Category: Building Habits

If You’re Miserable, It’s Not Sustainable

Published on June 15, 2021

“The MOST IMPORTANT feature of a sustainable habit: You don’t hate doing it.”
Mark Palmer, Twitter

This doesn’t mean you have to love doing each of your daily habit tasks, just that you don’t hate doing them—there’s a difference.

Moving even one tick back from “miserable” to “don’t like it,” can remarkably lengthen your habit’s lifespan and prevent you from burning out altogether.

Like when you move one tick back from “red zone” to “yellow zone” while running. That minor pace adjustment can give your legs a major boost in life. And you’ll last far longer than you ever would’ve if you stayed in “red.”

While “red” is what moves you fast, “yellow” is what takes you far.

This is how I approach all sustainable habits. Fast isn’t what I’m after—far is what I want. The question I often ask myself is, “How can I make this more like an enjoyable run and less like an all out sprint?”

And I move things a tick back wherever I find myself in “red.” Similarly, I move things a tick forward wherever I find myself in a “green.” Because being in “green,” of course, doesn’t take you anywhere far or fast. It keeps you comfortable where you are.

And even though I don’t like being uncomfortable, I make sure that what I’m doing never makes me miserable. Because not only is “miserable” bad for the run—it’s bad for all future runs! And if you want to go far, going in misery is no way to go.

Flexible In Approach; Rigid In Resolve

Published on May 27, 2021

Every morning, my alarm goes off at around 7am. Today was no different. The beeping started and I finally managed to drag my arm to the nightstand and drop it over the snooze button at 7:08am.

I remember the time exactly because I must have looked at “7:08am” three of four times as I continued to snooze until I finally realized—wait a second—the time hadn’t changed!

I fumbled for my phone and realized it was actually 9:24am. Yup. I forgot to switch my alarm clock back to real time and left it switched to “alarm set time.” I missed my morning workout and was supposed to have already been reading, uploading quotes, and eating breakfast.

…And I hadn’t even gotten myself upright yet.

It was in this moment that I had to make an important decision—how to get done all that I planned with two hours less time? Because losing two hours is no joke—and everything I had planned to get done was important to me.

Here’s what I did:

(1) Knowing that I had off work for the upcoming weekend, I swapped my Saturday Rest Day with my Thursday Workout Plan. Skipping workouts isn’t an option, but moving it to a different time within the same week is! That saved me an hour.

(2) I showered and got right to reading, uploading quotes, and eating breakfast—at a slightly elevated pace and with none of the normal distractions (e.g. email, stocks, news) This saved me another thirty minutes.

(3) I decided to use this rough start to my advantage and made it my writing topic for the day. This saved me the last thirty minutes as it usually takes me that long to get my writing started.

Staying flexible in our approach allows us to bend and move with the tension of life as it comes. And the tension is going to keep coming. The problem with rigid is that it breaks under tension. Better to take that rigid and apply it to our resolve.

We All Fall Down (To The Level Of Our Systems)

Published on May 21, 2021

“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”
James Clear

Before the start of every competition, it’s safe to assume that every competitor has the same goal—to win. And yet, not all do. Only one person wins. So, what’s the difference maker? Is it the size of a person’s desire? I think someone can want to win remarkably more than other competitors and still lose. Size of desire, in and of itself, isn’t the major factor in winning and losing. So, what is?

It’s what we do with our desire that counts. If I change my goal from wanting to read one book per month to wanting to read five, but change nothing with my habits—nothing changes! Yes, it’s important to have the goal identified so you have a direction and focus (and bigger goals might put you on different paths), but once you have that, all of your energy should be directed towards system building.

What do systems look like? Your system for reading might be to read at least 1 page before bed every night. Your system for exercising might be to do at least 5 minutes of bodyweight exercise every morning. Your system for healthy eating might be to eat at least 1 apple every day for lunch. This, of course, is where size matters—the bigger your systems, the bigger your results. Systems are the vehicles that are going to take you to your goals—your goals are simply the destination.

This is such an important reminder. We don’t rise to the level of our goals; we fall to the level of our systems. Don’t share with me your goals; share with me your systems. Goals don’t impress me—we all want to change the world and do big things. Share with me what you’re doing every day that’s going to get you there. That’s where the magic happens. That’s where thoughts become reality. That’s where winners spend their time.

The Problem With Forcing Yourself Into New Habits

Published on May 18, 2021

“When you have to, you find an excuse. When you want to, you find a way.”
Mustafa Khundmiri, Twitter

One mistake people make when trying to adopt new habits is they try to force themselves into new behaviors rather than ease themselves into them. While we certainly have to force ourselves to do things sometimes—forcing isn’t a good long-term strategy.

Eventually, forcing leads to resentment and resentment leads quickly to excuses. Sick? Excuse. Tired? Excuse. Busy? Excuse. Stubbed toe? Excuse. The wind blew differently? Excuse. To the person uninterested in doing the work—who resents the work—anything can (and usually will) be made into an excuse.

To the person interested in doing the work, however, anything can happen and an alternative is always sought and usually found. Sick? Alternative. Tired? Indomitable spirit. Busy? Not for top priorities. Stubbed toe? Got nine other fully functional ones. Wind blew wrong? Stop being ridiculous.

When you ease yourself into new habits, for the right reasons, you drastically change your relationship with the accompanying behaviors. Rather than the behaviors being something you resent and have to force yourself to do, they can become something you actually enjoy and look forward to doing.

