Category: Archives

The full collection of explorations.

The Crux Of The Climb

Published on May 20, 2021

The goal of rock climbing—whether indoors or out—is to reach the summit of a formation or the endpoint of a usually pre-defined route without falling. In most cases, there isn’t just one way to accomplish this. In fact, each climber usually tackles the problem in their own unique ways with various changes in grip, stance, position, weight distribution, technique, style, etc. But, what’s universal on every route is the presence of a crux.

The crux is a particular point of difficulty. It’s the “make-it-or-break-it” point on the route. It’s the point where most climbers fail. Sometimes the challenge is the technique that’s called for. Sometimes it’s the strength that’s required. Sometimes it’s the athleticism and coordination that’s needed. If one of those areas is lacking, the climber will fall—there is no skipping over the crux.

The same is true for our climbs in life. Along the various routes that we’re on—career/family/love—there are going to be crux points. Particular points of difficulty that will require more of us than the rest of the climb has and maybe will. This is where we need to particularly focus our attention, energy, and effort.

Those moments when you don’t feel like doing what you know needs to get done? Crux point. That time at the party when someone offers you a drink, but you’ve been sober for 90 days? Crux point. The days when you wake up feeling groggy and heavy and don’t want to workout even though you’ve got a streak going? Crux point.

These moments aren’t going to require an average, everyday effort. They’re going to require a person’s best effort. Some situations might call for more advanced techniques, others might ask for extra strength, and others might require more coordinated plans of attack and strategies. Those who don’t show up ready, will fall. Those who come prepared will cross and get to carry on towards their summit.

Thoughts On Handling “Heavy” Days

Published on May 19, 2021

Do you ever get those days that just feel, heavy? That’s how the past few days have felt for me. I’m not quite sure why. Nothing obvious seems to be triggering it and I can’t seem to easily shake it. My instinct is to fight it or vilify it because it’s an undesired feeling, but maybe there’s a better way.

After thinking about it more deeply, it seems to me that vilifying an emotion is exactly what turns an emotion into a villain. After all, if it’s seen as a villain, called a villain, treated like a villain, and thrown aggressively into the darkness like a villain—how could it not become a villain? Maybe a better approach would be to allow it. To give it space. To let it move when it arrives. To give it the light of consciousness rather than the darkness of ignorance. To treat it with compassion.

Think about it. What happens when you choose to fight a passing by emotion? It’s precisely what causes it to stop in its tracks, put up its guard, and throw down against you and your will.

And it’s not like there are any “emotional police” who can come to break up the fight. It’s a battle to knockout or submission. And if one beats the other, then what? Hand shakes, inner peace, and lightness? I’d argue that the more likely outcome is resentment, begrudging, and spiraled darkness. And so the recurring battle against “heaviness” is born.

I believe that fighting an emotion—any emotion—will only negatively magnify it. Allowing an emotion to move is how it passes. Maybe this is why the “light” days seem to pass so quickly? You give them the space, path, light, and compassion to move comfortably forward and with ease—and so they do. Maybe that’s exactly what we need to do for our “heavy” days, too?

The Problem With Forcing Yourself Into New Habits

Published on May 18, 2021

“When you have to, you find an excuse. When you want to, you find a way.”
Mustafa Khundmiri, Twitter

One mistake people make when trying to adopt new habits is they try to force themselves into new behaviors rather than ease themselves into them. While we certainly have to force ourselves to do things sometimes—forcing isn’t a good long-term strategy.

Eventually, forcing leads to resentment and resentment leads quickly to excuses. Sick? Excuse. Tired? Excuse. Busy? Excuse. Stubbed toe? Excuse. The wind blew differently? Excuse. To the person uninterested in doing the work—who resents the work—anything can (and usually will) be made into an excuse.

To the person interested in doing the work, however, anything can happen and an alternative is always sought and usually found. Sick? Alternative. Tired? Indomitable spirit. Busy? Not for top priorities. Stubbed toe? Got nine other fully functional ones. Wind blew wrong? Stop being ridiculous.

When you ease yourself into new habits, for the right reasons, you drastically change your relationship with the accompanying behaviors. Rather than the behaviors being something you resent and have to force yourself to do, they can become something you actually enjoy and look forward to doing.

Think about one healthy habit that you already have incorporated into your life that you most look forward to. We all have at least one. Then, think about why. From there, think about how you can incorporate another healthy habit that mimics those reasons. And ease yourself into a more enjoyable lifestyle in a more enjoyable way.

Milestones In What (Later) Feels Like Minutes

Published on May 15, 2021

I distinctly remember times when I would look out of my middle school classroom window and think to myself, “Wow—before I know it, I’m going to be in high school.”

And years later, when I would think back on that thought in high school, I would again think to myself, “Wow—at this rate, before I know it, I’m going to be graduating college.”

