Category: Archives

The full collection of explorations.

How To Make A Pond Ripple

Published on March 15, 2024

Pre.S. The following is an elaboration of this post from June 2021.

Where’s the best place to make a pond ripple?

At the pond’s front? To where it’s deepest? Dead in the middle?

Here’s what I think: …There isn’t one.

The ripples from a stone dropped into a pond will ripple outwards regardless of where the stone hits the water. It’s the nature of the water to ripple when the action of the stone hits it.

Now I ask you this: where’s the best place to make a difference in the world?

Answer: there isn’t one.

Right where you are is as good as any.

What you have right where you are—is a pond. One that ripples just as any other pond ripples.

And what each of you reading this have right now—are stones in your hands… or ideas in your head if you want to break from the metaphorical.

And what so many of us do with our stones is… wait.

…Wait until we get to a different or bigger pond… wait until we get a perfectly shaped rock… wait until we time our circumstances or the weather out just right…

And so many of our stones just get left unthrown… stacked in our head… collecting dust… just waiting for the moment when we’ll finally utilize them.

…And we’re not talking about a handful of stones. We’re talking about the equivalent of an ocean’s worth of stones just washing up and down the floor of our mind.

Stones that could cause ripples of kindness, ripples of growth, ripples of hope, ripples of generosity, ripples of strength… if we just trusted ourselves enough to (finally) let them free.

Misfit Inspiration

Published on March 14, 2024

When I finally agreed to play basketball with a new group of guys—I was nervous.

I hadn’t ever played basketball on a team and had no formal training or experience. I rarely watched games or any kind of tutorial video.

All I had was what I learned playing pick-up ball in driveways and parks at various times throughout my life and a pretty solid fitness baseline.

What I saw when I first showed up was a group of guys who were organized and experienced. They were calling picks and plays and communicating things that sounded like a different language to me—and they were all good.

But, of everybody on the court playing, one guy stood out to me.

He was shorter, didn’t have the cleanest technique, and wasn’t the most talented—but he played like he belonged. And later, I came to find out he was one of the group organizers who had been playing for years and years with this squad.

Of everybody on that court, he was the one who inspired me the most. Not the most skilled player; not the best shooter; and not the player who could dunk—but, the player who I could relate to the most.

This was a really important lesson for me. You don’t have to be the best in the game to inspire and you don’t have to be the most talented to play. And even if you don’t look the part—it’s acting the part that makes all the difference.

So to the people out there who are doing things despite mismatching societal norms—thank you. Y’all are far more inspiring than you might ever know.

Picking A “Third Space”

Published on March 13, 2024

Most of us have two consistent spaces in our lives where we get to socialize, experiment, and express ourselves: home and either work or school.

At various times in our lives, there’s a third or fourth space that gives us a chance to further express different sides of our identity. The one that isn’t taking on the role of mother/father/brother/sister/etc or that gets to break free from the role of grade A student or model employee or strict boss. This might have been a local community center, church group, sports team, restaurant/café, shopping center, volunteer organization, etc.

And then at other times in our lives, we lose those third and fourth spaces and slowly allow ourselves to get pigeonholed back into just having two spaces. Or—especially after the pandemic and the rise of remote work—one space only.

The challenge with having only one or two spaces to express yourself and live is that it limits the range of expression of your identity.

I can tell you this first hand. When I’m at home or with my family, I take on my introvert or son/brother identity. When I’m at work, I take on my Martial Arts Instructor/Manager identity.

…But where’s the space for my shooting the crap with friends side of my identity? Or my carefree, speak my mind, unfiltered side? Or my adventurous, exploratory, instigative side?

…I need to actively seek out or create a third or fourth space to honor those sides.

Ask yourself what sides of your identity you’re not giving space to and then reverse engineer your way to a space that honors that type of expression.

…Let your identity stretch its limbs once again.

Dude Smiling [Poem]

Published on March 12, 2024

I saw a stranger walking today
Happy as could be
No company
No AirPods
No screens
Just walking rocking that kind of smile
That makes you turn to philosophy

I stopped at a red light
And thought about what it could possibly be
I know I’m not supposed to
But you know what always helps me?
Writing thinking down
Seeing sparked synapsis—bodily electricity
Decoded into text—something black and white
Or 1’s and 0’s if typed into a machine

Could it be excitement?
Could it be love?
Could it be a happenstance memory?
…Now I’m wondering what that smile meant to me.
When’s the last time I rocked a smile like that?
When’s the last time I overflowed
With excitement, love, or a piece of happy history?