Think about one healthy habit that you already have incorporated into your life that you most look forward to. We all have at least one. Then, think about why. From there, think about how you can incorporate another healthy habit that mimics those reasons. And ease yourself into a more enjoyable lifestyle in a more enjoyable way.

Leave No Room For Exceptions

Published on May 12, 2021

“Exceptions lead to more exceptions. It’s really easy to justify not doing [a] new habit (or doing an old habit you’re trying to quit) by saying, ‘Just one time won’t hurt.’ Except that it will, because now you think it’s OK to make exceptions. And now you don’t really trust yourself to stick to your promise to yourself. It’s much more effective to not make exceptions—catch yourself if you’re thinking about it and trying to justify it, and remember your motivations. When I quit smoking, I told myself Not One Puff Ever (NOPE).”
Leo Babauta, Zen Habits

The habit changes that I’ve had the most success with have been the ones that I’ve been the most strict with myself about. When I started drinking coffee black, I told myself No Cream Or Sugar Ever. When I cut donuts from my diet, I told myself Not One Bite Ever. When I stopped drinking alcohol, I told myself Not One Sip Ever.

Like Babauta, I made sure there were no exceptions or ‘gray-areas’ to these habit changes—and while that might sound harsh and intense, it actually made the habit change process easier for me.

The problem with setting up more vague goals like, “I’m going to try to stop drinking my coffee with cream and sugar,” or “I’m going to try to eat less donuts,” or “I’m really not going to go out and drink as much anymore,” is that it leaves room for mental negotiation. Which, as I’m sure you’re all too familiar with, leads to long, hard, draining mental fights.

And the problem with long, hard, draining mental fights with your forever argumentative, unrelenting mind is that—you’ll eventually lose.But, just one donut won’t hurt, right? Well, how do you decide which days to follow this goal and which days not to? How will you know for sure when it’s okay to stray from your intentions? Why is it okay to mess up on some days but not others?

When you set out strong from the beginning and make your goals “black-and-white,” whatever they might be for you, there’s no question.No confusion. No special situations or exceptions. The answer is always and every time, “NOPE.” Easy. End of discussion. Onto the next thought.

Inertia—And How It Affects Your Life

Published on May 7, 2021

“How much of what you did today was simply due to inertia? Never get so busy that you forget to actively design your life.”
Steph Smith, Twitter

If you were to run a mile, which step would be harder to take—the first step or the last one? I would argue the first. Even though your muscles would be more fresh, it’s your mind and body that would be stale. You have to overcome a state of inactivity before running (or any other activity) and the physics is clear: starting is the hard part.

Don’t you remember this lesson from Physics class? This concept is usually taught with small moveable objects: it’s easier to keep a body in motion than it is to start a stopped body. Well, the same goes for your body. Inertia is the state of inactivity—dormancy—that works to keep your body at rest while you’re resting. Inertia is the heaviness, the resistance, the drag you feel right before you get up to move.

And many times, inertia wins. And more often than you might care to admit, inertia dictates what you actually end up doing each day. Because we humans prefer the path of least resistance and most of the time, that ends up being no path at all. Preoccupied on our phones, distracted by our laptops, busy trying to keep ourselves busy—we find ways to stay put so we don’t have to move our stopped bodies.

But, here’s the thing: we can make starting easier. We can plan our days; block out time; commit to a schedule; minimize the friction of starting; stack a new habit on top of an old one; carry momentum from one task to another; learn to say “no” to unimportant tasks; surround ourselves with people already doing the desired task; find an accountability partner; start a progress journal; ask for help; research ideas.

Never get so busy losing to inertia that you forget to actively design the life you actually want to live.

Routine Is Mesmerizing—Your Opportunity And Your Warning

Published on February 24, 2021

“I keep to [my] routine every day without variation. The repetition itself becomes the important thing; it’s a form of mesmerism. I mesmerize myself to reach a deeper state of mind.”
Haruki Murakami, via MoveMe Quotes

Not all routines help you reach deeper states of mind. Some routines lead to mind-numbing, rut-inducing, counter-productive states of mind. The ones that you might find yourself in when you’re waking up late, to do work you don’t want to do, to pay for things you don’t really need, surrounded by people you don’t really like, only to go to bed late to do it all over again the next day. A person in a routine like this may actually be mesmerized to avoid deeper states of mind altogether.

Take heed; for all routines mesmerize.

And I think most of us are, in fact, mesmerized whether we realize it or not. Do you spend time every night plotting out exactly what you’re going to do each morning or do you automatically just do what you do? Do you consciously map out your route to work or does routine navigate the roads for you? When you get home at night do you arbitrarily pick out evening activities or do you subconsciously flow through them?

When you take a close enough look, you might be surprised at how much of your day is actually routinized versus how much you think is spontaneous.

The bottom line: routine can be your greatest enemy or your best friend. It can mesmerize you to reach deeper states of mind or it can do precisely the opposite. It can get you working out without so much as a single thought of resistance or it can fill your head with only thoughts of resistance. It can habitualize reading and writing or it can habitualize binging and gaming.

If your going to be mesmerized by a routine, make sure it’s with a routine that you’d be happy waking up from in 5, 10, 20 years. Because sometimes, that’s how long these states of hypnosis can last. And it goes without saying that not everybody who wakes up from prolonged hypnosis is happy with how all of their time was spent.

Don’t be that person. Wake up and rework your routine. Practice an upgraded routine daily and without variation. Hypnotize yourself deliberately; not accidentally. Take control of the subconscious actions of your life—and you’ll take control of your life.