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The full collection of explorations.

Quiet Contentment

Published on April 12, 2023

Below are my answers to yesterday’s inner work prompt questions.

Who can you spend an hour (or several) in silence with—unawkwardly? This past weekend, I drove to Philadelphia, PA with my mom and grandmother to visit my aunt and her family. It’s about a 6 hour drive from where I live and one of the interesting dynamics in the car was that nothing was played through the car’s speakers for the entire ride.

No music, no podcasts, no videos, no radio, no nothing.

It was just me, my mom, and my grandma for 6 hours in the car either talking or sitting in silence. And while there were many great conversations—there was certainly more silence than chat. Yet not a moment, either there or back, that felt awkward to me.

How did you get to that place? I think it was largely through the example that my mom and grandma set. They each have this ability to sit unawkwardly in their own silence and remain perfectly content for the entire duration of a sit and it’s something I noticed and emulated. To take it a step further, I think getting to this place is a byproduct of having completed sufficient inner work.

When you don’t have to drown out an inner noise, distract upsetting thoughts, or entertain a dopamine addicted mind… sitting in presence becomes pleasurable in and of itself.

How might you get to that place inside yourself? One inner work session at a time. Every time you introspectively write, meditatively sit, and/or honestly answer inwardly pointed questions, you get closer to that state of quiet contentment.

…Which is worth every ounce of effort invested.

Towards Unawkward

Published on April 11, 2023

Being able to sit in silence with another person—unawkwardly—is an excellent sign of a strong relationship.

Same for being able to sit unawkwardly with yourself.

Inner work prompt: who can you spend an hour (or several) in silence with—unawkwardly? How did you get to that place? How might you get to that place inside yourself?

Sponging Experience

Published on April 10, 2023

Spend a little time thinking about—and writing about—what happened each day.

This one, small habit will help you absorb exponentially more life experience than only ever thinking about what’s going to (might) happen next.

…Because those who are only ever future focused do little to no absorbing at all.

Absorbing happens when you stop, look back at the mess you made (or what you cleaned) and move the sponge of your mind over it a few times so it’s cleaner/ clearer and more ready for—now—whatever’s coming next.

I can’t tell you how many experiences I’ve had that seemed clear in the moment, but were actually quite foggy and temporary until I spent a little time thinking—and writing—about them.

Sponges work best, not against some future mess, but in response to what’s already there.

On Being Helpful

Published on April 9, 2023

Sometimes the best way to be helpful isn’t to ask how you can be helpful.

…It’s to look for what needs to get done and to get to work helping to get it done.

This is as true when you’re being temporarily hosted by a family member who’s doing it all as it is when you’re being temporarily hosted by this planet who’s being exploited for it all.

P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week, here.

The In-Between Time

Published on April 8, 2023

Before deep inner work can begin, an empty block of time—filled with nothing at all—needs to be present.

What I’m also learning, while visiting family out of town, is that having an empty block of time—filled with nothing at all—is a great strategy for allowing deep inter-relational work to begin.

Having structured activities, sightseeing adventures/tours, and meals planned together is undoubtedly great. But, it seems to me that it is in the in-between time—in the moments where nothing is happening at all—where all the magic happens.

A Lotta Perspective

Published on April 7, 2023

Today, while driving down a narrow, backcountry road, I pulled over as an ambulance (lights flashing) came driving towards me.

To my surprise, this was met with a long BEEEEEEEEP from a driver behind me.

The driver was inaudibly yelling and waving his hands around in a dramatic, flamboyant manner that was obviously trying to communicate a level of upset that simply baffled me.

Like, I literally pulled over for approximately 5 seconds, to let an emergency vehicle more easily pass…?

None-the-less, I continued driving casually only to arrive at the scene of a pretty intense accident not long thereafter—complete with ambulances, police cars, and tow trucks.

The scene took up the entire space of the road that my GPS had me routed to drive through and so what did I do? Signaled, pulled over to the side of the road, and contemplated the scene until I knew what I could safely do.

Not even 1 minute later, what does the guy behind me do? Slam on the gas, screech his bald tires around me, and drift his way into a right turn ahead, while again… inaudibly trying to communicate some infuriated message to me.

Today’s message is a simple one and it comes from what my mom said in response to this driver… what could be so important that you don’t have time (seconds) to pull over for an emergency vehicle or need to floor it around our pulled over car when evidently… somebody right in front of us (or passing us) was quite possibly having the worst day of their life?

Life is hard—I get it. But, sometimes a little compassion can give a lotta perspective.

What to do when you don’t feel like yourself?

Published on April 6, 2023

I think it’s important to first point out that none of us is just one composition of feeling. We are a melting pot of ALL the feelings.

Like a melting pot, when all of the various ingredients (feelings) are getting combined in relatively the same ways… you’ll get relatively the same taste—which becomes what we might consider: feeling like ourself.

When one or more ingredients start to get added disproportionally to the pot, it’ll modify the taste. As is the case when one or more feelings get disproportionately added to our inner state.

The trick then, becomes identifying and reducing the ingredients that are “undesireably” affecting the pot while finding ways to increase the desired ones so as to get the pot back to “normal.”

For example, when cooking, it’s obvious when too much salt has been added to a recipe. A simple solution, is to (1) stop adding more salt and (2) add more of the other ingredients to dilute the power of the salt.

In life, when we feel a rise in an unfamiliar/ uncomfortable feeling, we start by identifying what it is. Once we’ve identified it and can name it, we trace the origin of the feeling to it’s root cause. Then we (1) stop allowing whatever’s causing it to make it worse and (2) add more of the other ingredients that lead to the more desired feelings we’re after.

And soon thereafter (maybe not right away, but soon), you’ll start to slowly feel more like your normal “recipe-d” self.

P.s. I also published: 37 Robert A. Johnson Quotes from Inner Work To Convince You Dreams Aren’t Arbitrary.