The full collection of explorations.
Speeding up when you’re busy is like:
When you’re busy, unlocking productivity happens from slowing down.
Not the opposite.
It can be easy to take our loved ones for granted.
Especially when they seamlessly become a part of our daily lives.
Like running water, our internet connection, and the roof over our heads—we soon enough just expect them to be there when we wake up in the morning.
And the more that becomes the expectation—the less gratitude we’re likely to show.
Until eventually, we show no gratitude at all.
Until suddenly, we start letting stupid small things take control of our minds and turn what was once gratitude for wonderful miracles into generally misguided feelings of spite, frustration, and disregard.
And for no other reason than because we forgot.
And slowly, slowly—our forgetfulness becomes the very reason that fresh love turns stale.
Just as surely as the fresh fruit that sits in our fridge for too long will go stale—so too will the unattended relationships.
We must learn to keep breathing fresh life into what’s at risk of expiring.
Because love, no matter how strong it starts out, can always become stale with time.
Falling in love is easy.
Staying in love—well, that’s the hard part.
This morning, I was introduced to The 5 Languages of Love and was deeply moved.
Understanding each of these languages will undoubtedly make staying in love—easier. They are:
I. Words of Affirmation: Language in its raw form, we have to genuinely express the things we love about our loved one. Love unexpressed isn’t love at all.
II. Quality Time: What we give the weight of our attention to is indicative of where our true priorities lie. Even if what’s being shared with us isn’t of interest to us. We have to learn how to make what’s important to them, as important to us, as they are to us.
III. Receiving Gifts: Being able to give a gift effectively shows that time was spent thinking and preparing something specifically for them while we weren’t with them. What’s important isn’t the price of the gift. What’s important is how much heart we put into preparing it. Which always shows.
IV. Acts of Service: Giving with the expectation of receiving in return isn’t giving at all—it’s a transaction. This is not what we’re talking about. We’re talking about giving for the sake of giving. We’re talking about committing random acts of service. Because doing a chore, task, or favor without being asked to and without any spite or expectation—is love in its purest form.
V. Physical Touch: Hugging, kissing, caressing, squeezing, holding, massaging, embracing, soothing, etc. These are all explicit demonstrations of our love. Which are just as important as each of the above mentioned implicit demonstrations.
Take time each day to feel your lover’s presence, too.
Optimization is the last step of any process.
Be it building a house, starting a business, creating a new habit etc.—the fine tuning should never happen first.
In today’s world, optimization is an obsession.
Many of us are constantly on the hunt for (and are being bombarded with) optimization “hacks,” fine-tuning tricks, and hot trends that can produce any kind of measurable result.
But, without the foundation set—without the “big” things already in place—it’s ultimately just wasted time.
It’s like trying to optimize a lump of coal. You can try to clean, cut, and polish it all you want—it’ll still end up mostly as it started—coal.
If, however, you subjected that lump of coal to enough time under pressure, it’ll eventually transform into a diamond.
And diamond is what gets optimized.
Sometimes you have to sacrifice doing what you want so you can do what you should.
Not making that sacrifice means prioritizing wants over shoulds.
If that’s you, don’t be surprised when the people who do make that sacrifice get ahead.
You can’t have it both ways.
Underneath all of the loud, invasive, and pushy mental chatter is a voice that’s quiet, subtle, and powerful beyond measure.
That quiet voice is our authentic, “capital S” Self.
The loud, obnoxious voice is our Ego.
The Ego is hyper-comparative, is easily manipulated by outside influences, and desperately seeks control over the mind.
The Self is comparison-resistant, requires a deep impression for change from an outside source, and (fundamentally speaking) is the mind underneath all of the noise from the Ego.
It is as though the Self is the news of the world and the Ego is the news network that reports primarily for ratings.
Let the Ego take control and you get never ending BREAKING NEWS cycles, short-lived (and quickly irrelevant) urgent stories, and “if it bleeds it leads.”
Let the Self guide you and you get deeply insightful stories, long-lived “evergreen” type content, and “the truth will set you free.”
The interplay between these two forces is ever-present and plays a significant role in how we experience daily life.
The Ego, when left unattended, will operate exclusively for ratings. And all ratings without a depth of content makes for a very superficial, flaky news network.
The Self, without the presence of an Ego, will operate exclusively for depth and truth. Which has its own drawbacks. Because all depth and no ratings (appeal to an audience) makes for a very small time news network.
The ideal is a type of harmonious relationship between the two.
We start by building a solid foundation of truth, identity, and understanding of the Self and then use the Ego (without letting it use us) to serve those truths in powerful, appealing ways.