The feelings we crave the most are connected to the feelings that hurt us the most.
The desire to feel:
- Cool is connected to feeling uncool
- Admired is connected to feeling un-admirable
- Impressive is connected to feeling unimpressive
The feelings that pain us are like emotional wounds and the opposite feelings act like the remedy.
Possessions are like band-aids—they only temporarily cover up wounds. And they do nothing to address the pain itself.
If we want to truly heal, then we need to do the same kind of work that our body would when wounded. We need to:
- Clot the area and stop picking scabs: The first step is always: don’t make it worse. We need to stop feeding our minds toxic, belittling, hateful information.
- Send white blood cells to fight infection: Just like the body can become infected, so, too, can the mind. Every positive, healthy, healing thought and action we can facilitate is like a white blood cell being sent out to fight infection. The more the better.
- Create collagen to form new tissue: As the worsening stops, infection is steadily fought, and healing actions continue—pain will subside and new thought processes will form.
- Let scars heal: The scar might itch and demand more picking at first, but stay disciplined—eventually it will fade. After a few years, the scar may even disappear completely.
The bottom line: the intensity of our desire for pleasurable feelings is proportional to the intensity of our painful feelings. The more we heal our pains, the less we will need those remedies disguised as opposing feelings.
And we’ll finally be able to rip all the band-aids off.