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Category: Being Disciplined

Self-Discipline vs. Self-Control

“Deciding to stop eating sweets and to start eating vegetables are separate psychological functions. The first takes self-control. The second takes self-discipline. You can easily succeed at one and fail at the other. They aren’t the same process!”

Dr. Julia-Marie O’Brien

Self-discipline says “Go,” even when you don’t want to—to do what you know you have to.

Self-control says “No,” even when you might want to say “Yes”—to stop you from doing something you know you shouldn’t.

In the same way self-discipline is built by breaking down seemingly large tasks into manageable chunks (to make “going” easier)—self-control is built by preemptively mitigating temptations before they turn into uncontrollably large ones (to make saying “No” easier).

If improving self-discipline follows a big to small format:

  • Step 1: Identify the big task that you know needs to get done—that comes from a deep place.
  • Step 2: Make doing the task easy (so it can be done even on the hard days)—by breaking it down into smaller, simpler, easier to remember tasks.
  • Step 3: Go—ideally at times when your energy levels are highest.

Then improving self-control might follow a small to big format:

  • Step 1: Identify the small cravings/desires as they arrive—be mindful of regular patterns.
  • Step 2: Make mitigating those cravings/desires easy—have a plan in place (e.g. if I get a craving for something sweet, then I’ll have peanut butter and a protein bar).
  • Step 3: Stop—ideally at times when you’re cravings/desires are at their lowest.

While these two words might seem interchangeable, this key difference in these psychological processes should be understood if we hope to improve upon them.

Discipline Doesn’t Have To Be Hard

The reason most people have a hard time with discipline is because they choose not to take small, easy, confidence-building steps.

  • They choose to sprint.
  • They choose to rush the process.
  • They choose to jump the high hurdles because they want results NOW.

THIS is what makes discipline hard.

  • You choosing a 60-minute body-destroyer workout vs. a 20-minute moderately intense one.
  • You choosing an insanely strict zero-sugar diet vs. choosing to adopt one new, healthy habit.
  • You choosing to hustle deep into the night at the expense of sleep vs. choosing to build in small, intentional steps each day.

If you want to make discipline easy—you have to make the daily steps easy.

Otherwise, doing the tasks that require discipline will always look gigantic, daunting, and intimidating.

This isn’t the path to a disciplined life.

Precisely What’s Needed

Self-discipline is the crux of all lifestyle change.

Strategies, tactics, and techniques are mostly irrelevant without it.

Why? Because without self-discipline, they will eventually falter.

Self-discipline is precisely what’s needed when the going gets hard (which it will).

Self-discipline is precisely what’s needed when you face the fork in the road between: do it even though you don’t want to and let the ego come up with a totally viable and believable excuse so you don’t have to.

Self-discipline is precisely the difference between sticking the next move of the climb and falling from the boulder back to where you started.

Digital Age Discipline

The ones who get ahead in the digital age are the ones who know how to discipline themselves with their screens.

These are the people who:

  • Use silent or “Do Not Disturb” mode when sleeping, when spending quality time with people, or when doing deep work.
  • Know how to abstain from constantly checking said phone when it’s on silent/ “Do Not Disturb” mode.
  • Know that eyes communicate priority and know how to look away from screens and into the window of another person’s soul.
  • Understand that turning off any and all unnecessary notifications is key to screen independence and recovering from “ding” addiction.
  • Know how to create restraints on screen time and how to follow them when time is up.

Isn’t it interesting how in the age of information, so many around us still seem to be so lost?

Like how so much of what people are focused on is backwards from what they actually should be focused on?

It all boils down to a priorities imbalance.

What we have to recognize is:

  • A full night of sleep is far superior to a night full of intermittent information gathering.
  • A conversation with undivided attention is exponentially better than a divided one.
  • An uninterrupted block of time for deep work is far more productive than double the time spent juggling deep work with notification checking, call answering, and timeline refreshing.

The urge is to do what’s urgent.

The key to getting ahead is to discipline yourself against that urge and do what’s important instead.

The Make-It Or Break-It Point For Goal Achievement

Most people plan their goals with their best self in mind—the self that is well rested, in a good state, on-time, and excited.

This is a mistake.

Goals should be planned with our worst self in mind—the self that is tired, in a bad state of mind, late, and unmotivated.

Because it is in these moments—when we are feeling our worst—that we decide the fate of our goals.

If this “worst self” version catches you off guard, and you weren’t prepared for life’s curveballs—failure is almost inevitable.

Because if there are no other guarantees in life, I know this one to be true for sure: life will never unfold perfectly. There will be curveballs galore, obstacles like mad, and times when—for no apparent reason—you’re just not feeling like doing what you know you need to do.

Be ready for those days.

Have backup plans, a flexible mindset, and reliable systems in place.

But, above all, make sure you are doing what you are doing for the right reasons—strong, intrinsically motivated, deeply felt reasons.

Because the stronger the why—the easier it will be for you to continue forward despite the frustrations that are thrown your way. And the weaker the why—the harder it will be.

Don’t fool yourself—frustrations will be thrown at you.

The only question is… will you be ready?


Inspired by Jessica via Twitter. Thank you.

The Secret To Building Self-Discipline

The reason people fail to discipline themselves is because their “why” isn’t strong enough.

Many people’s “whys” are actually quite superficial. They’re focused on weight, waist size, number of abs showing, number of “0s” in the account, brand names, follower count, verified badges, etc.

The solution is to go deeper. And motivation will increase in proportion to the depth of the “why.”

For example, is the goal: weight, waist size, number of abs showing or is it really self-confidence?

If the goal is self-confidence and it’s being measured with a superficial marker like a scale—of course motivation will be lost when the scale yo-yos or doesn’t change.

If you’re going to stay consistent through the yo-yos and plateaus, you need to go deeper.

And if you don’t feel confident in yourself now, you need to figure out why.

Are you comparing yourself to who you were yesterday or other people? Do you hate the way being overweight feels? Does being overweight conflict with your identity?

Dig deeper into the real reason why you want to lose weight, reduce your waist size, and increase your ab count (or whatever) and align your actions with that reason instead—not number games.

E.g. I’m working out because I hate the way being overweight feels and I know that the temporary pain of exercise is worth more than the lasting pain of being uncomfortable in my own skin—versus—I’m working out to lose weight.

Remember: when you align your tasks with a strong enough “why,” you’ll be able to bear almost any “how.”

It’s Not The Axe’s Fault

Not needing anybody to motivate you is one of the most liberating feelings in the world.

  • You get to exercisewithout needing a trainer, accountability partner, or motivational video.
  • You get to eat cleanwithout needing a meal-planner, slap from a loved one, or body goals video.
  • You get to workwithout needing external incentives, pushes from your peers, or threats from your boss.

Having self-motivation saves time, money, and energy.

But, it also takes time, money, and energy—particularly at the outset. At the times when all you want to do is utilize the motivation that can be taken from surrounding external sources. When all you want to do is dive in while you’re hot.

But, here’s the trick: you have to resist that urge.

The same way the lumberjack must resist the urge to chop the tree with a dull axe.

See, most people just grab the axe and start hacking away. And they burn themselves out, fail to make much progress, and curse the axe for not being good enough.

When what’s really required isn’t hacking—but sharpening.

When you take the time required to sharpen the mind and internalize principles that are intrinsically motivating, you’ll be free of the external needs altogether.

And you’ll start chopping through days worth of trees while everybody else is still cursing their axe.