The full collection of explorations.
Writing a book is hard. Writing one sentence is easy.
Earning a black belt in martial arts is hard. Attending one class is easy.
Freeing yourself from the grips of anxiety is hard. Meditating for a few minutes is easy.
Everything in life that’s hard, is just a series of things that are easy.
You just have to break things down further and take the first, small step.
And then take it again. And again. Until you’ve done what’s hard.
Rather than think about who you didn’t have in your life, think about who you could be in someone else’s life.
There is a particularly strong opportunity for this in the spaces where you were hurt the most by the people who you wish were there the most.
Why? Because you know just how much it hurts.
And there are plenty of people out there who are hurting just as much—if not more—from a similar type of absence.
And, just think, you could be the one who fills that void.
When we’re worried, we look for things to worry about.
When we’re angry, we look for things to be angry about.
When we’re irritable, we look for things to be irritated about.
The same follows for beliefs, too.
When we believe we’re stuck, we look for reasons to confirm our stuck-ness.
When we believe we’re victims, we look for reasons to confirm our victimhood.
When we believe we’re worthless, we look for reasons to confirm our worthlessness.
Our beliefs dictate our actions. We certainly don’t instinctually act in opposition to our beliefs. However, our actions are precisely what dictate our beliefs.
Here’s the thing: if you can figure out how to act in opposition to the beliefs that don’t serve you—you will have figured out the key to changing your beliefs altogether.
I reiterate: temporary madness.
Give it some space. Take some time away from the situation. Become sane again.
Let the haze of emotion settle so that what’s left is rational action.
Then, in your normal, non-maddened state—respond.
Remember, step 1 to solving any problem is: don’t make things worse than they need to be.
And acting in anger—in madness—almost always trashes step 1.
“When in trouble, just let go. Go back to idle.”
Delia Owens, Where The Crawdads Sing (Page 41)
When you get yourself in trouble, it implies you’ve crossed a line; broken a rule; done harm.
Which further implies that there were faults in your mindset that led to faulty actions.
When the momentum of those decisions causes you to cross a line, break a rule, or do harm—the worse thing you can do is maintain that momentum.
Stop. Let go. Go back to idle.
Carefully inspect your thought process. Sit. Breathe. Adjust. Choose new actions; better actions.
Then, and only then, should you start again.