2021

…You don’t.

People can’t be changed.

They can only choose to change themselves.

What you can do is influence them to choose to change.

What that doesn’t mean: force your influence down their throat.

What that looks like: unsolicited advice; ceaselessly checking to see if they’re following your advice; becoming emotionally invested in their choices.

What unforced influence looks like: living your best life; sharing what you learn with those interested along the way; letting people do with your advice what they may—and not taking any decision(s) personally.

Here’s the thing: other people aren’t yours to change.

Let them choose to live how they may—it’s their life.

The only person you should ever be trying to change is yourself.

Which is, paradoxically, exactly how you best change others.

Let Actions Illustrate Knowledge—Not Words

Published on May 6, 2021

“Today, or anytime, when you catch yourself wanting to condescendingly drop some knowledge that you have, grab it and ask: Would I be better saying words or letting my actions and choices illustrate that knowledge for me?“

Ryan Holiday, via MoveMe Quotes

If you are looking to get in shape, who are you more likely to take advice from? The certified, highly educated, unhealthy trainer — or one of your friends who lives a remarkably healthy lifestyle?

If you are looking to grow your online presence, who are you more likely to listen to? The social media expert, promising 0–100k followers, who has little to no engagement on any of their posts—or the person who posts content that you love engaging with?

When you think about the people who have influenced you the most in your life, do you think specifically about the words they said—or do you think about the way they made you feel from how they acted towards you?

What you will find is that in almost every case what we do speaks louder and has a greater impact than what we say. Even the subtlest of actions may outperform the most potent of words. And so, before you go dropping knowledge bombs on those around you, try subtly modeling the knowledge that you behold instead.

Learn how to get people to hear you without saying anything at all. Learn how to let your presence exemplify your beliefs. Learn how to let your choices reveal your character. Learn how to be the person you advise others to be—and you’ll find that your advise will start becoming more widely received.