“Boundaries are a part of self-care. They are healthy, normal, and necessary.”
Doreen Virtue, via MoveMe Quotes
Boundaries look different when used by different people in different situations. What they might look like is: ignoring; avoiding; distancing; deliberately not engaging; strategically defusing or redirecting; mindfully reorganizing routes; changing environments; strong, assertive, direct language; etc.
The tough part is that the situations when boundaries need to be deployed are never black-and-white—they’re always gray-and-unique. This is why we need to find as much clarity ahead of time that we can. Answering these questions before your next encounter with a busybody, an ingrate, an egomaniac, a liar, the jealous, or a crank can help:
- What are my limits? How far is too far when it comes to encounters with the above mentioned people?
- How can I stay tuned into my feelings when I’m distracted? Is there a way I can remind myself to put up my boundaries even when I’m emotional or not thinking about them?
- What might I say if I feel cornered? How can I use direct and assertive language?
- What might stop me from deploying my boundaries? Are there un-dealt-with emotions from my past that are enabling these types of above mentioned people in my life?
- Who might help me on this journey? Who is really good at this already that I can model my behavior after and/or seek support from?
- What is the first, most viable step forward I can take? Rather than seeking to perfect this strategy of putting up my boundaries against those types of people, how can I take small steps towards better boundaries instead?
When you answer these questions, you’ll know how to handle the tough situations. The situations that most people don’t spend any time thinking about and resultantly, don’t know how to handle when they arrive.
And one thing is for sure, they will arrive. The question is, will you be ready?