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Category: Archives

The full collection of explorations.

Drop And Give Me 20!

Published on July 20, 2021

When I was a Martial Arts student, my teachers would give the entire class push-ups for the wrong-doings of a single student.

I hated being punished for things I didn’t do that were also out of my control. It made me resent them in many cases.

So, I resolved to never do that to a class when I became a teacher (Yes, I knew I wanted to be a Martial Arts teacher long before I ever was).

Now, the motto that I have worked tirelessly to embody is praise publicly, reprimand privately.

No longer is the attention of the class pointed towards the students’ wrongdoing—now it’s pointed towards the students who are doing things right. And the students who are doing wrong get a private conversation from a more experienced instructor who can compassionately help them understand and change their behaviors.

Had I not felt that resentment and planted that seed in my mind when I was a student all those year ago, maybe I never would have felt the need to change that tradition when I was in front of a class (with misbehaving students) all those later years.

You can learn just as much from the people who do wrong by you as you can from the people who do right by you.

You just have to keep an open mind and learn how to channel your negative emotions rather than let your negative emotions become you.

Filling Someone Else’s Void

Published on July 19, 2021

Rather than think about who you didn’t have in your life, think about who you could be in someone else’s life.

There is a particularly strong opportunity for this in the spaces where you were hurt the most by the people who you wish were there the most.

Why? Because you know just how much it hurts.

And there are plenty of people out there who are hurting just as much—if not more—from a similar type of absence.

And, just think, you could be the one who fills that void.

The Paradox Of Beliefs And Actions

Published on July 17, 2021

When we’re worried, we look for things to worry about.

When we’re angry, we look for things to be angry about.

When we’re irritable, we look for things to be irritated about.

The same follows for beliefs, too.

When we believe we’re stuck, we look for reasons to confirm our stuck-ness.

When we believe we’re victims, we look for reasons to confirm our victimhood.

When we believe we’re worthless, we look for reasons to confirm our worthlessness.

Our beliefs dictate our actions. We certainly don’t instinctually act in opposition to our beliefs. However, our actions are precisely what dictate our beliefs.

Here’s the thing: if you can figure out how to act in opposition to the beliefs that don’t serve you—you will have figured out the key to changing your beliefs altogether.

Anger Is Temporary Madness

Published on July 16, 2021

I reiterate: temporary madness.

Give it some space. Take some time away from the situation. Become sane again.

Let the haze of emotion settle so that what’s left is rational action.

Then, in your normal, non-maddened state—respond.

Remember, step 1 to solving any problem is: don’t make things worse than they need to be.

And acting in anger—in madness—almost always trashes step 1.

Go Back To Idle

Published on July 15, 2021

“When in trouble, just let go. Go back to idle.”

Delia Owens, Where The Crawdads Sing (Page 41)

When you get yourself in trouble, it implies you’ve crossed a line; broken a rule; done harm.

Which further implies that there were faults in your mindset that led to faulty actions.

When the momentum of those decisions causes you to cross a line, break a rule, or do harm—the worse thing you can do is maintain that momentum.

Stop. Let go. Go back to idle.

Carefully inspect your thought process. Sit. Breathe. Adjust. Choose new actions; better actions.

Then, and only then, should you start again.

Your “Just Right” Crowd

Published on July 14, 2021

When I was growing up, life for me was football in the street, wresting on lawns, basketball in driveways, and expeditions to the corner store for 50 cent mega-freezie pops.

I don’t remember much about school or homework and I didn’t really participate in any extracurricular activities. All I remember thinking about was getting back outside and picking up where we left off the day before—right before the streetlights came on and it was time to go home.

Playing with the kids on my block was the focal point of my life.

Each of them challenged me in unique ways. Some made me want to be faster and more athletic. Some made me want to stand taller and speak louder. Others made me want to be more understanding and witty.

Of course, it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. We had our fair share of arguments and more-than-play-fights. But, that’s what came with the territory. We were active, competitive, emotional, rowdy, and inexperienced. It always turned out okay though because, without even knowing it, we challenged each other “just right”—“goldilocks” right.

Too easy and I wouldn’t have had a reason to work hard, deliberately focus, or persevere. Too hard and I wouldn’t have bothered trying in the first place. Without them, skill building wouldn’t have ever even been on my mind—I probably would have just binged on TV instead.

That period of my life laid the foundation for my character that I still take pride in today.

The truth of the story is this: if we want to develop optimally, we have to find ways to challenge ourselves “just right.” As the kids on my block did for me whenever we played. As the people in your life can do for you as soon as you find your “just right” crowd, too.

The Ocean Of Emotion Within

Published on July 13, 2021

Deep within each of us is an ocean.

An ocean of emotion collected over a lifetime of exchanges that sits at the core of our being.

When suppressed, our emotions, as water, run their way down our inner landscape from the heights of our conscious mind to the deepest parts of our subconscious. From the top of the clouds to the bottom of the ocean. From source to storage.

And with that storage comes a heaviness, like the ocean, that can’t be denied.

Many people look at that heaviness as a burden. As a collection of undesired, painful emotions that do nothing but weigh them down and cause them suffering.

But, what if I told you that all of that emotional water that you’ve collected was the very substance required to sustain and nourish inner life?

What if I told you that what the arid, drying, and dying landscape of your mind was craving was some of the very water that you backwardly have been suppressing and vilifying?

What if that ocean of water wasn’t a burden at all? What if it was the very source of your power, your insight, your wisdom, your creativity, your individuality—your life?

What if all you had to do was tap into it, like a well, and start pumping the water out to both nourish surrounding life and alleviate the weight that’s been holding you down?