Category: Being Present

There’s this girl who sits at a table by the side of the road, presumably selling something, who’s on my route to and from work each day.

I’ve seen her maybe 6-8 times in the last week or two and still have no idea what she’s selling.

Why haven’t I stopped to ask?

Well, to be honest, she doesn’t look like she wants to be bothered. She usually has her hood up, she’s slouched in her chair mostly hiding under the table, eyes glued to her phone, there’s no signage, and she rarely looks up to see if anybody is even slightly interested…

…Mind you, she doesn’t look to be any older than 13.

And yet, something about this scene resonated with what I see often in modern society.

People hiding, mostly in the comfort of their homes with their windows shut, slouched in their chairs playing keyboard warrior, eyes glued to screens, no clear indication of who they are/ what they’re doing with their lives/ how they’re trying to make a difference, rarely looking up to see what’s happening IRL when they’re away from that virtual reality (VR), waiting for someone or something to happen to them for the better.

There’s no question that there are countless, phenomenal opportunities that can be accessed IRL via VR.

But, what most modern day people seem to forget, is that there are countless, phenomenal opportunities that can be accessed IRL minus VR, too.

To rush implies a present desire to get to a future moment as quickly as possible.

…Which happens at the expense of the present moment in proportion to how much you’re rushing.

In other words, big rushing = big dissociation from the present moment… little rushing = little dissociation.

Living only happens in the present.

And while, yes, it’s still possible (and common) to dissociate from the present moment even when you’re not rushing—it can’t be ignored that not rushing is a necessary precursor to presence.

The pickle so many of us find ourselves in is that modern society is built upon a foundation of rush.

We must hurry to learn—so we can get into a competitive, name-brand college.

We must hurry to earn—so we can impress our peers with our lifestyle.

We must hurry to settle—so we can cross house, spouse, kids, and dog off our life checklists.

And so on.

The problem with this is that the foundation of life is built upon a foundation of presence—moments where you truly feel the experience of being alive.

And when the foundation of society is built on a foundation in conflict with that of life… we can have problems—namely, ends filled with lots of regret.

But, if we can break away from this societal mold and create our own little foundation of presence in our lives… we can change the direction of our lives drastically.

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P.s. I wrote a guide to help you live a life with less regret. More on that here.

Thirty minutes spent thinking… sitting… staring at a blank page… as much as it might feel like a time waste… especially when the goal is to fill that blank page with words…

…Isn’t time wasted.

The real time waste happens when we forget what the real goal is.

…Which, at a more fundamental level, isn’t to fill blank pages with words.

…It’s to reconnect with the present moment of life that we have now.

Too easy is it in today’s world to forget that we even exist. Too much time do we spend distracted, selling our attention, consuming the lives of countless others and comparing the countless ways in which we lack.

When really… all we need to do to start feeling better… is cut all that.

…And maybe spend significantly more time thinking… sitting… staring at blank pages… confronting what it is that’s going in our minds… these minds we’ve been gifted… as we trudge forward through the thick and thin of it all… this whole experienced wrapped as a miraculous gift… the gift of life.

One of the most impressive things I saw this week—maybe even this month—was two of my martial arts students sitting quietly and patiently in the school’s lobby, while their younger sister took class, without a single screen, device, game, toy, meal, snack, conversation, etc., to distract them, entertain them, or consume their attention.

How rare a sight it is to see not even just kids, but adults, sitting plainly, without anything to distract or entertain them while time passes by…

…It’s no wonder it’s so common for people of all ages to have attention disorders, poor self-esteem, crippling anxiety, non-clinical depression, stunted imaginations, and/or complicated/toxic relationships.

In my experience, it all boils down to the fact that so many people have such a hard time just sitting with themselves. Even for just 10 – 20 minutes out of a day.

…For it’s the sitting with ourselves that we’re able to heal our attention addictions, focus inwardly and less outwardly, calm our minds from the overstimulation, remove the hyper-comparisonism, free our imaginations, and/or stay fully present with the people in our presence.

Try it.

Just sit with yourself for 10-20 minutes a day. Stimulation-free. Watch what happens to your mind. Let the uncomfortable cravings to re-stimulate come and go. Drift slowly away from the modern day addictions. Allow yourself to turn inward and deepen the relationship you have with yourself. Enough with the unnecessary overstimulation from the world.

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P.s. This post only emerged after I sat and stared at my computer screen for 43 unstimulated minutes. Good things come to those who are patient with themselves.

Today felt like a hectic, busy day.

Like whenever I finished one thing, five other things immediately came to mind that I had to do. And the more time I spent thinking about those five other things, the more stressed I felt.

One thing that helped, however, was deliberately reconnecting to the present moment.

There were a few instances throughout my day, for example, when I caught myself stressing myself out and I interrupted the pattern by deliberately focusing on a present moment task.

In one instance, I caught myself thinking about all of the things I had to catch up with at work during my morning workout and I reframed my focus towards getting the best pump I could with each strengthening rep instead.

In another instance, I caught myself thinking about all of the home chores I had to catch up on during my afternoon break and I reframed my focus towards the beautiful day we were having and stepped outside, took a seat on my porch, and meditated quietly for five minutes instead.

And in another instance, I caught myself thinking about all of my upcoming travel plans that needed to be confirmed as I was unwinding from work and I reframed my focus towards each step of my evening dog walk… and then each dish as the soap and hot water ran through my fingers… and then each word as I sat at my desk and typed this short message for you.

And it was in thinking about these moments today that I realized… the antidote to busy (that doesn’t want to change)… is presence.