Dude’s got me firing, decoding, creating…
And he didn’t even see me
Don’t ever tell me
You don’t matter
You’re unworthy
That you don’t make a difference to us—to me
When a smile from a stranger
Seen for .5 seconds approximately
Can spark electricity into a poem

One that became a gift for you—from me

P.s. You can read my other poems here.

Meaning via Excited-Mixed-With-Nervous

Published on March 11, 2024

Somebody was sharing today how they were feeling about becoming a parent via adoption.

The synopsis was excited at the prospect, but nervous at the thought of messing it up.

And what occurred to me was how great of a guide that excited/nervous mix is for uncovering meaning in life.

Excited alone isn’t as accurate because it could come from something inconsequential or that’s well within your comfort zone like playing a video game, shopping a sale, or going to bed early.

Nervous alone isn’t as accurate either because it could come from self-sabotaging thoughts or something too far outside of your comfort zone that makes you not do anything at all.

But, the things that you’re excited-mixed-with-nervous about? Those are the things that indicate you’re heading outside of your comfort zone (nervous) in a way that deep down you know you can handle (excited).

When I think about the things that have provided the most meaning for me in my life, this excited/nervous mix was almost always present.

…I think about times when I spoke publicly, taught classes, published vulnerable pieces of work, asked and went out on dates, performed in martial arts competitions, rose into new leadership positions, navigated important/tough conversation landscapes, stood up for what I believed in, started a new business venture and so on.

…Think about the most meaningful moments in your life and I bet you’ll see a similar pattern.

And if you do, remember this moving forward. Excited-only could mean well within your comfort zone. Nervous-only could mean too far outside of it. But, that excited/nervous mix could indicate that you’re on a path that’s just right and you should lean in.

Adding Frequency For (Better) Connection(s)

Published on March 10, 2024

If you’re looking to make new connections, think not only about new things you can do, but things you can do that have frequency associated with them.

It’s significantly more difficult to make a new connection, who you can stay connected with for an ongoing period of time, after only one meeting/ interaction.

It becomes increasingly easier to make that ongoing connection with each additional meeting/interaction opportunity you have with them.

Think about the connections you have in your life right now. How many of them did you meet just once and then got their contact info and then started hanging out with? …And how many of them did you meet through school or work or a sport or a hobby—something that had a frequency associated with it?

I’m willing to bet most of your friends are from the latter group.

And so, moving forward, if you’re feeling lonely and/or like you want to add some new connections to your life, think about what you can add to your schedule that has an ongoing frequency that also brings a reoccurring group of people to it.

Things like:

Sport Leagues
Book Clubs
Poetry Reading Series
Craft Workshops
Skill Building Classes
And so on…

And stop beating yourself up about not making new connections from things like:

Bars
Clubs
Concerts
Hikes
Festivals
And so on…

…And as an added bonus, remember that the best approach, paradoxically, is to go into these opportunities for connection with the intention of connecting better with yourself. Do things that you’re excited to do; that you look forward to doing; that you want to tell people about…

…The connection(s) will almost always take care of itself/themselves.

Gifting Your Presence

Published on March 9, 2024

Today, I caught one of my martial arts kids praising and saying hello/goodbye to other kids by name, completely unprompted.

“Hi, Ben!”

“Arm Shake?”

“Great job today, Alkalifah!”

“High 5!”

“See you later, Jackson.”

While this doesn’t sound like anything profound, what I usually see are kids completely consumed in their own worlds. Playing on screens, fixing their clothes, playing with toys, asking parents for money, picking out things they want in the pro-shop, etc.

…Which, if I’m being honest, is what I see from many (most) adults, too.

For a student to come in so present minded, and to have such an outward attention to the people in his environment, and to take the time to acknowledge them by name and say nice things is nothing short of profound if you ask me.

And if that’s something more of us adults could do, too, I’d say that’d be a pretty remarkable thing worth aiming for and celebrating as well.