Category: Archives

The full collection of explorations.

Most People Get Step 1 Wrong

Published on October 18, 2024

You at your absolute best isn’t something that just happens.

It’s something you need to reverse engineer your way to.

And step 1 isn’t to start a new diet or hit an insane workout.

Step 1 is to figure out what you at your absolute best looks and feels like.

Most people have a vague idea that’s painted abstractly in the back of their mind that’s clouded over by unrelated, distractionary, impeding monkey-mind thoughts. And upon closer inspection, most people just have a cut and pasted montage of other people from across the internet who appear to be living their best life that looks good enough for them.

…And what I think is this isn’t good enough for you.

In fact, I’m of the mindset that you can’t even begin to sculpt the image or feel of your absolute best self until you’ve traversed the landscape of your mind from the forefront—where it’s clouded and filled with unrelenting monkey mind thoughts—to the back… where the unfinished sculpture stands.

Once you understand this, you realize it takes 10, 20, maybe even 30 minutes of undistracted inner travel before you can even begin to work on the look and feel of your absolute best self.

Cutting magazine pictures, saving social media images, and watching short form videos can be helpful—but it’s superficial. And the idea of them goes away when they go away (and you’re back to monkey mind).

Sculpting takes quality time—and sculpting is exactly what the process of realizing your absolute best self should look and feel like. Lengthy mental commutes, tough chiseling decisions, an ongoing/ hard-to-finish project… that becomes more meaningful and real every visit.

A Whole New Lease

Published on October 17, 2024

I finished paying my car off last month.

This is my first month without a car payment in years.

And, like clockwork, I downloaded the cars app and started browsing new cars.

I don’t need a new car. I’m in an excellent position with my current car. It’s an excellent brand in excellent condition and is expected to continue running excellently for years and years to come.

…And yet, I still had that urge to search for upgrades.

To get something newer, with fewer miles, that’s all electric…

Something that might not even cost me that much if I get a good enough price for my car and a good enough deal on a new one…

…Isn’t it interesting how that works?

How excited and thrilled and fully satisfied we feel at the outset…

And then how all of a sudden, once we own that thing or have used it for a while, something changes inside…

Because it isn’t the thing that changes—not really at least.

It’s something else that changes that’s actually completely within our control…

And that thing is… our perspective.

And my current thought to myself is, if I can do some inner work to change my perspective back… to appreciate my car like it was my first month with it once again, it’ll be as though I’m taking out a whole new lease on my car—without taking on any kind of new lease at all (which is my favorite kind of lease).

…Which is how it works for taking out a whole new lease on life, too.

Gandhi on Asking A Child To Stop Eating Sugar

Published on October 16, 2024

A woman once came to Gandhi with her child, concerned about her child’s habit of eating too much sugar.

Knowing how much her child respected Gandhi, she asked him, ‘Could you please tell my daughter to stop eating sugar?’

Gandhi listened and then replied, ‘Please come back in two weeks.’

The woman and her child returned two weeks later.

This time, Gandhi simply told the child, ‘Please do not eat sugar.’

Grateful, the mother thanked him, but she couldn’t help asking, ‘Why did we need to wait two weeks for you to say that?’

Gandhi said, ‘Two weeks ago, I was eating sugar.’“

Inner work prompt: What are you asking others to do that you aren’t doing yourself? Ask yourself: how can I get to a place where I can say what I want others to do without saying a word.

Do What Works—Not What’s Supposed To Work

Published on October 15, 2024

Your meditations, mantras, principles, ideals, self-improvement practices, etc. are only as good as what they’re able to get you to actually do.

In other words:

Your meditation is only as good as the amount of time it helps you to stay present.
Your mantras are only as good as the mindsets they’re able to keep you in.
Your principles are only as good as the actions they remind you to take and abstain from.
Your ideals are only as good as the life destinations they’re able to actually keep in the forefront of your mind.
Your self-improvement practices are only as good as the growth they’re able to yield over an extended period of time.

Said differently yet again, whatever works—in their ability to help you deal with life challenges—is what you should keep working.

…Not what the most popular influencer says you should do; not what the world’s best athlete recommends; not what your bff swears by… what works.

Which isn’t to say you shouldn’t try what you’re inspired to try.

It’s merely to say, trust what has a history of getting done—not just once or for a short sprint of time… but time and again over a longer period of time… a period of time that matches the amount of time you’ll be met with challenges from life…

Making Frustrations Bigger

Published on October 14, 2024

As I reflect on my day, I realize I spent a large portion of it feeling frustrated.

…For reasons I believe justify those feelings of frustration.

But I also recognize, in retrospect, that the more I justified those feelings throughout the day, the worse the frustration got.

…And that felt to me, for this specific set of circumstances, like a bigger mistake than the ones that were made that led to my frustration in the first place.

If it is what it is… then I simply need to do what can be done.

Making frustrations bigger doesn’t make problems any smaller.

The Good Ol’ Days

Published on October 13, 2024

After basketball today, a friend shared a story of how he used to ball from 9am – 1am when he was younger. He was talking about how—in the good ol’ days—he’d get woken up at 9am by neighborhood friends, play in his driveway for a few hours, then go to the park and play for a few more, then go to a different park and play a few more, and so forth until eventually he’d make his way back home and play until he wasn’t allowed to anymore.

In the afternoon, while hanging out with my family, my aunt was telling us how she’s going to get a knee injection and how, if that doesn’t work, she may need to get a full knee replacement. She was sharing with us how she simply can’t wait to get back to a place where she can walk and not be in unbearable pain.

During dinner tonight, while eating a fantastic bowl of Phö, my little sister—who’s not really my sister but pretty much is—was reminiscing about the good ol’ days when we used to have the OG squad over for Phö nights and we’d eat around the table together, play games, watch movies, and hang out for hours and hours on end… and how she missed those times.

Ah, the good ol’ days…

We all can think back to experiences that we miss.

But just as Yesterday’s You didn’t realize they were living in what Future You would consider “the good ol’ days,” so is it true that Today’s You probably doesn’t realize that you’re living in what Tomorrow’s You will consider “the good ol’ days” right now.

6 Out Of 10

Published on October 12, 2024

I taught a Women’s Self-Defense class this past Wednesday.

It’s a free event designed to equip, empower, and prepare the women of our community to protect themselves against bigger, stronger, and faster assailants.

I’ll teach fundamental self-defense strategies, effective strikes from a variety of positions, and how to properly respond against chokes, grabs, bear hugs, etc—all while being surrounded by a respectful, uplifting community of supportive women.

I’ve been leading this session for years and have settled (remember this word) into a curriculum that I feel really good about.

At the end of this past week’s session, I handed out anonymous feedback forms where participants can rate the class on a scale of 1-10 and provide written feedback on what they liked, didn’t like, and what they would’ve liked to do more/less of.

Most of the reviews I’ve gotten since starting these forms have been 10s with the occasional 9. One person, however, after this past session rated it a 6 out of 10.

And here’s what I noticed in myself after seeing that:

A defensive/emotional mental rise: how could they have given that session a 6 out of 10?!
A deliberate attempt to forget about that rating—as if it wasn’t submitted.
A bubbling back up of the rating in my mind every so often, unconsciously.
An acceptance with the rating once I calmed down and put it into perspective.
Active brainstorming on what I’m going to do differently/better for the next one.

…And it’s that last line that’s so key.

Beneath the emotional responses are buried opportunities. Opportunities that, if discovered with enough patience and deliberate inner work, can (finally) take you from “settled” to still evolving.