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Category: Archives

The full collection of explorations.

Questions To Snap You Back To Happiness

Published on November 6, 2023

The following was inspired by Claudia Dawson and a Duke University study on Happiness via Recommendo.

First, here’s the Duke University study findings:

(Click here if you can’t see the above infographic).

Next, here’s what Claudia Dawson so brilliantly recommended based on these findings…

“I’ve found the quickest way to dispel unhappiness is to ask myself introspective questions to find the source. Based on these 8 factors of happiness, I would ask myself: 

  • Am I feeling suspicion and resentment? 
  • Am I living in the past (or in the future)? 
  • Am I wasting time and energy fighting conditions I can’t change? 
  • Am I isolating myself or withdrawing from the world? 
  • Am I indulging in self-pity?
  • Am I expecting too much of myself? 

…I then continue the line of questioning to gain more self-awareness or I pivot to an easy gratitude practice, like listing 10 things that make me happy on my fingers. This usually gets me out of my head and back to the present moment, as well as in alignment with the values and experiences that make me happy.”

Finally, here’s my take:

The thing about thinking is that so much of it is done unconsciously (like 99%?). As in, we have no idea that we’re bathing in self-pity, replaying the past, cancelling plans so we can “introvert,” comparing ourselves to the greats, nurturing suspicion, etc…

Don’t take the above insights or questions lightly—this is life-changing stuff. Print / write it all down and display it in a place where you’ll see it regularly.

This way, it’ll snap you out of undesirable (unconscious) thought patterns and back to the place where happiness is much more likely to be found.

Easy Swaps For Exponential Gains

Published on November 5, 2023

Imagine this: you take the most wasteful 20/30/60 minutes of your day and made them into some of your most productive 20/30/60 minutes instead.

By wasteful, I mean adding no value to your current or future state.

And by productive, I mean the opposite.

Which, isn’t to stress you out with the idea of needing to work / focus / do more.

It’s a strategy to help you do the opposite.

So, instead of 20/30/60 minutes of media scrolling… what if you swapped that for an easy 20/30/60 minutes of meditative reflecting?

Instead of 20/30/60 minutes of trying to refocus after preventable distractions… what if you swapped that for an easy 20/30/60 minutes of Do Not Disturb mode, over the ear headphones, and undisturbed work?

Instead of snoozing your morning alarm for 20/30/60 minutes each morning… what if you forced yourself up right away and went to bed 20/30/60 minutes earlier instead?

Heck, what if you swapped the 20/30/60 minutes of most unproductive work-time of your day and simply sat there in silence and meditated instead?

Small changes like this are what lead to exponential long-term results. Don’t get all grandiose and try to get all of the productivity squeezed from your days right now and all up front.

Be patient. Make small meaningful changes. And keep collecting dividends on that investment for years to come.

P.s. My guide on building self-improvement habits into your life—for life (minus the hustle)—can definitely help with this.

The Real Modern Day Dilemma

Published on November 4, 2023

So much to do and so little time.

…It’s the modern day dilemma.

Yet, so much of what we do consumes far more time than it should / needs to.

This is the real modern day dilemma.

How much time do you spend scrolling aimlessly through timelines hoping for entertainment / dopamine hits?

How much time do you spend trying to refocus after completely preventable distractions?

How much time do you spend simply trying to wake up in the morning?

The modern day dilemma isn’t one of having too much to do… it’s one of having too much that we can do and a lack of focus / discipline to get done what needs to get done based on a clear priority.

So, before you go complaining about needing more hours in your day… aim to make the hours you do have more efficient.

Don’t ask for more if you’re not already fully utilizing / being wasteful with what you already have.

Inner work prompt: before you say “so much to do and so little time” ask yourself what you’re doing that you don’t have to do. Ask yourself what tasks you can trade back in for the time they take instead. Ask yourself how you can change the phrase to “just enough to do with plenty of time.”

Relationship Advice From A Single Guy

Published on November 3, 2023

I attended a wedding today.

At the venue, there was a Jenga set up with sharpies scattered around and a note on display saying “Leave your words of advice for the newlyweds here.”

Next to me was a good friend who joking said, “You can’t write anything—you’re single!”

The thing about relationships though, that I was thinking about after the fact, is that you don’t need to be in a relationship to give relationship advice per se. Because even us single folk have a ton of experience managing the relationship we have with the person more important than any spouse or soulmate… the one we have with ourself.

