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Category: Archives

The full collection of explorations.

Before You Commit

Published on May 9, 2022

Before you commit to a serious relationship, check how this person:

  1. Treats others who can’t do anything for them.
  2. Acts/reacts when they’re angry/upset.
  3. Responds to boundaries.

Of course everything is great when everything is great.

To really get to know the person you’re talking to, see how everything is when things get challenged.

Because life is challenging more often than it’s not and the last thing you want is to be stuck solving problems with somebody who acts the opposite of how they do when everything is great.

Where Building Better Boundaries Starts:

Published on May 7, 2022 
Less busy.
More nothing.

Less obligation.
More curiosity.

Less FOMO.
More J(oy)OMO.

Less holding on.
More letting go.

Less running around.
More sitting still.

Less reluctant “Yeses.”
More respectful “Nos.”

Less mindless reacting.
More mindful muting.

Less settling for less.
More patience for better.

Less free access to you.
More value-driven exchanges with you.

Less "I'll fix it for you."
More "This is yours to fix."

Less notifications.
More Do Not Disturb mode.

Less: "I always answer right away."
More: "I'll reply when I'm ready."

Less information consuming.
More information digesting.

Less “hard stops” with family.
More “hard stops” with work.

Less being tolerant of toxicity.
More being adamant about access.

Less getting pushed around.
More of what pulls you around.

Less: "I don't want anyone to get angry."
More: "It's okay if others get angry."

Less of what others added to your to-do list.
More of what you added to your to-do list.

Less rescuing people from their drama.
More allowing people to experience natural consequences.

Less: "It's my job to micromanage and helicopter."
More: "It's not my job to think, feel, or live for others."

Less following people to compare yourself against.
More befriending people whom you can improve with.

Reminder: the only people who will get upset with you adding these types of boundaries to your life are the ones who benefited from you not having them before.

They are precisely the people whom you need to protect yourself against.

Want To Slow Down Time?

Published on May 6, 2022

Eliminate all distractions and just sit.

No screens. No audio. No people.

Just sit and soak in the world.

You’d be amazed at how different 30 minutes feels.

Confidence Formula

Published on May 5, 2022

Confidence is success remembered.

If you define success as getting a standing ovation after a TED Talk, then you’re going to have confidence issues.

If you define success as doing something that’s a little more than what you did before, then growing confidence will hardly be an issue.

With that in mind, here’s your formula: own your definition of success + make collecting “successes” a regular priority = watch your confidence grow.

Your Mental Home

Published on May 4, 2022

Fact: people will try to use you for selfish gains.

It’s up to YOU to use boundaries to stop them.

Remember: what you tolerate is what will continue.

Don’t tolerate selfish behavior. Draw lines. Say, “No.” Make rules.

Give yourself permission to protect your mental space at the expense of other people’s comfort. Their comfort isn’t your top priority—your mental space is (should be).

Your mental space is your most precious home.

And just as you’re selective with who you invite into the walls of your physical home, so too should you be selective with who you invite into the walls of your mental home.

It’s your job to invite the right guests in, to show the wrong guests out, and to know when it’s time to have no guests at all.

It’s never your job to be anybody’s doormat.

You are the door. They have to knock/call. They have to ask permission/get invited. They have to be respectful and courteous. And they have to add value to the relationship within the time that’s shared.

Otherwise, thanks for coming over, but I have to get back to protecting my mental space now.

…Maybe said a little less bluntly?

You get the idea.

This is how you turn your mental house into your mental home.

Can You Hear Your Heart?

Published on May 3, 2022

The heart speaks in whispers.

The world YELLS IN ALL CAPS!!

If we don’t find ways to separate ourselves from the YELLS—we’ll never hear the whispers.

Self-Discipline vs. Self-Control

Published on May 2, 2022

“Deciding to stop eating sweets and to start eating vegetables are separate psychological functions. The first takes self-control. The second takes self-discipline. You can easily succeed at one and fail at the other. They aren’t the same process!”

Dr. Julia-Marie O’Brien

Self-discipline says “Go,” even when you don’t want to—to do what you know you have to.

Self-control says “No,” even when you might want to say “Yes”—to stop you from doing something you know you shouldn’t.

In the same way self-discipline is built by breaking down seemingly large tasks into manageable chunks (to make “going” easier)—self-control is built by preemptively mitigating temptations before they turn into uncontrollably large ones (to make saying “No” easier).

If improving self-discipline follows a big to small format:

  • Step 1: Identify the big task that you know needs to get done—that comes from a deep place.
  • Step 2: Make doing the task easy (so it can be done even on the hard days)—by breaking it down into smaller, simpler, easier to remember tasks.
  • Step 3: Go—ideally at times when your energy levels are highest.

Then improving self-control might follow a small to big format:

  • Step 1: Identify the small cravings/desires as they arrive—be mindful of regular patterns.
  • Step 2: Make mitigating those cravings/desires easy—have a plan in place (e.g. if I get a craving for something sweet, then I’ll have peanut butter and a protein bar).
  • Step 3: Stop—ideally at times when you’re cravings/desires are at their lowest.

While these two words might seem interchangeable, this key difference in these psychological processes should be understood if we hope to improve upon them.