And in what felt like the blink of an eye, there I was walking across the graduation stage. I even remember thinking shortly thereafter, “Wow—pretty soon it will have been 10 years since I’ve graduated college.”

And that’s the milestone that I just hit this month. And here I am thinking to myself again, “Wow—pretty soon I’ll be finishing up my 30s and moving into a whole new decade.”

The thought of time going by that fast scares me. But, it also drives me to make every moment worthwhile while I’m here—in my 30s. Because before I know it, in what will surely feel like the blink of an eye, I’ll be turning 40 and once again in awe of how fast time flew by.

Best to make the best of it while we’re here, where we are—today.

Motivation Follows Action (Not The Other Way Around)

Published on May 14, 2021

I feel the least motivated to workout right before it’s time to workout. I’m usually tired, achy, sore, and being relentlessly poked and prodded by my brain about everything else I have to do (and why I should skip). Exercise is never appealing at the onset.

I feel the most motivated about working out right after I finish. I’m pumped up with endorphins, reminded of all the benefits of exercise, and in a much better place to handle the endless list of tasks in front of me. There’s never a workout I regret doing.

Most of the time when I sit to write, I feel uninspired and unmotivated. It’s only on a rare occasion that I’m motivated and have an idea of what I want to say. My norm is to look at the dreaded blank page cluelessly.

Here’s the thing: I write on both occasions; I workout on both occasions—I try to be the person who doesn’t miss. I try to remember that as soon as I hit “publish” I’m going to be back on cloud nine. And that as soon as I finish that last rep of that last set, I’ll be exercises biggest fan once more.

You see, you don’t show up with motivation so that you can take the actions—you show up with the actions so that you can take the motivation. The trick is getting used to showing up without motivation. Once you can get in the habit of doing that, the result is an unwavering dedication that can last a lifetime.

This post became the introduction for: 16 Fierce Jocko Willink Quotes from Discipline Equals Freedom

The Paradox Of Personal Change

Published on May 13, 2021

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
Carl Rogers, Via MoveMe Quotes

Putting on a mask doesn’t change who you are. It may change your outward appearance, but underneath—there you are. Wearing a mask might make you feel different and therefore may entice you to act different, but, when the mask comes off—so, too, does the behavior. They are intertwined. If they weren’t, then why wear the mask?

Social media is the modern-day digital mask. It allows you to change your outward appearance at scale. From the comfort of your home, you can filter how you look, prop up a facade to change the way you live, and surround yourself with people pumped up on vanity metrics. But, after you’re done thumbing through your phone and the screen turns off—there you are. No different than you were before you turned the phone on.

When you accept yourself just as you are, what you’re really doing is accepting your current situation and limitations—as they are. You’re not trying to pretend you’re somebody you’re not, who is living a lifestyle you actually aren’t, who is doing things you, in fact, are not. You’re admitting to yourself your real identity, what you’re actually capable of, and what your current situation will realistically allow you to do.

And there you are. And finally, the real change can begin.

Leave No Room For Exceptions

Published on May 12, 2021

“Exceptions lead to more exceptions. It’s really easy to justify not doing [a] new habit (or doing an old habit you’re trying to quit) by saying, ‘Just one time won’t hurt.’ Except that it will, because now you think it’s OK to make exceptions. And now you don’t really trust yourself to stick to your promise to yourself. It’s much more effective to not make exceptions—catch yourself if you’re thinking about it and trying to justify it, and remember your motivations. When I quit smoking, I told myself Not One Puff Ever (NOPE).”
Leo Babauta, Zen Habits

The habit changes that I’ve had the most success with have been the ones that I’ve been the most strict with myself about. When I started drinking coffee black, I told myself No Cream Or Sugar Ever. When I cut donuts from my diet, I told myself Not One Bite Ever. When I stopped drinking alcohol, I told myself Not One Sip Ever.

Like Babauta, I made sure there were no exceptions or ‘gray-areas’ to these habit changes—and while that might sound harsh and intense, it actually made the habit change process easier for me.

The problem with setting up more vague goals like, “I’m going to try to stop drinking my coffee with cream and sugar,” or “I’m going to try to eat less donuts,” or “I’m really not going to go out and drink as much anymore,” is that it leaves room for mental negotiation. Which, as I’m sure you’re all too familiar with, leads to long, hard, draining mental fights.

And the problem with long, hard, draining mental fights with your forever argumentative, unrelenting mind is that—you’ll eventually lose.But, just one donut won’t hurt, right? Well, how do you decide which days to follow this goal and which days not to? How will you know for sure when it’s okay to stray from your intentions? Why is it okay to mess up on some days but not others?

When you set out strong from the beginning and make your goals “black-and-white,” whatever they might be for you, there’s no question.No confusion. No special situations or exceptions. The answer is always and every time, “NOPE.” Easy. End of discussion. Onto the next thought.