If you’re mindful of your inner landscape, are consistently trying to find ways to improve that landscape, and are reflective towards the ups and downs and how to keep moving forward in spite of it all… the insight you gain can be just as valuable—if not more so—than the insight you might gain from being mindful of another person’s inner landscape, the strategies you’ve found that can help improve that other person’s inner workings, and the reflections you might’ve gained from the relationship’s ups and downs along the way.

After all, one of the best indicator’s of a relationship’s success—between two people—is the success of the relationship each person has with him/herself.

…Or maybe I’m just some naive single guy who has no idea what he’s talking about.

But, I digress.

P.s. If you’re wondering what I wrote on the Jenga piece (I obviously wrote something)—I said: “Like Jenga, all great things are built one brick at a time… never forget to keep laying bricks.”

Friend To Chosen Family

Published on November 2, 2023

How does the transition from friend to “part of my chosen family” happen?

Is it sudden or gradually?

I think a case could be made for both instances.

But, one thing I observed tonight at my friend’s dad’s celebration of life is that there are key moments where the transition is undoubtedly solidified.

Like when my friend’s employee made the extra effort to fly from Florida to New York just to be there.

Or when a young women I met, after having met my friend and his girlfriend at a restaurant they attended frequently as their waitress and who slowly became their friend, spent time alone in the hospital with my friend’s dad right before he passed—just to bust his chops (as she always did) and maybe lift his spirit.

Or even as I noticed the way my friend was talking to me throughout the night… in how it felt like his gratitude and conversational points were coming from a much deeper place than they normally would.

The point to reflect on is this: if you only ever meet people when it’s fun, light-hearted, and convenient… you’ll only ever get so close. But, if you meet people as a family member would… through the good times and the bad; when it’s sunny and when it’s rainy; when it’s convenient and when it’s not… it’s only a matter of time before family is how people start to perceive you.

P.s. Day 4: Took an extra few minutes to express just how beautifully done the celebration of life was for my friend’s dad.

Growth via Messing Around

Published on November 1, 2023

This morning, Facebook memories resurfaced an old video of me performing a bo (staff) combo in casual clothes after a casual training session that blew me away.

It was so creatively different than so much of what’s being performed in the martial arts school I teach at these days.

And what’s interesting about this clip is that even though it was 4 years ago, I distinctly remember this particular training session.

A couple martial arts students asked if I wanted to have a Sunday session, I agreed, we went to the school, blasted good music, and just messed around and fed off each other’s energy for several hours.

…We started by training what we knew.

…We continued by doing variations of what we knew—oftentimes either hating or hurting ourselves with the results (I’ve whacked my hands and head with my bo more times than you’ve probably ever touched a bo).

…We were oftentimes inspired by the variations done by our training comrades.

And we ended up with a few interesting ideas that we then chained back together with what we knew coming into the session… which left us with an upgraded skillset that prompted the above video and this share.

This is how growth works.

A willingness to try. A chunk of undisrupted time. And the ability to keep trying in spite of the hate and hurt.

…Bonus points, of course, if you have a good playlist and aligned company.

P.s. Day 3: I was able to personally thank a gentlemen who occasionally texts out an uplifting thought in the mornings to a group of aligned and opted-in friends.

We’re All Gray

Published on October 31, 2023

We humans are incredibly multifaceted and complex beings.

Because of this, when looking at other human beings and in an attempt to make sense of them and their actions, we tend to oversimplify them as a whole and categorize them into neat, little boxes.

We say this person is “good” and that person is “bad.”

We say person A is “right” and person B is “wrong.”

We talk about people in “black-and-white” terms when the reality is… we’re all gray.

Just because someone doesn’t agree with you or can’t commit to an unwavering level of support or give back just as much or more than you give them… doesn’t mean they can’t add value to your life.

Sometimes it’s the ones who disagree with us who teach us the most about what we believe (because we have to better understand the argument from new perspectives)…

Sometimes it’s the people who aren’t committed or supportive who make for great conversationalists (because they aren’t scared to say something in disagreement with you)…

And it’s the people who maybe don’t give back as much as you give them who keep us humble, grounded, and reminded that transactional giving isn’t really giving at all.

Maybe if we stopped making hyper generalizations about people based on one narrow aspect of their personality, belief system, or character… we’d have a much better time building connections and spend much less of our time watching bridges burn along our way.

P.s. Day 2: Today, I made it a point to thank the 40+ people who showed up to the adult martial arts class I taught tonight. The energy and camaraderie was incredible.